Page 6 | … for married couples, to ask what age you stopped having sex?

Thowawayname · 2025-02-01T16:59:08+00:00

To give some context, I’m early-mid 40s, married almost 20 years, one DD just started at Uni. I’d say we’ve always had a good relationship, no financial issues and very comfortable, good careers , so I feel very very fortunate in the grand scheme of things. My question for married or long term couples is what age you stopped having sex? And adding more detail… I had some health issues a few years ago, early onset menopause and now really have close to zero libido. HRT is not an option. I continue to have sex with DH, but we’ve never really discussed my libido issue. I enjoy the closeness. I also know what he likes, and I like pleasing him if that makes sense. I deliberately take the initiative too sometimes, and do make an effort … you know what I mean :) But at the end of the day, it feels like a job, like gardening (which I don’t enjoy), or cooking ( which I don’t enjoy) or emptying the dishwasher!! I guess that bottom line is I’d be happy to not have sex again, not just DH, but with anyone. I can’t really ask many people this in RL. My only sibling is 12 years older than me, and she’s still very active, or so she says. I have some upcoming sessions with a recommended therapist with expertise in this area. This has helped me in other situations in the past. So I’m not especially asking for advice here, just the age question really. Apologies for the long rambling post.

yoozer16427942 · 01/02/2025 20:59

Early 40s with DP in late 40s, I haven't had any libido for years and not sure to what extent I ever did as I was usually drunk for sex, until I stopped drinking. Had cancer a few years ago too and that killed off whatever might be left. Even before that though it wasn't too often and now it really feels like a chore. I've never had an orgasm through sex. Try my best to make an effort for DP who has the complete opposite issue and is very frustrated all the time. Not sure what the answer is 😐

thesoundofwildgeese · 01/02/2025 21:23

67 and 73 (ED).

LizzieSiddal · 01/02/2025 21:26

Grammarnut · 01/02/2025 20:49

My late DH stopped at 78. He died (which meant I stopped too, of course). Otherwise we'd still be having sex. 40's! OP, you need to see your GP about loss of sex drive, there's so much fun to have!

No she does not need to see her GP, unless she feels she wants too.
It makes me feel really uncomfortable when people (mainly women) are told they need to medicalise themselves inorder to perform sex when they don’t want to!

happydappy2 · 01/02/2025 21:28

This thread is fascinating. I think I read somewhere that a womans sexual desire tends to wane when her daughter is of an age to be sexually active. It's' almost as if nature has done its job in having the 1st woman procreate, produce a 2nd female who can then do the same....or maybe it's just the fact that after living with a man for 20 years women don't find them sexually attractive anymore?

Trixiefirecracker · 01/02/2025 21:28

I am in my 50s and menopausal but am still having regular sex. It’s definitely not as often as it used to be but still at least twice a week. We have always had good sex, he’s great at what he does and very attentive. I know ( from previous experiences) that not all men are cut from the same cloth. We have been married over 30 years. I would be very sad if it stopped.

JoanCollinsDiva · 01/02/2025 21:36

happydappy2 · 01/02/2025 21:28

This thread is fascinating. I think I read somewhere that a womans sexual desire tends to wane when her daughter is of an age to be sexually active. It's' almost as if nature has done its job in having the 1st woman procreate, produce a 2nd female who can then do the same....or maybe it's just the fact that after living with a man for 20 years women don't find them sexually attractive anymore?

What a load of codswallop.

Im mid 40's and my sex drive is higher than ever - I put it down to dcs now being older and I'm not so knackered.

Also, women can have dc's without medical intervention well into their 40's and even 50's - my gm was 47 when she had my uncle!

Personally I have sex bc I enjoy it - I get antsy if I've not had it for a few weeks. For all the women on here who don't enjoy it/don't want it there are just as many or more who do. Sex drives are not a linear/age thing - a lot will depend on whether your partner keeps you satisfied in bed and whether you achieve orgasm. As long as dh and I still enjoy it we'll keep on having it!

JoanCollinsDiva · 01/02/2025 21:38

Trixiefirecracker · 01/02/2025 21:28

I am in my 50s and menopausal but am still having regular sex. It’s definitely not as often as it used to be but still at least twice a week. We have always had good sex, he’s great at what he does and very attentive. I know ( from previous experiences) that not all men are cut from the same cloth. We have been married over 30 years. I would be very sad if it stopped.

This - I wonder how many women on here who don't enjoy it/have no desire to get help for their libido just have partners who are a bit shit in bed?

LondonFox · 01/02/2025 21:43

Well, let's just say I just hope shein will operate when I am mid 70s so I can afford sexy underwear when I am on pension...
😏🤣

mitogoshigg · 01/02/2025 21:52

@happydappy2 not true here. I have too grown up DD's and no slowing down on that front!

PassingStranger · 01/02/2025 21:53

When people talk about having sex do they mean intercourse or foreplay. Confused.com. what do you define as sex?

MolliFlowers · 01/02/2025 21:58

I’m a DIYer, OH and me haven’t bothered for the last 7/8 years (I’m 55). Also I’m on ADs and it takes me ages to reach climax.

shuggles · 01/02/2025 21:59

@Retrospeaker What do you mean by greatly decreased? I mean there’s a big spectrum of sex drives, but every 30 odd year old I’ve met still had a pretty big drive. No they might not be doing it 5 times in a row like a 17 year old, but if they are barely interested (and they used to be) a trip to the GP is warranted I think.

So to explain what I mean by "greatly decreased," sexuality in young men is active; if teenage boys and men in their 20s are not having sex, they will look for it online, and they will go out of their way to meet new women. Rather than sitting around, doing their normal day-to-day business, and generally being passive, young men will take action to find sex.

That changes in the 30s. Because of a decrease in sex drive, sex is far lower on the priority list; I could look for relationships or sex, but why would I do that when there are higher priorities such as hobbies, sleeping, or work? So that means sex is no longer something that I take action to find, and my general approach is far more passive (hence not having sex for nearly 2 years, because no one else has initiated anything during that time). That's what's meant by a decrease in sex drive- no longer looking for it.

Pallisers · 01/02/2025 22:00

Late 50s, grown up children and we enjoy sex more than ever - better than our 30s as we are less knackered and have more time. I had an easy menopause though. Apart from liking sex I really like the feeling of intimacy it gives us.

LoudMoose · 01/02/2025 22:07

Stopped having sex just before I turned 40. Sex with husband had been mostly disappointing since we started dating 14 years previously. He liked sex twice a week on set days and only in the morning. My sex life before him had been frequent and good, so I don’t know why I settled. My husband hated kissing, so we didn’t. He hated cuddling, so we didn’t. Sex was over in a flash and foreplay was grabbing a boob. I would lie under him wondering if this is how prostitutes feel? Completely disconnected. I think I would like to have sex again(not with him) , however I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore and of course showing my fat, old, saggy body to a new person terrifies me. I think my last kiss was maybe 6/7 years before we stopped sex and he never cuddled. I have gone from a tactile person who loved snogging sessions and sex to someone who feels semi repulsed at the thought of kissing and cuddling. I don’t even cuddle my parents of family anymore as it all feel so alien.

My husband was later diagnosed with autism and I think that’s part of his lack of affection and intimacy. He used to have an adventurous sex life, went to swinger clubs, had a swinger partner etc and I always thought how many people did he disappoint?

MuskIsACnt · 01/02/2025 22:10

Early 40s and low sex drive. I orgasm every time and DH is excellent and still very attractive to me.

But I’m exhausted. With a stressful job and long hours, kids, and managing the house/life admin I barely have time to sit and watch tv for 5 minutes let alone find time and energy for a shag. I scroll on mumsnet when nursing my youngest, that’s my break.

pikkumyy77 · 01/02/2025 22:22

Still having sex at 64. Long after menopause of course. No HRT.

Purplecatshopaholic · 01/02/2025 22:26

OMG op, you’re in your 40s, not 80s, arent you sad? Do you really want to give up on your sex life, you are still young? Partner and I are older than you and defo not giving it up any time soon, it’s just such an important part of a loving relationship I think.

Astrabees · 01/02/2025 22:27

Me 68,DH 69, I honestly think sex continues to improve, I’d be devastated if we had to stop. My orgasms get stronger and easier to achieve as I get older and this year I have learned some new techniques that have brought great rewards. If you continue to have a keen interest in really living your life to the full this helps.

lavenderlou · 01/02/2025 22:35

Mid 40s - combination of me starting the mini pill which killed my libido but also removed all perimemopausal issues I'd been having and DH starting to take high dose antidepressants.

Phthia · 01/02/2025 22:39

I wouldn't know, late 60s and still having sex. Maybe not more than once a fortnight, but it's actually better now than when I was in my 30s and permanently tired/worrying about contraception etc etc.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 01/02/2025 22:42

happydappy2 · 01/02/2025 21:28

This thread is fascinating. I think I read somewhere that a womans sexual desire tends to wane when her daughter is of an age to be sexually active. It's' almost as if nature has done its job in having the 1st woman procreate, produce a 2nd female who can then do the same....or maybe it's just the fact that after living with a man for 20 years women don't find them sexually attractive anymore?

Maybe I want to keep going because I don't have any daughters? What malarkey.

chargeitup · 01/02/2025 22:46

LoudMoose · 01/02/2025 22:07

Stopped having sex just before I turned 40. Sex with husband had been mostly disappointing since we started dating 14 years previously. He liked sex twice a week on set days and only in the morning. My sex life before him had been frequent and good, so I don’t know why I settled. My husband hated kissing, so we didn’t. He hated cuddling, so we didn’t. Sex was over in a flash and foreplay was grabbing a boob. I would lie under him wondering if this is how prostitutes feel? Completely disconnected. I think I would like to have sex again(not with him) , however I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore and of course showing my fat, old, saggy body to a new person terrifies me. I think my last kiss was maybe 6/7 years before we stopped sex and he never cuddled. I have gone from a tactile person who loved snogging sessions and sex to someone who feels semi repulsed at the thought of kissing and cuddling. I don’t even cuddle my parents of family anymore as it all feel so alien.

My husband was later diagnosed with autism and I think that’s part of his lack of affection and intimacy. He used to have an adventurous sex life, went to swinger clubs, had a swinger partner etc and I always thought how many people did he disappoint?

Why did you choose to marry him?

farmlife2 · 01/02/2025 22:47

I'm 51, DH is a few years older. Let's just say, it's not going well.

Men have their own issues as they age. Other than the obvious ED, which they might address with medication, they take longer (sometimes a lot longer) to get there. If their woman has any atrophy, that makes his lasting longer bad for her. Add lube to make it easier - then he lasts even longer!

Big obstacles are also poor communication on his part (and I can't be bothered always having to be the one to take charge of that anymore) and he's just not that good at it. I think these are down to the ADHD he has.

I wouldn't be bothered if sex died a natural death but I make the effort for him and his viagra still makes it possible. Without it I'd say it would have died a natural death a while ago.

chargeitup · 01/02/2025 22:48

happydappy2 · 01/02/2025 21:28

This thread is fascinating. I think I read somewhere that a womans sexual desire tends to wane when her daughter is of an age to be sexually active. It's' almost as if nature has done its job in having the 1st woman procreate, produce a 2nd female who can then do the same....or maybe it's just the fact that after living with a man for 20 years women don't find them sexually attractive anymore?

So women with no daughters or no dc at all never lose their desire?

Do people actually stop and think before they come out with such nonsense?

Everythingisnumbersnow · 01/02/2025 22:51

The older I get the more I feel like penetrative sex is just irritating my skin down there

I'm 43 - I can't imagine I'll still be at it in ten years

(All the lame vibrator advice is a bit misplaced imo)