Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

[Chanjh25]

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

Because I love him 🫣 I know I'm stupid I know that myself

If he's lying to her about you how do you know he's not lying to you about her!
For all you know they're in a full blown relationship

I don't know why because I can be on my own I was on my own for 3-4 years before I got with him I dunno what's even going on tbh a year ago I was unstoppable didn't give a shit about any man never had any feelings for anybody up until we got together

You will have to just get over that.

No need to be silly about things. You make up your mind and you walk away.

He's nothing special and you don't love him, you're just attached to him for some reason.

What is there to love about him? He's emotionally abusive at the very least, are you sure you're not trauma bonded / been love bombed and just desperately hoping for any crumbs of affection?

Leave him OP, this will only make your life miserable. And anyway, even if you love him, he doesn't love you.

Yeah it wouldn't let me post on the relationship thread but I guess the AIBU part is if I am actually going about over board by shouting and screaming and acting 'crazy' I mean who wouldn't but he's making me feel like it's only me that is feeling like this and anybody else would have a 'calm' approach

We don't have kids together no share anything I dunno I just love the guy a lot and he knows that

Please don’t take this as a dig, but I genuinely am concerned about your lack of self respect.

I cannot believe you are considering staying with him. I feel like you need to leave the relationship and get some therapy for your lack of respect for yourself.

You are being a mug.

And deep down I know there is better men but I've given everything I am to this man and it's not something I'm willing to start all again with somebody else I'm not interested in anybody else but him but I know I need to do the right thing because I'm just thinking like what's next?

Dump him. The chances are he never stopped his relationship with her. The probability of her getting pregnant from a single random ONS isn't huge.

Now you're the bit on the side and he's denying you publicly.

Walk away from this lowlife. Show yourself more respect.

Raise your bar.

you left him because he was being abusive to you by giving the silent treatment, you reconnect and he throws all this crap at you and then wants you to pretend you don’t exist.

leave, now.

I've told him I don't trust him now I k so she would be willing to keep things secret if he wanted too she's that sort of person, so I don't trust him now and that's why I'm acting 'crazy' I guess because you want to trust someone your with don't you you don't wanna all of a sudden question everything they say and worry if they are even where they say they are

Sunk costs fallacy. Just because you've spent a spent a lot of time and affection on this man doesn't mean you should continue to

I think I may be trauma bonded but I do really genuinely love him but I do believe the bengunnjg was love bombing and now I'm just seeing the real him it went from so much affection and checking up on me to radio silence over night and then the occasion 'breadcrumbing' technique bullshit

I know I don't respect my self I've allowed this to happen, my self esteem and the things I'm allowing in my life looking back a year ago I'm embarrassed of myself I'm depressed as shit don't feel confident about myself at all and I know this is all tied to it I'm beating my self up about something he's done because I've been willing to stay

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

I'm not sure which one of you is the partner and which one is the mistress. At the moment she is pregnant with his baby any you are the dirty secret. I think he's keeping you both on the hook and hedging his bets. I'd walk away if I was you. It's very messy. You can do better. It's better to be single than be someone's dirty secret.

You know what you have to do. Best wishes OP.

But you can recognise this isn’t normal and you can help yourself, it’s not too late.

Please speak to someone, a friend or family member. Please leave the relationship and speak to your GP about some CBT sessions.

I know this is harsh but your boyfriend doesn’t love or respect you, and you don’t respect yourself so it’s a never ending circle. He will end up dumping you and getting with ex once babies born and you’ll have no choice to pick yourself up so do it now, have some dignity.

Or you will end up one of those woman who are just a shell, constantly walked over and cheated on multiple times.

I've got some advice. Stop shitting on another woman who also happens to be the mother of his children. You're as much a part of this lowlife's lying and cheating as he is.

And he already has kids with her. So he is never going to be out of her life.

You know you need to end this.

What do you mean by "given him everything"?

She knows about me our relationship we was public about it he was the one who went down and told her to he face but since we split and sort things out he wants me to keep it a secret because she will ruin his life, stop him from seeing his kids bla bla bla all this stuff but he wasn't assed about all that in the beginning when we was together we even went on holiday with his and her kids and me and mine (she obvs didn't come) ahhahaha he's saying it's because he wants to do this so we can have time and bind but Ive told him it's something im not comfortable nor happy with and he's still gone and told her we aren't together? Like hello your scared of her for ruining your life and stopping you from seeing your kids but we eas together PUBLICLY the first time.. he knew exactly what she's like but still slept with her ??

Excuse me? They had split for 4 years before we even got together so how is what he's done with her MY fault?

Like I've given him all of me loved him too much I think

And you got back together with him? The mind boggles.