Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

[Chanjh25]

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

You need to accept that if you decide to stay with him things are going to get very messy in all sorts of ways. Not matter how painful move on and find someone who doesn't come with this sort of baggage and is proud to be with you.

Hi sweetheart,
I don’t know how old you are but obv at any age this is not ok!!!!

Read that back and think if a friend was telling you this what would you say to them? Ditch them right...

IMO this is an absolute dumping ground, not only has he tried to make you out to be the ‘one in the wrong’ but the ex-girlfriend sounds terrible and no one should be asked to ‘stay quiet’ you deserve love so strong that they want to tell the world!

Be direct, strong and calm but this will not be a good thing if you carry on.

Leave him. Probably gonna be best option for both of you

Delete his number. Move on, do not engage with him. Your life will be very difficult, restricted and controlled. The baby momma will also cause you unnecessary drama and conflict. Your lucky to have the choice to leave I hope and you have no ties to this pathetic peasant. I wouldn't call him a man. Good luck go find your happy.

100% you (and her) are being manipulated. 100% leave him. 100% she should know. 100% she will have an awful life with him. Move onwards and upwards and leave them to it. Good luck x

GTFO NOW!!

Jeez OP - you do know that it IS possible to NOT be with a man? You can be single and happy?

You don't need this loser, you have your own kids, why do you want this tosser? In this day and age, no one will judge you for being single. Be proud.

Stop blaming her, stop 'fighting' with her over him. You don't need him, or love him; there's nothing lovable or even likeable about him. He didn't talk to you, touch you or engage with you, remember? Why do you want that back?

Ditch him. Live a good life. Be happy. Be proud that you don't want or need a cheating, selfish, rancid specimen like him.

This sounds exactly like my baby daddy. He literally just popped into my life about three months ago, got me pregnant and now is MIA except when he wants a booty call. We have a two year old together as well and he never visits him, he is always picking fights with me and rubs it in my face that he sleeps with other women. Men like this do not deserve our time, effort, or emotions. I know a piece of you loves him, but please believe you deserve so much better. No man that loves you would ever keep you a secret or make you feel as though someone else was above you in their priorities. If he has been acting "off" trust your instincts, because honestly you're probably right about every scenario you have thought of in your head. You wouldnt think he was lying or doing things behind your back if he were a decent man that was not to lying and doing things behind your back. This sounds like a man that is manipulative and wants his cake and to eat it too. Please take care of yourself and be strong and walk away. You will find after a little of a rough recovery time, the light and self worth and joy in your life will come back. Good luck

Why on earth did you have a second child with this man … I just don’t get it!

Just ask yourself do I need to this shit in my life?? I think you know the answer - you deserve better x

So you have children with your ex, he has children with his ex who he hardly sees and another on the way?
What a fucking mess, those poor kids are not being shown healthy functioning relationships.
You say you love him? Do you honestly think he loves you? Because if you do you are wrong.
Get the fuck away from him protect your children. Poor little mites don’t stand a chance.

Are you a bit thick?

But HE does NOT LOVE YOU at all !! He is a narcissistic lying dirtbag. If you think it's bad now it will only get worse. Too many big red flags there. If you stay with him he'll see that as permission to continue treating you like this. They deserve each other and you, deserve sooo much better. Walk away now while you still can. PLEASE.

Sorry what!? You've given everything to this man but he's taken everything you've had to give, stamped all over it, shat on it and kicked it into the hills and you still can't see that?! He is not a 'giver' of anything meaningful and you're still not listening to us.
So, to be crystal clear, yes he's manipulating you (many narcissistic bells ringing) and, guys love a cat fight, setting you off against his ex means he gets to sit back and enjoy himself while you tear yourself apart.
LEAVE HIM now while you can.
RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS YOU CAN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!

Please please PLEASE!!!!! Have more respect for yourself! This guys is taking you for a ride!! How old are you?

I only ask as I was like this when a boyfriend in late teens/early 20’s before I had the confidence to stand up and say no I deserve better…now in my 30’s I realise I was right and regret nothing! Be was a waster, liar and just generally manipulative and narcissistic.

I would leave him and leave them to it because they are welcome to eachother!!

Definitely get rid of him.

OMG the poor other woman has unwittingly given you the perfect Get Out Of Jail card. RUN, RUN FAST. Block his number or delete his number from your phone. refuse any contact. He'll almost certainly make that booty call when his gf gives him the well deserved boot and he's snagging around again. plenty more fish.
Get some self respect and move on xx

This is typical narcissistic behaviour on his part. Treated you like crap before you broke up then sneaked back into your affections again, expecting everything to be on his terms. Get rid sharpish, he will never change you will have a truly awful life with this gaslighting bastard.

How are you doing @Chanjh25? Hope you have had the strength not to go running back to him, because he will 100% cheat on you again and make your life completely miserable.

Moment of weakness, believing in the good in people. Idk..

You need to wake up. He obviously told you what he thinks that you want to hear (ex is crazy, he hates her etc) and will be telling her what he thinks she wants to hear (you are crazy, you are a stalker, he doesn’t like you or date you any more…) It suits him to have you and his ex fighting so you don’t compare notes or see that he is manipulating you both so you don’t see that he is your problem.

Tbh he was probably shagging her during your relationship but she’s not told you about those times because she didn’t end up pregnant and pregnancy is how she can prove that she’s right.

Prioritise yourself and stop wasting your life on this drama. Block and move on. You’re a grown adult in a situation that mid teens would be in.

I’m older than you but wasted 9 years of my 40’s on a lying, cheating, jealous, violent man. He started cheating on me, I was fully aware of what was happening, (I knew how he had treated his ex wife) but I was so obsessed with him and winning the battle against this other woman who also happened to be an old flame I lost all sense. Finally after years, she found someone else and I had him! I had won….but once I’d got him, I realised I didn’t actually want him and never really had. It had become more of a competition and rather than being the winner, I was the loser because I had to put up with his crazy jealousy and violence. I ended it with him, which he made very difficult but now, in my 50’s, I have a lovely man and I’m very settled. I’m also furious at myself for wasting so many years on such a scumbag. What happened to him? Well he’s now playing the same game with two more sensible intelligent women. He’s a piece of work who has been playing women off against each other for years and it sounds like your boyfriend is the same type. They never change. Get out now while you can, you will never be happy and settled with someone like him.

This relationship has run its course. Its Tim to let it go. It's entirely too messy. You will regret carrying on

Ew... I mean
There is so much men out there.

I can't believe women still falls for shit like this in 2025

You have no self respect.

Please get therapy. If you can’t afford it, maybe some self help books.