Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

[Chanjh25]

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

You’re not crazy nor the bad person. He wants to have his cake and eat it. Get rid of him and the drama he brings. Wishing you happiness and love for the future x

Why is this even a question?? Leave him! This man has zero respect for you and you’ve come to think you don’t need any respect for yourself.
Also, message the ex and let her know exactly what’s been going on, because this man thinks he can have his cake and eat it by lying to everyone around him.

The obvious thing would be to leave him and block him everywhere. But I suspect you have low self esteem and feel as though you can't do that. I strongly suggest counselling, to help yourself think differently about yourself and the choices that you make.

Without being too blunt about it , he sees you as the cherry on the top of his cake !
He really is getting to eat all of the cake isn't he ?
The mother of his children is pregnant again , inspite of them not being together ( wonder if she sees it like that )
and you have gone back to him after a break and is still with him knowing you are being seen by him as ' a secret bit on the side ' .
Advice - Walk away with your head held high and don't bother with him any longer .
I'm guessing he will be back with her within the month .

He wants two women so he can lie to you both, he gets off on both of you being insecure knowing he is not telling you the truth and gaslighting you that your paranoid and don’t trust him. He will be telling his ex that they are back together so he needs you to pretend he is not in a relationship with you and will be telling her you are harassing him so will tell her she has to lie they aren’t together as well else you will make his life hell. It’s a big ego boost having two women on the go for him, he feels like he’s irresistible and enjoying the mind games he is playing on you both. He will tell you he doesn’t want to split up with you as he doesn’t want to lose the ego boost, he doesn’t care if his other partner sends you abusive messages as long as the truth is concealed and he can get away with his actions as long as possible. You are both fall back options for him, if one of you discovers the truth and ends it he has the other one to fall back on.
You are the prize, not a fallback woman so walk away now, ignore his lies he will tell you to reel you back and be single with your mind intact as you won’t be continuously trying to find out the truth.

To quote you OP

‘He just needs to grow a pair and tell her to get fucked and it's not about her but her sorry ass is now pregnant and she's choosing to keep it and I ain't being involved in no weird ass triangle soap opera.. it's giving baggage.. he doesn't want me because if he did he wouldn't expect me to lie if he truly wanted me she'd all ready know her place, couldn't imagine showing him he's second to me with anybody’

You also stated ‘he doesn’t want the kid’

Can you not see how disgusting you all are, this is a child that you’re talking about, a child who deserves a loving home but instead will just be a pawn in your game. All three of you should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves, it’s time you all grew up and started acting like responsible parents.
Is it any wonder that that children are growing up with mental health problems when they are involved in situations like this, I think all three of you are truly utterly pathetic.

This just isn't going to work. I'm sure you realise this. So take the advice here and dump

You all sound about 14 years old. You - trying to prove you're not a troll, just highlights what you are doing in your 'relationship'. You're too busy trying to blame him/her when you just need to see it for what it is. He ain't no prize that you should be fighting over, when she has won already (has his kids +1) and she has also got the booby prize. Be dignified and grey rock him and her and get on with your life. Or you'll be 40 with NO kids and still hanging about with him waiting for him to leave her again.

Sounds like a horrible little Road Man with no job who goes from one woman to another trying to make baby mothers out of them. Sleeping where he can like a dog.
Have some respect and leave him

Run
Run far, run fast, run now!
Look on the bright side, you've found out what a lying, undependable little shit he is before you moved in with, or worse, married him
He's a liar, a cheat, he attempted to gaslight you, and now is asking you to ie for him
Whatever good qualities he may have, you are setting yourself up for abuse, cheating, and lying if you stay with him

This. Leave.

He's telling people you're not together so make it the truth. You honestly don't need to be with anyone like that. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He treats you like dirt on his shoe and he's playing you both if not more women. You need to learn to love yourself and find out your true worth because atm it seems like you're letting people dictate to you what you should put up with. You need to discover you. Tell him it's true he's not with you and not to come over ever again. Every time he does take a picture send it to his gf and tell her to come get him cos you're fed up with him coming round because despite what he's saying she is his gf. Find a hobby and I know it isn't easy taking that first step. I started playing football at 37yrs old weighing almost 19st. Getting the courage to actually go was scary and took me months but I went and never looked back. There will be local clubs for alsorts where you are. Near me there's knitting, camera, train, star gazing, football, running, litter picking, board games, netball, cricket, rounders etc. Put yourself out there and you won't have time to dwell on the time waster. Don't let him waste any more of your time and go live your life how you want to live it

It's good to know that you have the capacity to love someone. This is a great gift, this has the power to reshape our lives. But with great power comes great responsibility, and the need for judgement. Given what you've described, mistrusting him is not "acting 'crazy'". Trusting him to be an important part of your life - now that, however sadly, that would be crazy.

@Chanjh25 Why? Why and how can you love someone like that? Genuinely interested as he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and a hell of a lot of horrible ones. Please let us know. I don't understand.

OP, the leopard does not change his spots. You’re enabling him to have his cake and eat it - if he wants you to keep your relationship secret, then you’re nothing more than his bit on the side. Run for the hills.

Possibly because he was touching and engaging with his ex. No man is worth sharing and if she finds out, which she will, that he is lying it is going to go to next level crazy. You see him lying to her, so you can naturally assume everything he is telling you is a load of crap too.
Find some strength to tell this lowlife piece of shit, to go back to her and leave you alone x

People who love you don’t hide you away

This guy is having his cake and eating it.

He does not respect you

Yes, he is manipulating you.

There is absolutely no reason that you should have to keep quiet about your relationship - this is not a loving and respectful relationship - you deserve better and no, he absolutely will not change. Leave. No arguments, long conversations or air time for him to twist things to make you think this is normal etc. - just leave.

@Chanjh25 You say you have posted because you have no close family or friends to talk things over with. I have not read the whole thread, but everyone is telling you the same thing: your relationship with this man is not a good one. You say you love him: I think you are in for a lot more pain if you stay with him. He cheats and lies, expects you to cover for him and is trying to make you feel responsible for his actions.
Get him out of your life. You are, and I mean this, worth so much more. Xxx

Don't lower yourself to there standards! He's a dick,dump him and find someone who loves you and treats you with the respect you deserve x

you dont know this guy, and what you do know is AWFUL

Cop yourself on, he is making a total mug of you. Walk away now and within a couple of months you will have forgotten all about this waste of space.

Urgh. He's got 5 kids and one on the way. Sheesh, most women wouldn't touch him with a barge pole, based on that alone. Throw in the lying and cheating and he is even more of a low value male.

There is no future in this. At worst, he has never stopped being with her, at best she's the woman he will run to every time you have a row. That's if you were even together, which let's face it you're not - he has chosen her.

Ask yourself this - if his best friend got married tomorrow, would he take you to the wedding or her? There's just no legs in this.

Wake up.

Then why would you even consider being with a guy who barely sees his kids? Did he give it the old "my ex is crazy and won't let me see my kids". Can't you see his words are worthless. You can't trust a single thing he says. Look at his actions.

you're better than this, OP. Stop reacting and stop communicating. You know yourself you need to be away and stay away from this guy. Block him everywhere. If he doesn't go back to his pregnant ex, I'm sure it won't be long til he finds another sap who will believe his BS.

The sex isn't worth it. Run a mile. It will only get worse. He will use her as a scapegoat and blame her for his problems.
THE ISSUE IS HIM AND HIS WILLY.
She won't ruin his life, he's ruined his own.
Don't let him ruin yours. Those poor children.

THE ISSUE IS HIM AND HIS WILLY @Littlejellyuk Yes that is it.

Not much going for this relationship. Move on