… for married couples, to ask what age you stopped having sex?

[Thowawayname]

To give some context, I’m early-mid 40s, married almost 20 years, one DD just started at Uni. I’d say we’ve always had a good relationship, no financial issues and very comfortable, good careers , so I feel very very fortunate in the grand scheme of things.

My question for married or long term couples is what age you stopped having sex?

And adding more detail…

I had some health issues a few years ago, early onset menopause and now really have close to zero libido. HRT is not an option.

I continue to have sex with DH, but we’ve never really discussed my libido issue. I enjoy the closeness. I also know what he likes, and I like pleasing him if that makes sense. I deliberately take the initiative too sometimes, and do make an effort … you know what I mean :) But at the end of the day, it feels like a job, like gardening (which I don’t enjoy), or cooking ( which I don’t enjoy) or emptying the dishwasher!!

I guess that bottom line is I’d be happy to not have sex again, not just DH, but with anyone.

I can’t really ask many people this in RL. My only sibling is 12 years older than me, and she’s still very active, or so she says.

I have some upcoming sessions with a recommended therapist with expertise in this area. This has helped me in other situations in the past. So I’m not especially asking for advice here, just the age question really.

Apologies for the long rambling post.

Christ mid 40s is no age.
Why is hrt not an option?

Mid 40's after years of decline. I stopped initiating when it became clear she had mentally exited the relationship years previously and I felt I was a burden to her.

I called it "going clear".

Vaginal atrophy ended my sex life in my early 60s. Even with treatment it was just too painful. However, in all honesty I lost interest in peri a good ten years before.

DH is still up for it and I do feel I am letting him down, but it isn't going to happen.

I would say that I too experienced loss of libido in my early to mid 40’s but then it came back in my late 40’s this could happen for you too. But yes as PP says it’s no age! Personally I never forced myself to do something from which I took no pleasure, could this be making the situation worse for you? if you are forcing yourself to have sex when it feels like a chore then you are unlikely to feel happy about it.

bloody hell OP I'm 65 (so post menopausal obvs) and in a VERY LTR, and still having sex whenever occasion permits
do you think you might be depressed?
you don't have to put up with this if you don't want to

I lost my libido in mid 40's. We went 4 yrs no sex. Just close contact if that makes sense. Libido is back and we are enjoying a healthy sex life again.

It could come back.

We are in late 50s
Ok no longer having it daily but still 2/3 times a week
Hope to be able to continue indefinitely

Do you orgasm when you have sex?

Interesting, I feel like this. Also mid 40s. I enjoy sex when we do it but I have no particular desire to ever. Don't know what happened

Same Op.. I'm in my 50s and would happily never bother again. I do, because it's immportant to dh, but my libido has gone!

That's very sad to hear. I don't think there is a particular age. I know couples in their late 60s and even 80s who still enjoy sex even though it may not be strictly penetrative. I am similar age to you and I have libido of a rabbit on steroids, although I went through a stage of not wanting to have sex at all in my 30s which turned out to be a relationship problem. After leaving my long-term partner, I met someone with whom sex was amazing, we enjoyed the same things and took time to keep things fresh. I very much hope my libido will hand around long enough for me to enjoy sex for a very long time.

This? How much time do you and OH spend focusing on you enjoying yourself? You won't look forward to it if you know you won't enjoy it and then that becomes a vicious circle

The way this is phrased, you’re only going to hear from those who stopped having sex in their marriage where many are going strong into retirement.
That said I think it’s quite common for some women to struggle around the menopause but HRT helps although perhaps it’s not for you.

Without being too graphic, there are other ways of having sex.

I was chatting with friends about this only a few weeks ago. On here lots of people say they are still at it like rabbits in their 50s and later. In RL i have lots of friends who've said from early 40s/peri onwards, they just have very low libido and only have sex every few months. I make an effort about once a week, usually enjoy it etc but the drive is not there, i could easily without. I think a lot of women could.

I dont think it really matters what works for everyone else, its about what suits you.

i’d be very hurt if i thought my DH saw sex as a chore. Id rather not have it than know he was doing it because he felt he should.

I am early 50’s, menopausal, DH is late 40’s. Still have an active and fun sex life, never were daily type, sometimes it can be multiple times a week, others just the weekend, depends on how knackered we are. Together 20 years.

similar case to Sonolanona for me.

No great interest for me, but DH is very "active", and I'm happy to go along I guess, because I know it's important to him. A op stated, i know what he likes too.

I also think it would fundamentally change our relationship if I stopped. And I'm very very happy in our marriage overall.

Why only married couples? Last time I had sex was I think about 2 years ago. I have little interest in it anymore. It seems like it's not uncommon for sex drive to greatly decrease in men once they hit their mid 30s, yet no one seems to talk about this.

Mine went mid 40s - end of marriage, had no desire to ever have sex again and just took that as given. Then a new relationship and guess what… libido back with a bang. Early 50s now.

Whilst libido can start to decline in the 30s for men it isn't usually 'greatly'. Just a bit calmed down from the frenzy of teens and 20s. If a man in his mid 30s experiences a great decline then they should go and seek medical advice.

Around 51, combination of peri, ED that DH did nothing about, and resulting poor relationship with DH. Now I DIY, and I prefer it after many years of poor sex due to his problems caused by antidepressants.

@chargeitup If a man in his mid 30s experiences a great decline then they should go and seek medical advice.

Why? It's normal, it isn't causing any issues, and seeking medical advice about such a matter is just wasting doctors' time.

I’m early 60s have zero interest in ever having sex again but I’m not in a relationship and have no intention of being in one again, partly because I don’t want sex to be reintroduced into my life. Everyone is different though. It’s a subject I haven’t discussed with friends since my twenties though so I have no idea how my friends feel.

It’s not “normal” and can be indicative of lots of health issues.

You need to enjoy it to want to do it so tell your dh on what turns you on. Is he very attentive or is it all very wham bang?

Mid forties is no age op. Try and find ways to reconnect physically.