… for married couples, to ask what age you stopped having sex?

[Thowawayname]

To give some context, I’m early-mid 40s, married almost 20 years, one DD just started at Uni. I’d say we’ve always had a good relationship, no financial issues and very comfortable, good careers , so I feel very very fortunate in the grand scheme of things.

My question for married or long term couples is what age you stopped having sex?

And adding more detail…

I had some health issues a few years ago, early onset menopause and now really have close to zero libido. HRT is not an option.

I continue to have sex with DH, but we’ve never really discussed my libido issue. I enjoy the closeness. I also know what he likes, and I like pleasing him if that makes sense. I deliberately take the initiative too sometimes, and do make an effort … you know what I mean :) But at the end of the day, it feels like a job, like gardening (which I don’t enjoy), or cooking ( which I don’t enjoy) or emptying the dishwasher!!

I guess that bottom line is I’d be happy to not have sex again, not just DH, but with anyone.

I can’t really ask many people this in RL. My only sibling is 12 years older than me, and she’s still very active, or so she says.

I have some upcoming sessions with a recommended therapist with expertise in this area. This has helped me in other situations in the past. So I’m not especially asking for advice here, just the age question really.

Apologies for the long rambling post.

He's still pretty young. Give it a few years. I'm sure it doesn't happen to everyone but it seems pretty common, from what I hear.

Vagifem is good for your whole Genitourinary system. It helps to stop UTIs which can become frequent as you age and laxity creeps in especially after a hysterectomy. It's not just all about sex. It's about maintaining a healthy body.

Vagifem actually can come pre loaded in insert tubes. You insert high into the vagina. There is no mess at all.

I’m late 40’s and very enthusiastically having sex 3-4 times as week with my dp, who is early 40’s. I’m the hornier one and I’m on the pill atm so this will only get worse when I come off. I think it’s very hard when there is such a difference of sex drive between partners. @Thowawayname are you still attracted to your DH?

But SO much plastic waste

I agree. I do recycle them. I’m careful about my impact on the environment, but the alternative here for me is horrible itching and soreness at a level that it v]can have me in tears.

Oh lord! Hopefully, never.
Married 23 years, together 27.
Definitely not as often as DH would like, mostly due to me being tired, because of insomnia.
I'm hoping that will improve when I retire and have less stress and more time.

I'm done with it for now. Last time we did it, we conceived our precious daughter. That was 6 years ago. I'm 47,he's 49. It's crazy because we used to be very sexually active for many years ( I met him at 27)

A combination of trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, having a newborn and then a toddler, having miscarriages , being pregnant again, having a newborn and a 4 years old who got diagnosed with autism, sleep issues for everyone, holding on to demanding jobs, going non contact with my family and whatever I forget (probably the perimenopause too as I'm 47) has pretty much killed it for me. I'm hoping it won't last forever but right now, I can absolutely live without it.

@chargeitup they do packets with all the tablets and one or two applicators. You assemble, use and wash.

Don't want that either! DH would see that as foreplay leading up to the main event! If penetrative sex is painful for a woman it is not the man's right to have it. Year's ago when we 'did it' if he had a sore willy he didn't want to either. Not wanting sex when you are in your 60's is the normal. For those who still do it I am very happy for them but ageing is the key. I'd love to learn to ski like the Milk Tray man( old cultural reference but twkk), but I at my age it ain't gonna happen- end of!

Me and DH are mid 40’s and our sex life has dwindled.

With work and the children though our days are non-stop from 6.30am to 9.30pm and after 15 hours of being on the go the last thing either of us have the energy for when we go to bed is sex. We feel shattered by that point and just want to sleep before waking up for another 15 hours of the children and work.

I’m very jealous of the people who have this level of business in their lives and such long days and still have the desire to want to spend another hour awake for the purpose of sex before going to sleep.

We tend to have sex at the weekends because at least we know we are going to be having lazier days and late nights on Friday and Saturday aren’t such an issue, but for the other 5 nights of the week sex is just not on our radar. We just want to get some sleep 🤣

I’m hoping that as the children get older and more independent that this aspect of our busy/stressful life will ease up a bit and me and DH will feel less mental drained and we’ll have more energy for sex.

That is fine if your dp feels the same. The problem is many spouses do not feel the same but go along with a sexless relationship becaue they have no choice.
Until an opportunity presents itself and you only need a cursory look at the relationships board to see that it sadly happens all the time.

Sex in your 50s, 60s and 70s is perfectly normal. I would advise anyone not to become complacent.

To be honest I think many people are not fed up with sex but fed up with sex with the same partner!

I’m 63 and DH is 74. We stopped P in V when my menopause symptoms made it too uncomfortable, but still pleasure each other in other ways! Couple of times a month. We are still affectionate physically, hold hands, cuddle and kiss.

Have you tried HRT or vagifem? If not might be worth seeing the gp unless of course you’re both happy with the situation

It's entirely normal and not something that needs medical treatment if you go off sex as the hormones that make you want sex are depleted. Having kids in your 40s comes with much higher risks so our bodies naturally don't give us the hormonal signals we get in our 20s and no-one should be expected to feel the same as they did then.

My g.p said i could only be on h.r.t for five years.then i was on h.r.t cream another five.then it all stops and you get no help

Huh? Going clear?

This does not need to be the case. Find yourself an educated GP

It's not only about the sex drive. It's about overall health when women are living much longer lives.

My g.p is also a gynacolasist.

Luckily I am not married as I have no interest in sex and haven’t been interested since my late 30s.

How depressing!

Why’s it depressing? It doesn’t affect you in the slightest.

Bloody hell! I’m mid 40’s and couldn’t be bothered doing it that often 🤣