To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

[Dappy777]

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

I have four nieces between 24 and 27. three of them have boyfriends but in no rush to marry or have children.

The fourth has a baby by her ex. She's 27, raising her baby alone, building a company, already had her heart bruised (her ex was sleeping around) and no desire to find a new relationship. It's sad but she'll survive.

Agree. My 20 year old DS and his mates seem more interested in football, darts and gaming than getting a gf. Out of his friendship group, only one has a serious gf and she’s one of the girls from their inner circle

He chats to girls online but doesn’t yet seem that bothered about actually meeting up

I think it’s sad if younger people don’t want kids or long lasting love. I was always a huge romantic, looking for love. My older teen so far seems the same and had a lovely and long term first relationship. Younger one is less keen but that’s fine too.

I’m interested in who you think told young men this? Was it the same force that told young women that if they wore a short skirt they were inviting rape?

It's not that they are not interested in sex , it's that they don't see marriage and kids as the be all and end all anymore . Plus more reliable contraception such as injections where they don't have to remember to take a pill .

It's seen by teenagers as naff and idiotic to get pregnant as a teen and as we know at that age peer pressure is huge .

A lot of teens aspire to get to Uni and travel and have experiences before they settle down .

I rarely hear of engagements anymore , I don't think youngsters are as bothered as they once were .Years ago engagements were a big thing amongst girls .Not so much now .

I have an 18 year old cousin who tells me how misogynistic her male peers are. Also young women are more aware of abusive relationships, more than my generation were. I’d imagine this makes them more cautious when entering relationships and they know they don’t need to get married and have children to have security.

I echo an excellent point made by a pp, that relationships can be very risky for women. I’m often encouraged to start seeing people, by my friends in terrible relationships, misery loves company I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️. Happily single and have no intention of that changing.

Nobody is saying you can’t speak to people. Just don’t leer at them and just treat them like a normal human being. If that the way some men take that advice, then I think everyone is better off if they don’t procreate.

I'm tired of all boys being tarred with the brush of being misogynistic and obsessed with porn.

I don't see that with ds, his friends (although of course I don't know for sure). They're nice lads who are much more respectful to girls than our generation's boys were. They have lots of female friends which helps and ds certainly doesn't objectify women and hates porn. They are quite nervous about approaching girls for fear of getting it wrong and being accused of harassing them though.

Please stop stereotyping our boys and young men as predatory misogynists...it's doing nobody any favours and is unfair. Would it be okay to say any other group are ALL (insert negative stereotype)?

I rarely hear of engagements anymore , I don't think youngsters are as bothered as they once were .Years ago engagements were a big thing amongst girls .Not so much now.

Though I don’t think this is, necessarily, a wholly good thing. There’s a growing trend of young women who believe that having a “partner” is no different to having a husband, and that marriage is “just a piece of paper” without fully understanding the potential repercussions for them of not marrying, especially if they intend on having children. If there’s one thing we do need to make young women more aware of when it comes to relationships is that it can all seem fine and dandy and happy equality, until the chips are down.

Maybe they should try not being misogynists and incels?

I think the traditional set up doesn’t appeal to younger women. I really don’t blame them, most husbands end up being an additional child/chore. Women carry everything, full time job, running entire house, having to carry the full load with children.

I would rather see my girls live a life which makes them happy, I hope they travel and do everything on their own terms.

I don’t know anyone at all worried about climate change, they seem worried about this country, it’s failing and no one in government seems to want to get the UK back to where it was unfortunately.

Yes, I think this nails it. When I was young, there was a widespread belief that to be single and childless was to be a failure. A single, childless man was ‘sinister’ or ‘weird’, and a single, childless woman was pitied. (OK, bit of an exaggeration, but not much.) I remember hearing my dad’s friend describe his 28-year-old daughter as “left on the shelf.” Left on the shelf, at 28!! And I remember a woman in my road, who was married to an utterly vile little man, pitying her sister because she couldn’t find someone. Even as a kid I remember thinking “she probably pities you.”

Such views are dying out. People increasingly see celibacy and childlessness not as something forced on you but something you’ve chosen. I often wonder what will happen if we really do find ways of extending the lifespan. If the wizards in Silicon Valley invent pills and nanobots and god knows what to slow or reverse ageing (as some predict), it will be interesting to see how people react.

Yeah but if the young don’t have kids then we just worsen the demographic trends and bankrupt social safety nets and eventually the whole human race dies out.

Maybe you should try not assuming all boys are mosogynists and incels?

So they should have kids they don't want?

I'm glad if girls feel they have more choice now and don't feel that they have to marry and have kids. There's more to life.

I think there’s a growing gap between the sexes and younger women aren’t prepared to put up with nasty, immature men. Also the kind of sex many boys and men are now conditioned to want is rarely pleasurable or satisfying for women so I’m not surprised they’re opting out.

They seem a lot less mature than me and my friends were at that age. Very much still clinging to their parents. I'm not saying it's bad, it's just a surprising and noticeable difference.

Editing because my comment posted twice.

Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life.

They're probably been on MN, reading AIBU.

Yes, it’s always amazing how disadvantaged the poor boys are by women and girls, when around the world it is routinely men who are in charge and women who are subject to male violence, starting with so many being killed as babies for being female.

Yes, I think this nails it. When I was young, there was a widespread belief that to be single and childless was to be a failure. A single, childless man was ‘sinister’ or ‘weird’, and a single, childless woman was pitied.

Speaking as a single, childless 40 something, I'm not convinced that attitude is dying out. Or if it is, not fast enough.

Yes, for the greater good. If everyone behaves selfishly there isn’t one!! I’m a classic individualist but that is the argument.

I Imagine people living at home for much longer also has quite a lot to do with it. Whilst most parents are happy for adult children to bring established gf/bf to stay overnight, I doubt any but the most liberal would welcome a revolving cast of tinder trash. If I’d lived with my parents in my misspent twenties I’d have had a LOT less sex.

I think it’s great. I wasn’t into sex, relationships etc until I was in my 20s - but from the age of 14 I felt the pressure to have a boyfriend, loose my virginity and know the names of my future children. So I love that there is less pressure to conform and “be married by 25”

But I think it’s sad when you get to your 30s and crave a family but the reason why you haven’t been able to find anyone is because society seems to have become extreme. Social media has put us in micro bubbles - and some of the mindsets people develop sound crazy. It has become harder to meet people. There are way more negative stories. Poor dating experiences.