Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

[Chanjh25]

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

You might love him but you are never ever going to be his number one. His ex, their kids, the baby, will all come before you. Even if you have his child it’ll never be his first child, there will always be conflict, you will always feel second best.

Not seen if you said how old you are but you CAN love someone else, so get out and find him.

He's not worth the drama. He'll be a nightmare if you get pregnant too. What he wants is lots of women running round after him so that he feels like the big man, but he doesn't care about any of you, or the kids he's popping out willy-nilly. Don't do it to yourself. Dump him, block him and move on.

Why were you willing to adapt?

He isn't worth it.

Why do you?

What's loveable?

He doesn't treat you well or even consider you

Think about that

Run as fast as you can!!

This is your opportunity to run for the door and don’t look back. He’s not a catch. Leave those two losers to one another and find someone who actually cares about you.

You seem young OP, go live your life, plenty of fish in the sea, throw this one back and let him go spreading his seed.

I rather suspect that he wants your silence because he and ex are back together or that one or both of them are hoping for that. I very much doubt you're the only one he's lying to, anyway.

It won't get better if you hang on to something so damaged and unhealthy, just worse.

You don’t stay with him! That’s the one way in which you’re being utterly unreasonable.

You shouldn’t have been willing to adapt to it all as it’s a total mess on his own making, and he isn’t going to change.

You think you love him but you will get over it and find a decent relationship, once you’ve down some work on your self esteem. Much better than staying in this awful excuse for a “relationship”.

You might feel like you love him but he clearly doesn't love you and he's showing you this really fucking clearly!! You can't change another person, you can't change their feelings or how they act. All you can control is your actions.

Let him be a cheating, lying wanker on his own time. Let him occupy space in someone's else head but so yourself a favour, reclaim your life and let him go. It'll be hard for a while but the sooner you start the sooner you'll be out the other side and living an much more enjoyable existence.

Is there someone you can talk this through in real life with? Someone you trust, a friend or someone older. I think someone's else's support, care and love and honest opinion of this situation will really help you to see this with clarity.

This has a touch of Kyle Walker about this one.

You shouldn't want to be with a man:
(1) who treats you so badly
(2) has another woman that he runs ba k to ever time you have an issue

Every poster here will tell you he's not worth another minute of your time and you are better off without him.

Logically you know it's true - you said it yourself.

If you want to be with him despite the fact he 's a waste of space, why do you think you deserve so little? We can help you will self esteem but no on wants to help you get back with him!

He could convert to a religion that's allows polygamy, then it's all systems go. He then wouldn't need to hide Monday partner from Tuesday or Wednesdays partners.

Imagine your post had been written by someone else and you were reading it. What would you advise her?

I'm sure you would say "Are you mad? He sounds like a horrible man! Leave him and never go back to him! He will ruin your life if you stay with him!"

So do it.

Incidentally I don’t think your question makes it clear whether "unreasonable" means your anger with this creep or you staying with him, so you shouldn’t pay too much attention to the votes.

Run a mile and get yourself an STI test on the way.

@Chanjh25 The acting crazy and shouting and screaming is unreasonable if it's going on for an extended period of time.

It was a shock, you're entitled to shout and scream.
Then dump him. Block him. Work out what you're going to do next with your life.

He is an arsehole and you are so much better of without him.
Yes it will hurt for a bit but you will get over it.
Seriously, stop engaging with him. And shouting shouting and screaming too.

Walk away from this shitshow. Your boyfriend sounds like a terrible person.

It all sounds like a bad Eastenders plot line. Leave him, or expect a lifetime of being treated like this. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I know😫

You absolutely must get away from him immediately, no contact.

You say you’ve invested a lot of years in him - ok, you have and that sucks - but it’s no reason for you to live the rest of your life miserably with a dishonest cheating lying arsehole who has the cheek to say you are dishonest/crazy etc.

Save yourself now. Thank God she’s the pregnant one not you. You can make a clean break. It will be emotionally difficult for you, but you absolutely must do it or you will regret it in the future.

Tell him to fuck all the way to off, and then try to get some therapy to examine why you’re prepared, and even happy, to be treated this way by a man.

He sounds like the sort of man who initially makes you feel amazing but then gradually undermines your self esteem until you feel you have no choice but to put up with his shitty behaviour. It's not your fault- they can be very convincing and when you're feeling low it's hard to see a way out other than trying to change yourself and/or be more accommodating in the hope that if you try hard enough they will go back to being the seemingly lovely person you first met. You need to cut contact with him completely and in time you will see that you do not love the person he actually is, you loved the person that he pretended to be to reel you in. In time you will regain your self esteem and wonder why on earth you even considered being with this weasel.

You are probably not the first person he has done this to. His ex probably feels the same way. When you broke up he may have told her it was because he wanted her back and he probably told her that you are the crazy ex who won't let him go. What he wants now is to be able to play happy families with the ex for a while but with you as a secret on the side. He may even want to convince the ex that they are back together as a family so that she goes ahead with the pregnancy, making her more reliant on him. No doubt if you let him he will eventually come back to you for a while (probably when the mother of his new baby is too tired to run around after him) but he will never treat you well and there will be others. You deserve more.

The greatest mystery in all of this is that such a "man" can be the object of desire to not one but (at least) two women.
When you say you have given him everything, I suspect that means you have attached your self-esteem to his regard for you. Take it back, and go and be happy. I suspect the minute you cut him off, you'll realise what a drain he has been on your time, your emotions, your good night's sleep and probably many other things too.

Get rid and get yourself out of that mess.

I think if you're honest with yourself this is never going to make you happy and you do deserve better. This situation is only going to cause more and more grief to you over the years. Do yourself a huge favor and end it now. Don't waste more time on this. I know you've invested a few years into this and you love him but I remember a phrase saying 'dont cling on to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it' and I think that applies here.
I'm sure there's something better out there for you, you seem to nice and above this shit show. Take care.