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Original poster

Boyfriend has gotten ex girlfriend pregnant and wants me to keep things quiet about our relationship

358 replies

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 12:20

I’m posting this here to be told straight basically as I don’t really have any family and friends that know what’s going on in my life so please just tell me how it is Hi girls I really need some advice because I feel honestly crazy here
So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years we split up a few months back for 2-3 months but was in contact with eachother throughout and had slept together a few times still..
To then for us to decide to sort things out properly things was good for a few days until I found out he had slept with his ex.. didn’t mention anything to me but when I found out said he was ‘honestly going to tell me’ was acting off anyway before I found out accusing me of not being trust worthy and that I’m acting ‘shifty’ turned out to just be him.. to then a couple of weeks later he wants to tell me something SHES PREGNANT… she still loves him and is infatuated with him and I’ve told him he’s just relit an old flame in her and she just won’t leave him alone she’s become abusive to me too.. now I was willing to forgive him and try to get over everything that’s happened (the self esteem is clearly next level for me isn’t it😑)
So again we tried again but he’s telling her we aren’t together and wants me to stay quiet about us as he has kids with her and she’ll ‘ruin his life’ so I found out yday he’s been telling her we aren’t together so obvs I’ve hit the roof and now ‘I’m done your crazy’ bla bla bla AM I BEING MANIPULATED cuz I also feel like I’m the bad person right now 😭😭😭 he’s saying that the reason why he doesn’t want her to know just yet is because of the stuff she says and causes but also so that we can have time to ‘bond’ again just any advice 😭

OP posts:
OpenFox · 30/01/2025 17:55

@Chanjh25 Do you know what would improve your self esteem? LEAVING THIS TWAT!!

He clearly doesn't respect you. Or her for that matter. It wouldn't surprise me if he's still sleeping with his ex now he's already got her pregnant.

There are actually nice guys out there. When you have found one, you'll see your self esteem go sky high.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:23

L

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 30/01/2025 18:25

Always take more note of what a man does than what he says.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:27

In reply to @jannifer

I did split with him yes but yes I still had sex a few times with an ex shit happens it's not unusual or uncommon.. I didn't know he was sleeping with his ex and haven't slept with him since I found out..

Secondly, how am I blaming her have you read my post? Or just my replies? Yeah she's egging it on because she still loves him, you don't know her.. I do, yeah all of this is his fault I'm not blaming it on her I'm saying she's apart of the reason all this is happening because AGAIN.. she clearly still loves him and he knows that so I don't get what he's doing

OP posts:
Middlemarch123 · 30/01/2025 18:28

Let her have him.
I’d send him gift wrapped, express delivery.
You’ve made mistakes, but hell, you’re better than this.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/01/2025 18:29

rubyslippers · 30/01/2025 12:21

Leave him!!
there’s probably a million reasons you split up initially
why are you thinking of settling for such a shitty boyfriend?!

Once again - first post nails it!!!

Have some respect for yourself - dump his sorry ass!

Kitchensinktoday · 30/01/2025 18:31

This has a touch of Kyle Walker about this one.

Definitely

Serpentstooth · 30/01/2025 18:33

What a catch ! Definitely worth ruining your life for this one. Get on your knees, say a prayer of thanks for deliverance, then lose him as quickly as you can. Be thankful you're not the poor pregnant ex. Don't be her.

BellissimoGecko · 30/01/2025 18:33

Yeah there was many reasons why we split the main one was because I felt invisible to him he'd give me the silent treatment constantly for no reason, barely spoke to me touched me or was engaging

Then why the ever loving FUCK would you even consider going back to him?????

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:33

AcquadiP · 30/01/2025 17:49

When you were a little girl and growing up, you were deserving of a loving, stable, supportive home life. Clearly, you were deprived of that and suffered some bloody awful things.

The trouble is that type of background distorts what we perceive as normal, acceptable behaviour and usually means we grow up with inadequate boundaries.

NONE of this is your fault.

You were a child then and had no agency; whereas you are an adult now and you are in charge of your life.

Look up articles on setting healthy boundaries. Also, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). There are hundreds of articles online for both - read and absorb.
(I'm not saying btw your ex has NPD but he does have some strong narcissistic traits.)

Once you've done that, you'll be able to spot a narcissistic twat at 100 paces; and your boundaries will be so strong, he wouldn't stand a chance with you anyway. X

I all ready do know how to spot the signs and see them from a mile off especially after my ex before him who I was with for along time and have his children..

He knew what mindset I was in when he got with me I was happy confident and strong minded and knew I would not be putting up with any bullshit yet here we are.. I don't know how we even got here tbh this has all happened in a matter of 30days but I found out he slept with her and then found out she was pregnant in a matter of a few days(she'd clearly gotten pregnant a time before I thought was the only time turned out to be 3 times) but all this was landed on me in space of 3/4 days one thing after the other as well as other personal things going on in my life and then expects me to keep things quiet either love me loudly or don't at all. Ive embarrassed myself for him and he's shown no mercy

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:35

BellissimoGecko · 30/01/2025 18:33

Yeah there was many reasons why we split the main one was because I felt invisible to him he'd give me the silent treatment constantly for no reason, barely spoke to me touched me or was engaging

Then why the ever loving FUCK would you even consider going back to him?????

Cuz I'm a dumb bitch

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:36

Kitchensinktoday · 30/01/2025 18:31

This has a touch of Kyle Walker about this one.

Definitely

Who's Kyle walker I'm sure someone else mentioned him

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:37

Kitchensinktoday · 30/01/2025 18:31

This has a touch of Kyle Walker about this one.

Definitely

Oh I just googled the football player I'm not all familiar with the story what's the resemblance?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:39

ginasevern · 30/01/2025 12:52

I've got some advice. Stop shitting on another woman who also happens to be the mother of his children. You're as much a part of this lowlife's lying and cheating as he is.

How have I shitted on her in my eyes they was OVER I episode of never of bothered with him if I knew different, it's only as she's come out pregnant is she declaring her love for him

OP posts:
BMW6 · 30/01/2025 18:39

Honestly the real Loser here is the one that continues to sleep with this utter Waste Of Space!

What an absolute shitshow.

Hopelesscase32 · 30/01/2025 18:40

This is one of those posts where the op is gonna go back and forth and not listen to anything anyone has to say , she's still gonna go back to him and before you know it she will be pregnant too

Lefthanddownnumberone · 30/01/2025 18:41

Justsayit123 · 30/01/2025 12:21

DUMP HIM!!!!!

Get rid of this lying using cheating scumbag and get a better life.

This good luck to him and her - enough your new life

Fencehedge · 30/01/2025 18:47

He doesn't love you. You don't love him. You don't know what love is. It isn't hormones or trauma bonding. It's an intelligent, thoughtful, committed decision based on mutual genuine respect.

You need to learn how to love yourself, properly.

Decide to say goodbye.

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:48

catlesslady · 30/01/2025 13:17

He sounds like the sort of man who initially makes you feel amazing but then gradually undermines your self esteem until you feel you have no choice but to put up with his shitty behaviour. It's not your fault- they can be very convincing and when you're feeling low it's hard to see a way out other than trying to change yourself and/or be more accommodating in the hope that if you try hard enough they will go back to being the seemingly lovely person you first met. You need to cut contact with him completely and in time you will see that you do not love the person he actually is, you loved the person that he pretended to be to reel you in. In time you will regain your self esteem and wonder why on earth you even considered being with this weasel.

You are probably not the first person he has done this to. His ex probably feels the same way. When you broke up he may have told her it was because he wanted her back and he probably told her that you are the crazy ex who won't let him go. What he wants now is to be able to play happy families with the ex for a while but with you as a secret on the side. He may even want to convince the ex that they are back together as a family so that she goes ahead with the pregnancy, making her more reliant on him. No doubt if you let him he will eventually come back to you for a while (probably when the mother of his new baby is too tired to run around after him) but he will never treat you well and there will be others. You deserve more.

He says he doesn't want her to go along with the pregnancy but then agrees to night feeds..

He told her what they was doing was just sex she shown me all the messages on New Year's Day 🙃 was a lovely little opening for a new year.. he's told her from the beginning of us splitting that it's just sex and that's it she agreed. So he didn't try and cover his own back by doing that but I've said to him he's relit that old flame in her now and he can't sleep with her knowing she still loves him and expects her to not throw a bitch fit when she knows we are back together. What I'm not doing is hiding in the shadows and being treat like someone's dirty little secret to save faces I'm not willing to do that but he's still gone and done it. Why should me being a fully grown adult have to keep something from someone's ex? Why should I have to lie if asked? I want my relationship to be public im not having an affair ffs so what am I hiding about? He just needs to grow a pair and tell her to get fucked and it's not about her but her sorry ass is now pregnant and she's choosing to keep it and I ain't being involved in no weird ass triangle soap opera.. it's giving baggage.. he doesn't want me because if he did he wouldn't expect me to lie if he truly wanted me she'd all ready know her place, couldn't imagine showing him he's second to me with anybody

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 30/01/2025 18:50

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:33

I all ready do know how to spot the signs and see them from a mile off especially after my ex before him who I was with for along time and have his children..

He knew what mindset I was in when he got with me I was happy confident and strong minded and knew I would not be putting up with any bullshit yet here we are.. I don't know how we even got here tbh this has all happened in a matter of 30days but I found out he slept with her and then found out she was pregnant in a matter of a few days(she'd clearly gotten pregnant a time before I thought was the only time turned out to be 3 times) but all this was landed on me in space of 3/4 days one thing after the other as well as other personal things going on in my life and then expects me to keep things quiet either love me loudly or don't at all. Ive embarrassed myself for him and he's shown no mercy

Show quote history

You're right, there's a lot of angst here in a short space of time which will need processing.

You were a happy, confident person, no-shit person when you met him and you will be again.❤️

Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:50

BMW6 · 30/01/2025 18:39

Honestly the real Loser here is the one that continues to sleep with this utter Waste Of Space!

What an absolute shitshow.

I didn't know he was sleeping with her and haven't slept with him since she'd literally sleep with him a minute after me if she could
I'd never of slept with him knowing he'd slept with her and so recently so if ever!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:51

Hopelesscase32 · 30/01/2025 18:40

This is one of those posts where the op is gonna go back and forth and not listen to anything anyone has to say , she's still gonna go back to him and before you know it she will be pregnant too

No I have gone back and fourth...
But I know I'm done hence why I needed a second opinion as I don't have a decent stable person in my life to turn too tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:55

Fencehedge · 30/01/2025 18:47

He doesn't love you. You don't love him. You don't know what love is. It isn't hormones or trauma bonding. It's an intelligent, thoughtful, committed decision based on mutual genuine respect.

You need to learn how to love yourself, properly.

Decide to say goodbye.

Yeah I might not know what actual life is because I've never really bad it but ive gave proper love so don't tell me I don't know what life is because I do I pour it out of my cup and leave myself empty every time, I know I need to work on myself and allow but I have loved 2 people in my whole entire life with everything I have, nothing I wouldn't of done for them. I left a bad relationship once I'll do it again. This is why I stayed on my own for so long because I know I can fall victim to these sort of shitshows and tbh was living my best fucking life being single doing whatever and who ever I want

OP posts:
Original poster
Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:57

Comment above I meant LOVE not 'life'

OP posts:
Fencehedge · 30/01/2025 18:58

Chanjh25 · 30/01/2025 18:55

Yeah I might not know what actual life is because I've never really bad it but ive gave proper love so don't tell me I don't know what life is because I do I pour it out of my cup and leave myself empty every time, I know I need to work on myself and allow but I have loved 2 people in my whole entire life with everything I have, nothing I wouldn't of done for them. I left a bad relationship once I'll do it again. This is why I stayed on my own for so long because I know I can fall victim to these sort of shitshows and tbh was living my best fucking life being single doing whatever and who ever I want

Show quote history

I recommend therapy. Giving everything of yourself away in the hope it'll be reciprocated, isn't it either. You just become more diminished and punished. They don't care.

All the best, you're making the right decision. Rise above it. x

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