To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

[Dappy777]

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

I guess the divorce rate is 5050 so marriage isn’t what it was and I’ve never been married.

mum and stepdad together 30 years never married as have 4 divorces between them so know the drill.

things like naked attraction where any labia is seen as not neat or hair, so girls are probably more paranoid and yes a lot of men are now being called out or judged even good ones. I have a son who is mid teens and so far so good but I worry when the time comes he may be labelled as something he isn’t.

as for having kids, how can they afford to leave home let alone have kids and know what the bloody hard time and expectations their kids will have!

My view of it is young girls especially seem to know their worth , and not willing to put up with shit lads just to have a boyfriend.

my daughter age 17 seems to be very happy with not having a boyfriend, has no interest and no desire to have one .

at her age I was already in a year relationship with my husband 😳, and it was all my life revolved around.

although she’s always been great with babies and toddlers , she’s adamant she doesn’t want them ( I know this may well change in time , but I was definitely thinking about it by that point)

honestly the world is her oyster and she could do whatever she wants, even though she isn’t the most academically gifted, her choices are practically limitless.

I think it’s a great time to be a young woman.

im happy with my life, but I think having a man can sometimes limit your choices, even if you don’t realise at the time

living for yourself is enviable

When I was a teenager sex and relationships were everywhere in films, magazines, TV. Rom coms, advice on getting a relationship and sex tips in magazines, American TV shows where all the teens are in relationships. I'm not sure if that's still about as much or is it just mine aren't as interested but instead of magazines it's online games, films and TV shows are Marvel type with action rather than sex and romance. Even disney films have changed, I was watching Beauty and the Beast etc, now it's Moana, Encanto etc which aren't about romance and princesses. I do wonder if that plays a part in it

Growing up in the 1980s, we lived next door to a secondary school. I remember the teens walking past our house were often arm in arm...I've never seen that since.

DS has no end of women, well girls in late teens early twenties, throwing themselves at him but he is very cautious. He admits that he struggles with the rules of relationships and to be honest they are confusing. You can date, several people at a time, it can take months before your exclusive and the whole consent issue is a minefield so it’s often easier to avoid sex if you don’t know a girl really well.

Ultimately he has said he just wants to settle down, get married and have a family over the next decade.

It was so much easier when you just went out with someone, it usually meant you were exclusive and if it didn’t work out you went your separate ways.

DS’s says that girls give out such mixed messages now so it’s just easier to stay single. He has become close to a girl at home, which I think is his security blanket. He’s away at uni so it’s easier to play the girlfriend at home card to avoid offending girls he knows at uni.

We have had some interesting chats about it and he says that he prefers monogamy but it’s difficult to develop a monogamous relationship because women seem to have rewritten the rules. And consent is constantly used as a threat so it’s not worth the risk most of the time.

The birth rate is dropping, and it’s projected to keep dropping. So yes a lot of people aren’t having kids. I think women realise they don’t have to have a family if they don’t want to. I think they realise what they are signing up for now. And the cost of living is going to put a lot of people off having kids.

I'm the same age as you, roughly, and also moved in with DH when we were both at uni - but we travelled together for a couple of long trips, as well as independently. And had our first baby well under 30, very early in our careers, but after they had more or less got going. It's all swings and roundabouts - now mid 40s, our older son has just started uni, our younger son is 10, and lots of our professional friends and uni mates have toddlers and 5 year olds, and it's something of a relief to have moved beyond that stage!

I was your DD in many ways aged 17 - but probably am more your age than hers! I definitely didn't want a boyfriend then, wasn't sure I wanted children (hadn't ever really thought about it) but wanted to be like Jane Tennison in Prime Suspect. Might well be partly environment - I was at a girls' school where nobody was particularly interested in a boyfriend then either.
I did end up with starting the career I want, but also accidentally met a bloke at uni going into the same career, and had our older son in our mid 20s. Now have 19 and 10 year old sons, am not at all like Jane Tennison, but do enjoy my work.

I just didn't want to sleep around for the sake of getting or having sex and potential pregnancies in nothing stable so waited while enjoying life and sure enough met my other half around 30 and 4 beautiful children and love him more than I did ten years ago

Now there is so much focus on self, why would you invest in a relationship with another human being or, God forbid, have a child?

I think it's part of a wider phenomenon that is not good, though I imagine you might disagree. The phenomenon is that the rules in a relationship are a matter purely for the people involved in that relationship: wider social expectations shouldn't matter, or so the theory goes. Almost like a contract.

But the result is that relationships become a power game and those less adept at playing it get massively messed around, or simply stop having relationships..

Morals have become very transactional, or so it seems to me.

Well, I can only offer my own perspective.

I am mid-20s, have been single since before Covid (not by choice) and am, honestly, increasingly lonely. I would really like a relationship, but due to personal circumstances I can't have one. I've always felt somewhat invisible. A lot of people I went to school/university with are coupled up- even married - and that makes me feel even more defective.

Everyone I know is either in a very serious relationship, or completely single. There doesn't seem to be much in between.

@TomPinch People should be focusing on themselves, and living the life they want. Women aren’t just on earth to be slaves for society.

I have noticed a lot of younger women not having their lives revolve around what men want. Not removing body hair, wearing makeup etc.
They are considerably smarter than previous generations. They have probably seen how well having a family usually goes for a woman and are running in the opposite direction.

DD aged 19 at uni had never had a BF. She tells me that all the boys want is sex and she wants to date, so is waiting for them to calm down as she puts it. She also frequently tells me how disrespectful the boys are to women and blames porn. DD drinks but says she doesn't like being drunk and often goes out for dinner with friends instead..

DS aged 17 also never been in a relationship. DS doesn't drink at all.

I would say their friends are mostly the same.

There doesn't seem to be any pressure to have sex or drink in the way there was when I was young.

I was young in the late 90s / early 00s and whilst things were just starting to change in this regard, I am envious of young people today who seem very relaxed and know themselves well. I was desperate to conform but never had a boyfriend in my teens, I did have male attention but it wasn’t the ones I wanted, and pined after the ones who didn’t want me. It felt very dramatic at the time and I could shake teenage me for all the wasted time and effort!

I can’t help but feel it’s a shame. Youngsters are stuck in this arrested development, living with parents, not able to financially support themselves, let alone a family, are maturing later and relationships seem a lot more complex and disposable these days with everything being examined and scrutinised on social media etc.

II have teens and one of them has had age appropriate “relationships” and the other speaks often about becoming a dad one day but both have been brought up in a happy, nuclear family and see our set up as a positive one whereas lot don’t have that at home or don't feel the same.

DD(19) has been with her boyfriend for a couple of years. They met through friends in year 13. What I find interesting is ...

They are not the be all and end all for each other like my friends and I were when we were younger and had a proper boyfriend.

They value their friends as much as their relationship. This is healthy but the other thing I've noticed...

Their friends who want relationships don't tend to meet girl/boyfriends in the traditional way of discos (don't laugh!), clubbing or at university. I thought there'd be lots of opportunities for that at uni but DD says most relationships start on line.

And I think relationships - family, friends, spouses - are everything. No career or travelling can compare with having close bonds with people who care about you.

But I don't view men as the enemy and lads as porn addicted incels.

There seems to be a continuing theme that women's only purpose in life is breeding and raising a family

Not my life. I've only had one child (by choice) but my relationship with my DH (of over 30 years), my daughter, our families and friends is central to my contentment and fulfilment.

That's probably why I'm not spewing bile like many on here are.

It's not a phenomenon restricted to women though.

I don't think the stigma (if it was that) of being single has completely gone, but agree with you about the general trends you highlight.

The difference is choice.

Young people have choice now and it's only some that think that relationships are everything. Many simply don't think that, don't want that, they put a higher value on careers, travel, themselves, friends, freedom. It isn't that they think men are all incels.

@arethereanyleftatall I agree, we've taught our dd's not to accept shit from men or anybody at all. However, society hasn't educated its sons to be better humans & life partners. So the men haven't evolved but the women have so both their expectations of each other don't align & causes conflict.

Society needs to tackle the growing problem of male misogyny, violence, porn, fascism & the far right influence on young men. This toxic combination is ruining young men & the over run prison system can't deal with them.

Yes, it's p*rn. This is complete speculation, of course, but it is intuition.