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Original poster

Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

358 replies

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 12:20

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

OP posts:
jannier · 30/01/2025 14:10

So you're his bit on the side, are you happy with that?

millymae · 30/01/2025 14:11

There’s a saying that love is blind and in the nicest possible way I think you need to get to Specsavers and sendi him packing.
As someone said earlier the fact that he doesn’t want anyone to know you a couple should be enough to tell you what he really thinks about the relationship

Staticgirl · 30/01/2025 14:12

Google 'sunk costs fallacy'

I am not sure you love him or are obsessed with him. Real love is not this unhealthy.

KimberleyClark · 30/01/2025 14:12

For God’s sake leave him.

Why on earth are two women interested in this utter tosser?

Wtafdidido · 30/01/2025 14:13

He is a liar. He is a cheat. He has no respect for you and he is a spineless idiot. Get some self respect and get rid of him and find someone deserving of your time and live. There is no future for you as he is irrevocably ties to his ex by children. What a bloody mess.

Fishandchipsareyum · 30/01/2025 14:13

Get put of this relationship ASAP. He doesn't value you!

Fishandchipsareyum · 30/01/2025 14:13

*out

SpringleDingle · 30/01/2025 14:14

He sounds like a Prince... Not. This is a stinky fish that should be thrown back in the fetid pool. There are much better prospects out there than a guy wants to have his cake and eat it.

Over40Overdating · 30/01/2025 14:15

Does he have a magic cock that he’s got two women making doormats of themselves over him?

He’s immature, untrustworthy and likely to fall dick first into the nearest woman every time you break up - which will keep happening.
Do you honestly think it’s the first time he’s shagged his ex and it was just bad luck she got pregnant after years apart on a one night stand?

You might love him but he doesn’t love you and if you don’t start loving yourself more, you’ll be sat on the sidelines whilst he plays happy families with his ex and a new baby whilst you are told to be happy for crumbs and shouted out for having feelings.

A man who acts like this can’t be the only man in the world you can be in a relationship, surely?

jannier · 30/01/2025 14:16

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 12:52

She knows about me our relationship we was public about it he was the one who went down and told her to he face but since we split and sort things out he wants me to keep it a secret because she will ruin his life, stop him from seeing his kids bla bla bla all this stuff but he wasn't assed about all that in the beginning when we was together we even went on holiday with his and her kids and me and mine (she obvs didn't come) ahhahaha he's saying it's because he wants to do this so we can have time and bind but Ive told him it's something im not comfortable nor happy with and he's still gone and told her we aren't together? Like hello your scared of her for ruining your life and stopping you from seeing your kids but we eas together PUBLICLY the first time.. he knew exactly what she's like but still slept with her ??

Show quote history

She can't keep him away from his kids if he's on the birth certificate it's just a lie to keep you hidden while he's with her ....you know that don't you.

PokerFriedDips · 30/01/2025 14:19

Walk away. No scratch that - run away as fast as you can.

He has been lying to you.
He has been lying to her.
He is a liar.
Forgiving him will not stop him from being a liar. When they are sorry the only thing they are sorry for is failing to be careful enough to not be found out. You don't want him in your life.

If you don't cut all ties then you will always be the "other woman"/"home wrecker" in the narrative of his children's lives. Whether that's even true or not is irrelevant, you don't want to be part of that story.

diddl · 30/01/2025 14:25

It shouldn't be this difficult.

You deserve better than a shit like him.

You may love him-or some idealised version of him but he certainly doesn't love you.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 14:27

Lillers · 30/01/2025 13:22

Please don’t be naive enough to believe that you have to keep quiet about the relationship for your own benefit. It is 100% because he is still in a relationship with her.

The way he talks about her to you is also the way he talks about you to her.

She is the mother of his children. She is having another baby with him. This was clearly not a one night stand.

Leave them to it.

Yeah it wasn't a one night stand.. first sign that I'm out the picture she's back giving g it 'kids want to see you' pestering him to come down and like an idiot he does but it's not even for the kids it's for themselves !! Like it's normal couldn't imagine inviting my kids dad down even after 3/4 years and casually sleeping with him again knowing he's basically with someone else I'm just as aware what she's doing as what he's doing he'll take all the sex that's being offered to him at this point clearly and she thinks if she can just get him to come down enough times and she can reel him back in but yeah at first he told me he slept with her once then I found out twice and then 3 times.. we split in august he was at hers like 4/5 weeks later that's how much I meant to him

OP posts:
Hopelesscase32 · 30/01/2025 14:28

You're not his girlfriend you're the side piece.

IVFmumoftwo · 30/01/2025 14:30

Why is he still a boyfriend? Get rid.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 14:31

Lillers · 30/01/2025 13:22

Please don’t be naive enough to believe that you have to keep quiet about the relationship for your own benefit. It is 100% because he is still in a relationship with her.

The way he talks about her to you is also the way he talks about you to her.

She is the mother of his children. She is having another baby with him. This was clearly not a one night stand.

Leave them to it.

Also when I found out she was pregnant I was just starting to get over the fact that they had slept together and then I found out she was pregnant and he knew how that broke me I told him I was done and he BEGGED me with everything he had and I felt sorry for him and I believed him and I forgive him but it's like soenthibg happens I find out it breaks me he apologises and gets all emotional with me does something else same thing does something else and turns it round on me but as soon as I'm not putting up with it it's 'your crazy' but if it's soenthibg he's done that's really broken me he begs me and then when I go through the motions of being angry about it he turns it round on me saying im just like her, and that's there's a reason why my ex left (he didn't I kicked him out for his lying cheating gambling addiction sorry ass) and that I have issues.. but when he's not doing anything wrong we are good i mean imagine that?

OP posts:
YourWildAmberSloth · 30/01/2025 14:33

This feels like its going to be one of those threads, where you know that you need to walk away from the relationship, countless posters will tell you to end it, and you will respond with all of the many reasons why you can't or won't. You will say you love him, he's not all bad, his ex-partner is a nightmare, the relationship is great some of the time etc etc. People will accuse you of being a troll because your reasons for staying in the relationship will become progressively more unbelievable. You will stay with him and in a few months start another thread, asking for advice which you don't need (because you already know what you need to do) and which you will just ignore anyway.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 14:34

HollyKnight · 30/01/2025 13:59

Can you not see it? He is treating her the same way he is treating you. Sleeping with you both and telling you both the other means nothing. If she wasn't pregnant, you wouldn't have known he was doing this. He would have just pretended she was a crazy jealous ex. But her being pregnant has done you a favour because this is undeniable proof that he is a liar and a fuck boy. He's going to try to keep stringing you both a long.

He's told her how much I apparently' mean to him he's shown me over and over he's told her over and over he doesn't want to be with her so why go fuck everything up and sleep with her again just to relight that flame of psycho in her if she's this and she's that why do that then? If you hate her and she's caused you all this trauma why sleep with her I got abit in depth with him about it saying that to him also asked him if he hates her so much how could he get it up let alone cum? He's clearly still sexually attracted to her

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 14:35

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 30/01/2025 13:45

Sorry OP, but I really think you need to accept the fact that this guy isn't doing ANYONE any good. He is NOT a good man!!

He is trying to have his cake and eat it, and you're so wrapped up in the idea of being in love with him, that you can't see that you deserve more than the few crumbs he's prepared to drop your way, when it happens to suit him. From what you've said this relationship has never been THAT good, is that REALLY all you want from life? To be blunt, he's treating you like 'sloppy seconds'! For goodness sake, get some self respect and dump his cheating, lying arse!

You told us to tell you straight, well that's telling you, whether you want to hear it or not, remains to be seen!

I'm realising now don't worry these comments have helped a lot ❤️❤️🥺

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 30/01/2025 14:36

Leave before you get pregnant too. Another baby should NOT be brought into this mess.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 14:36

Foreverhope1 · 30/01/2025 13:25

Earlier this week, you posted the same thing but said you'd been in a relationship for 2-3 months ........

Troll post

It's not a troll post sorry I didn't wanna be found 🫣 this is an embarrassment to me and it's not something I want to shout from the rooftops or have someone know who I am

OP posts:
thinktwice36 · 30/01/2025 14:36

Why would you want to stay with him?

Pottedpalm · 30/01/2025 14:38

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 12:26

Yeah there was many reasons why we split the main one was because I felt invisible to him he'd give me the silent treatment constantly for no reason, barely spoke to me touched me or was engaging

Show quote history

Yet you went back to him? Why?

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 14:38

Foreverhope1 · 30/01/2025 13:25

Earlier this week, you posted the same thing but said you'd been in a relationship for 2-3 months ........

Troll post

Actually I just realised I didn't post on Mumsnet so can you tag me in this post?

OP posts:
LondonLawyer · 30/01/2025 14:40

She's not his ex, is she? You are.

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