To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

I would be quite concerned actually and would be saying if he contacts either of you again you will be filing a police report for harassment.

I think giving him a bit of a scare is necessary as clearly he enjoys and thinks it's okay to harass and bully women.

Young men are extremely entitled these days. Social media red pill influences don't help one bit.

Nasty little bastard.
Do you not have a male relative who can sort this one out for you?

I would report this to police now. This is how stalkers begin.

Why does she need a man to sort it out??

I'd tell him clearly any more contact willbe condidered harassment and i would be reporting this to the police on the basis of harassment /fearing for my dds safety (and whatever else) for 2 reasons

1. To start creating a paper trail to protect your dd. Police can be good but can be slow and dismissive....
2. To give the little shit a fright

Separately it's really worth having a proper conversation with your dd about abusive men and the forms they take this is a lesson it would benefit her to learn young. Resist the urge to just" move past this and forget about it.

I would reply it's this unwanted uncalled fir nasty behaviour from you that has caused this anymore and I'm calling the police

Or just call the police

No male relative, single parent household.

It's really nasty, he was being really horrible tp her last night, he phoned her 25 times over the space of about 10 mins. She text him to stop and said she wasn't going to pick up, that's when he started messaging me.

She didn't dump him via text, but said to him they needed to talk about their relationship at the weekend. And then he went unhinged.

The calls were on top of the texts telling her to ' be a man and just fucking do it'

I'm so angry at him and horrified that he could speak to her like this. Then for him to start on me!

She said she couldn't meet him in person now as he doesn't feel safe.

I read all the time about male aggression towards women, but I am shocked by this.

I would forward that to the police. They may not do anything but they might. 1 message can be ignored but 2 counts as harassment. Even if they just have a chat with him it might stop him doing worse to the next family he encounters. He has serious issues and it should be flagged. Reread what you write it's a bit scary Yes it is scary and don't ignore that gut instinct. 2 women a week die at the hands of men in this country every week and most of them know the men.

Police, the little shit needs the fear of God up him. Just make sure you're both safe.

Well done go your daughter for not putting up with this.

I agree you need to tell the police. Then both of you block him on sm.

I've blocked him so he can't message me, so that's the end to that. When my daughter wakes up ill see what's happened overnight with her and go from there.
If I have to threaten the police I will.

I'll also ensure she has screenshots of everything including call logs..

I feel so awful for her and just can't get my head around it.

I wouldn't threaten police, I'd make them aware so that if this escalates you're not starting from scratch with them.

She says she is scared of him in person, is she safe? How likely is he to be able to catch her on her way to work etc...

Definitely report to the police. If nothing else a picture might emerge for a Claire’s law report for some other poor woman later on.

ETA these men will never change if we continue to shrug off this sort of behaviour or excuse it. It IS harassment, it IS frightening (it’s designed to intimidate) and it’s NOT acceptable. Police should be having a stern word and letting him know that he is on their radar (whether that will happen who knows, but it may).

Very worrying behaviour, does your daughter need to see him again (college, work, etc..?) I would report to the police now before he does something else completely unhinged.

Your daughter is well rid of him. He sounds awful. When things are a bit more settled I'd be having a chat to my daughter about red flag behaviour early on in relationships so she can try to spot the crazy ones.

This sounds like harassment OP. Really troubling behaviour, fast escalation.
I'm not surprised you both feel unsafe.
I'd speak to the police and see what they advise.
Unfortunately I have a bit of experience with this.
Do what you can as soon as possible so that he's being monitored.
Take care x

I would unblock him. If he continues sending threatening messages it would be useful to have those to show the police.

Go to the police, and your DD certainly shouldn't see him. Give her lifts to predictable places like college - instead of.public transport/walk - until he's backed off.

No, she shouldn't have to do that. But some men kill women who reject them. 15 year old Holly Newton was a recent, heartbreaking case. As a pp said, at least 100 women a year are killed by their partners/ex-partners.

Why are you or your daughter even entertaining this. Just block and move on. He’s pissed off, and has an avenue to message you something we never had when we were young. You’ll prob never hear from him
agaiin after this event.

I would report it to the police. Can you get her a personal alarm?

My post upthread has a fair few likes.

I would have not blocked him / would unblock him and give him more rope tbh.

As i said I wouldnt wait to threaten the police. I would tell him any more nonsense /harassment and the police will be contacted.
And i would start logging it with police today preemptively for your own protection and his future girlfriends (who will benefit via clare's law)

Based on contextual cues from your posts it reads like he lives at home still. If i had any method of contact inc address... His parents would 💯 be getting informed about their little shits sons behaviour oo.

Definitely Police. Don't threaten it, I think he's gone beyond that now, just call them. The non-emergency number is 101. So sorry this is happening but well done your daughter for finishing with him.

I just want to come on to say I have had very similar recently, my 14 year old son ended the relationship, with a 14 year old girlfriend. The responses were off the scale including some things aimed at me, it escalated from your position and we did speak with the police. It's so scary and worrying. How is your daughter doing?