To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

[Dappy777]

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

My DS and DiL 43 and 46 have been together for years and no interest in children at all.
They just want their home and a nice life.
I don't blame them. They have lots of pets.
I'm not bothered about grandchildren so why not?
They think life is tough even without children in the mix.

when it comes to children, there’s been a huge swing in recent decades towards parenthood as something all-encompassing which requires 100% focus on the children: and from the outside, that looks and sounds fucking exhausting

Very true. My 29 year old son has zero interest in children and that holds true for the majority of his friends as well (male and female). They view parenthood as all sacrifice with little reward and can't envision putting their lives on hold (as they see it) for 18+ years.

While I do find that a little sad, it's more realistic than the romanticized version of motherhood that I grew up with. Women were supposed to effortlessly raise a family while simultaneously keeping their careers afloat and sustaining a happy marriage. If you weren't totally besotted by motherhood you kept it to yourself for fear of being judged as somehow lacking.

YABU. All the young people I know are interested in being in relationships and sex and fully plan to have families in the future.

Certainly they aren't getting married at 20 or having children in their early twenties, but that was already a thing of the past for anyone who went to uni when I was young (and I am 50 now).

Why on Earth would you think I assume that 🤣

when it comes to children, there’s been a huge swing in recent decades towards parenthood as something all-encompassing which requires 100% focus on the children: and from the outside, that looks and sounds fucking exhausting

Yes, it's wonderful that the lid has been lifted on the reality of the long, often unrewarding slog that is motherhood and the humongous sacrifice and misery it brings to so many women.

It's the cultural setup, not necessarily the biology of it all. The nuclear family is absolutely unnatural for humans anyway. We need a new setup, but I don't know what that is.

My five year old really wants twins. Here's to hoping 🤞🤞🤞

Well my 16 year old has bucked this trend by getting glamed up, going out, getting pissed to chase a boy she likes ( sadly). Luckily she also likes the gym but i hope she dosn't end up like me and stuck in a bad relationship in my teens. I'd also rather she ditched the drinks and vapes.

There’s more to life than sex, kids, and often, relationships.

I don't know tbh op but if that is true, then that is a very good thing as far as I'm concerned. Most of my life has revolved around men/relationships/breakups. There's far more to life!

I don’t know if it’s true, but if it is then I fit in well with the youth of today!

In my friendship group we all said that, we also all travelled and saw the world. We all have had children. I think there are more trad women now than ever, it is regressive rather than progressive and there are limitations.

I have one older teen and they, (friends) definitely go out, they drink in pubs and some have girlfriends.

Im gonna throw another point out here but im in my 30s but I had/have older parents like considerably older than others my age. Could the fact that parents have been getting younger over a number of years play a part? My view was always kind of you find the right guy settle down get married have kids, work and look after home sort of thing, Although I did this all upside and back to front 🤣. I also think the amount of DV /coercive control going on these days is to another level which if your lucky enough to escape then you dont want to risk being trapped in the same thing again because its so damaging. X

When I look at both sides of my family all bar one of my grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles etc were married with kids somewhere in their 20s. The one exception never married or had children.

My generation - siblings, ex husbands siblings, cousins on both sides etc. All ages 38-45. 4 with kids, 7 without. But most have partners or spouses.

I expect the younger generation will be even less likely to have children.

I agree OP.

I had a steady boyfriend at 16, everyone in my circle did. In a working class area there wasn’t much else to occupy time other than boyfriends, drink, smoking, and occasional drug use. Also, my parents had been together since they were 17 and by the time I was 24 I was getting a lot of “when are we getting grandkids” questions, despite me being happily single and living with my friends.

My eldest is 19 and hasn’t yet shown any interest in a relationship, he does drink and go out occasionally but is keen on his studies and has much more wholesome hobbies than I did. DD is 17 and is the same, she did have a boyfriend in year 11 but nothing since.

They’ve had a different upbringing than I did and are somehow simultaneously much more mature and sophisticated, yet younger and less worldly wise . All in all it’s much healthier, and DH and I frequently chat about how very different our 1990s teenage weekends were!

Do teens/young adults still go to clubs etc and dance until the early hours as I did in the 90’s? Do they drink, do drugs and so on? I have no idea about any of it

Parents have been getting older for quite a while though. I was born in the mid 80s and had much older parents than the other kids and the generation gap was huge. Whereas nowadays nobody would bat an eye at parents of that age.

To answer OP's question, I think the internet and social media have played a huge part. On the one hand it has opened up the world, but at the same time you don't need to leave your house to connect with people or entertain yourself.

A lot of the drinking, drugs, sex, etc, in previous generations were as a result of teens having nothing else to do.

It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives.

Good. There is more to life than a romantic relationship and it can be dangerous to focus on one to the exclusion of all else.

Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children.

Again, I think these things are good. People should see it like that. It's much more realistic and healthy than seeing a partner as being "life's central joy".

I will say that I do think relationships of all kinds are a really important thing. But that includes friendships, other familial relationships, professional relationships, conversations with strangers etc. Romantic relationships and parent-child relationships are special. And they are included. But I also think that looking for a partner or having a child because you think it will make you happy is a bad reason to do it. Get together with someone because you enjoy their company and you like the way they make you feel, absolutely. Seek a long term partnership if that sounds like a way of life which would work well for you. Have a child because you want to have the experience of raising a child.

We are not all the same and we don't find the same things fulfilling. Some people want to travel the world, I don't. I wanted to have children, I recognise not everyone feels the same. We should talk about the hard things.

What a bright and interesting future we will have if the younger generation are interested in studying, careers and experiences and don't feel tied down by responsibility they never asked for or wanted. I think enough people will want relationships and families, in time, that it won't be an issue.

Totally agree. Definitely changing.

"I’m so glad things have changed for the better. "

Is it for the better though? I'm not sure it is.

The lower drinking levels obviously better. But the higher MH, less interaction, less relationships? No, I don't see that as better.

Back in the day, women got married, stayed home and took care of the kids.

Now many men seem to expect women to earn almost as much doing as many hours so that its fair (but not emasculating), AND raise kids, AND work flexibly because the man earns just that bit more so he comes as goes as he pleases.

He is also 99% likely to be watching porn and I think women are thinking 🤔 I'd rather be alone than have everyone from my child (expected), husband, work and elderly parents to care for and putting pressures on their time. I suspect its why we have more one child families; women stopping when they realise how much work it is and how much the buck stops with them.

I think that's a lot less snogging and exploration going on. Kids go out far far less and spent far more time on screens in a way I think it's quite sad. Obviously better than losing your virginity and some shitty field age 13 but being shut up in your bedroom on the next box every weekend is pretty sad.

When me and my friends were in our late teens/early twenties, we'd go out on the pull...I don't think they do that so much nowadays...they are just on apps and I imagine talking to strangers is seen as weird or dodgy. It's a shame in some ways...we used to have a good laugh. I also think it made men more confident and charming...if they wanted to meet a woman, they had to pluck up the courage to chat you up...now they just sit like cowards behind a screen.

It’s an issue now! Once the birth rate is well below deaths we have an aging population with fewer paying tax. That’s a massive problem!

Of course dc are put off. Look at the cost of housing! Men in particular won’t commit. Even when young people are in a settled relationship, they look at costs and nursery costs are frightening if both want work - or need to work. It’s inevitable a place to live and a better car will trump years of high childcare costs or loss of earnings.

Children are for the high earners or those with parents nearby for £0 childcare. Everyone else thinks very hard and the evidence is they are not having dc. Who can blame them?

Immigration is going to bring about a cultural shift back to how things were. 2.4 children per woman.