To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

[Dappy777]

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

Does this not happen much anymore? I haven't been in a bar in years but you couldn't go 5 minutes without being chatted up/pestered by men (if out with other women). I'd still think it common that women on a night out would be chatted up, wanted or not, but are less receptive as they've got Tinder on speed dial and hundreds of matches.

Exactly...I think young people see someone matching with someone on an app as totally normal, but a man chatting you up in real life as being a weird thing to do.

My view is this is really damaging...it has created a generation of cowardly men with little charm, charisma or confidence to talk to women. Just sitting behind screens...it's cowardly and weak.

Post-university, I don’t think I’ve ever been out with a group of women friends where any of us were routinely approached let alone pestered for dates by men. I remember feeling fairly cheated as a much younger woman, all those years of watching Sex and the City had given us a completely false impression that all we needed to do was sit in a bar and eligible bachelors would pick us out of the crowd and charm us with their wits 😂

Whereas in reality, men in groups at pubs and bars are out with their friends to socialise, not pick women up, as are women. Is it perhaps a smaller town thing where there aren’t that many organic opportunities to meet people other than the pubs in town and so they become a bit of a hunting ground?

Broadly I agree with this and I think it’s great.

I was born in the early 70s and I hated the way girls of our generation were funneled into finding a man and that your inherent worth was so bound up in this.

Getting married or settling down young is so limiting, particularly for women and it’s great that young people today don’t universally see being a wife and mother as the be all and end all.

I think it’s really positive that they prioritize career over marriage.

This. It reminds me of growing up in the 80s. I was adamant that it would be cruel to bring children into such a terrible world, really sentencing them to something terrible. Reagan, Thatcher, wars famine drugs AIDs mad cow disease etc. it was irresponsible to have children in my opinion. I was born in 1969 for context. Of my friendship group of five all between 55 and sixty none of us have had children and we're all of the same mindset. The world feels very much like it was in the 80s and I guess certain young people feel like we did.

I predict future generations will be very lonely....it's not just not having your own children. If your siblings, cousins, wider family also don't have children...then people won't have a wider, extended family. I know many people my age with multiple cousins...yet they have one child and their siblings have one child. Their future grand children will therefore only have a couple of cousins max.

Or maybe because it’s so easy to get sex via hookup sites these days that it’s lost its appeal.

You don’t need to be related to the people you have in your life, though. I have loads of cousins. I never see any of them. DH’s mum is one of thirteen siblings, all but one with children, so he has something like 34 first cousins. He sees them at weddings and funerals. We’re both fond of our siblings but not close to them. It’s not a lack. We both have lots of close, longterm friendships.

Moving in with a partner was the single stupidest thing I ever did.

Fortunately when we finally split up we were still renting & there were no kids involved, so it was a fairly easy clean break.

Yes I always read similar on here but irl, vast majority of people I know are close to and rely on their family in some way. Ok, you see extended family at funerals and weddings...future generations will not even have that.

So many different views and experiences here!! Just goes to show it’s hard to make generalisations or really know what is behind the trends. One thing said up thread is that the concepts around raising children have changed, which I think is true. So, many couples seem to think they shouldn’t have them unless they can provide constant attention, expensive activities and multiple holidays a year. Plus paying for education etc. When really a lot of children probably fared better in the old free-range style with one cheap seaside trip a year, and making their own way after school.

Honestly, I think those who rely very heavily on family for human contact to a large extent are those who still live in their hometowns, and/or who haven’t expanded their lives far beyond that. Which is fine, obviously, but it’s not my world, or that of many people I know. I’m very fond of my family, but I don’t rank blood relationships above the ones I chose. There will be far more unrelated people at my funeral.

DS (an only child with no cousins on my side as all siblings are childfree, and much younger than his cousins on DH’s side, as DH is the baby and his nephews and nieces are having their own children now while DS is only 12) sees us modelling strong longterm friendships along with family contact, and will see you don’t need a blood tie for longtime mutually-supportive relationships.

I was born in the 80s and, yes, it was very cruel of my parents!

The 90s was a time of hope though. Ever since 9/11 the world has spiraled out of control.

Yes, but presumably you’re friends with this group because of your similarly gloomy mindset? I mean, Sophocles said ‘Not to be born is best’ and Francis Bacon was the one who coined the phrase ‘hostages to fortune’ in the 1600s. It’s not a new thing, yet people still have children.

@User32459 I go out to different bars and it depends how drunk they are and what culture they are.

Honestly, I think those who rely very heavily on family for human contact to a large extent are those who still live in their hometowns, and/or who haven’t expanded their lives far beyond that.

Yes. If @Comedycook & everyone she knows have stayed in the same area it would make sense.

I see my father & sister every 2-3 months, my brother & his family once or twice a year & the same for cousins - the ones I’m in touch with. I see much more of friends & neighbours. If we all lived in the same area maybe it would be different.

I'm suspicious that it might be connected to the separate issue of fertility declining - yes, through delayed parenthood but also linked to endocrine disrupting chemicals.

I live in the same area and don't have a huge family but those I do have I'm close to. I have friends but I find vast majority of my friends and acquaintances are all consumed with family events.

I think they've looked at all the relationships of people the generation above them and realised how easy it is to fall into the wrong relationship, which can bring more problems than joy to your life.

Took me till my 50's to realise that so if people are discovering that younger, good for them!

The generation above me still by and large had longer lasting relationships.

Yes same, but 90% of those relationships are shit, full of resentment and unhappiness, because they've stayed together because they thought they had to. I'm so glad it's different now.

I have a friend who used to work as a therapist. She said she’d dealt with numerous middle-aged women who were desperately unhappy in their marriage, but were too frightened to leave. With one exception, those who did leave all said that they were furious with themselves for not doing it sooner. Both my sets of grandparents had utterly hellish marriages, but stuck it out to the end. My maternal grandmother and my paternal grandfather both ruined their lives by marrying the wrong person. And I mean ruined their lives.

Depends why I supposed.

If it's greater freedom and more money to do thing like travel ( though my Dad and Uncle in 60s with some mates travelled round Europe in a back of a van) then good.

If it's because they can't move out of parents house - so dating hard - or same in multiple occupy housing or feel they have to focus on educational and career development to afford to do any adult things like have own place or marry or have kids - clearly not good - same with long work hours and or commutes so less time to do socialisation.

On Trigonometry saw a demographer - her research base was USA where cohabiting couples mostly split unlike in Europe and UK - say an unspoken influence on low birth rate was divorce and parental separation or blended families and the affected on those now adult kids - I image unhappy marriages would have similar effects. Saw South Korean young people giving the usually many reasons but also saying they didn't want to be as stressed as their parents and felt so traumatised by their pressured schooling they didn't want to put any kids though that.

Plus place to meet people - have they been on the decline pubs/clubs closing- and have social factors about approaching people when out or in workplaces changed?

MN does tend to be very much everyone married is unhappy as are all mothers - always the refined he'll leave you'll end up lone parent - there a strain of that idea in wider media - and so many men do bug out on parenthood leaving women doing bulk of childrearing and baring the cost so risks are high for women.

Also infantilization of young people in society - things like marriage and parenthood being seen as desirable at older and older ages on top of financial pressures. We met at 18-20 married 26-28 and first child 28-30 - for our parents all married and with kids by early 20s we were too young - it was too soon.

I fully understand consent but it’s the ability to retract consent at a later date that complicates things.
DS has admitted that he felt very uncomfortable at some of the parties he attended in his mid teens, where he witnessed boys taking advantage of girls who were passed out with drink and/or drugs. He extricated himself from the group, the popular, cool kids at school, because he just lost all respect for them. He is now very protective over female friends and has the confidence to step in if they look as though they are no longer able to make a conscious decision. He was spiked a couple of years ago and ended up in A&E due to an injury he sustained while out of it. He has always said that it could have ended so differently and would hate to be the one that failed to prevent a tragedy.

His group of friends look after each other. Frequently acting as a taxi if someone finds themselves alone and stranded. He would never forgive himself if he could have prevented an event and has stayed with a friend if they are so drunk that they are at risk. He’s brought a few home, knows the risks and will ask for help. I have no problem looking after them. I would have a problem if he had left them on their own.

Yes I think it is changing, but I don't think it's a good thing. We need relationships and partners to reproduce. That's what we are here for, if it continues, the population will decline hugely, not that that's a bad thing. I also think a lot of people nowadays aren't pressured like they used to be to get married and have children and aren't getting the urge till much older. I'm 28, been with my DP 6 years and perfectly happy, I want to get married and have children but I'm not pressured to do it, so will do it in my own time. Majority of our friends are still living at home and are not married, as they simply can't afford it. It's also due to the cost of living

@brassandswitch

We need relationships and partners to reproduce

This is true, but I think the younger ones are realising they don’t need to reproduce. Previous generations were almost expected to have children, and I’m glad the younger generation are being taught there is far more to life.