To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

This is VERY concerning. Seriously. You should write to him via Instagram and say that you will be contacting the police about a hate crime if he does not apologise and distances himself immediately and disappears from your lives. He will take this seriously as the police investigate hate crimes seriously these days. Disclaimer: I think the whole hate crime nonsense is nonsense (I don't care genuinely if anybody calls me a fat mama) apart from cases like this - when it can be weaponised to save people from dangerous behaviour and potential harm.

Sadly my dd says the same. It is very concerning.

The police will consider the abusiveessages as malicious communications and harrasent. Both are crimes.

OP, report it to the police. Someone reported far less on my behalf as harassment. The police called le.in for an interview and were lovely about it. They asked if there was a call log (there wasn't) and read a couple of messages. That was all. They took it very seriously and recorded it as a crime. I asked them not to take it any further (because I'd had no contact from him for 6 months by the time it was reported) but they told.le their options amd they would have done.

I had to promise I'd contact them immediately if I had any further contact from him.

The extremely unpleasant stalker I had was ex public school. It isn’t some guarantee of good behavior and stability.

Another thing, if your DD and this person share a social circle, she shouldn't fall into the trap of thinking she should not speak about what's happened in some misguided attempt at 'protecting his dignity' or 'keeping it between themselves'. That way, if he should somehow manage to get under her skin again, there will be nobody to support her.

25 calls in 10 minutes is harassment, aside from the nasty messages about you. Keep a record of everything and phone police now. (I wouldn’t wait). He sounds obsessive and this could escalate v quickly.

I think it’s a perfect storm of Andrew Tate and his ilk stirring up hatred against girls and a generation that have never been told no by parents finally getting told no.

Please report to the police. It might seem like an unhinged teenager taking it badly but I’ve seen so many cases where a boy has taken being dumped badly and reacted in a violent way. Flag with 101.

An ex of mine who I went out with at uni did this. TBH I wouldn't call the police (yet). It actually turned out quite well for me, because my parents had thought he was lovely and couldn't work out why I was dumping him, pressurising me to think again. I told them what a nasty piece of shit he was behind closed doors, but they just couldn't imagine him behaving like that. He rang them at about 2am one morning, saying horrible things about me, going on for ages, acting quite deranged. They were utterly disgusted with his behaviour, and realised I was well rid, so were very supportive of me splitting with him after that. My Dad gave him a piece of his mind when he rang again, and he stopped after that.

Some people are just hurting so much after a break up - my first break up was horrendous and I acted like an idiot (although didn't ring his parents). Same for my DD after she got dumped by her first boyfriend, but 99% of people will back off when they realise they're being stupid, and it's not getting them anywhere. Yes, I know in very rare instances it can escalate to something much worse, especially with males, but I think either just block him, or give him a piece of your mind when he next rings, then block him. And make sure your DD puts everything in place to stay safe - make sure no one lets him in to the house she lives in, make sure she doesn't meet up with him again, especially in a private place etc, and she'll be fine.

Don’t “threaten” the police, do it. You need to protect your daughter and nip it in the bud immediately.

25 calls in 10 minutes plus multiple texts to ops dd and then multiple abusive messages to the op is not just an upset teen trying to call his ex. This is an abusive man abusing two women because 1 of them dumped his abusive arse.
You clearly either have no clue about abusive males and the particular danger that they pose to women when they leave and how this behaviour escalates with each victim or you just don't care about women.
Stop minimizing the behaviour of an abusive man

Have you ever worked supporting victims of domestic abuse, or dealt with many male perpetrators? If you had then there is no way that you would minimise this.

(That was response to the post that you were quoting @DreamW3aver , sorry ! Meant for @OneBadKitty )

Don't threaten police, go to the police. Don't let this escalate anymore before you start a paper trail

My DD’s BF sent me a terrible message when he was 17. Unfortunately she sided with him. Our entire family has been blown apart and and she now lives with him. He is abusive and violent towards her, she has no friends and no life, we hardly see her. There is no back story with us as a family. It’s so dreadfully hard. So glad your DD saw him for what he is.

Report this to the police. Ask them what help is available to be sure you are safe.

He is harassing. That is criminal.

So sorry Connie that you are going through that short of illness or accident that’s a teen parents worst nightmare

I don't think it is necessarily more common, men have always acted like twats when they are rejected. Multiple times in pubs I used to have to deal with twats. But it's easier now to directly contact women.

I would say that any more contact from him ,straight to his folks! I think this should be enough to stop him in his tracks.He sounds a loser .What is it with men that they cant bear to be dumped but behave in a terrible manner! Andrew Tate and his cronies are a vile influence on young men .If he continues to contact you straight to Police

Please do NOT do as some PPs are suggesting - you should have no further contact with him, and certainly not let him know your next move. Please take this straight to the police - today, not tomorrow; this morning, not this afternoon.

It's within the last week or so that we've had the full details of another 'boyfriend' who, having been upset with his girlfriend, responding by killing her, her sister, and their mother. (Yes, just the women in the family. No men.... just the women.)

'Men fear that women will laugh at them: women fear that men will kill them.'

He sounds unhinged and I agree he needs warning that you will go to the police. He sees a single parent female household as an easy target.

I'd also chat with your daughter about not ignoring a few worrying traits, when people show you who they are you need to believe them.

1 it's harassment/ domestic violence not a hate crime
2 asking him to apologise is giving him permission to keep in contact
3 he'll know that it's bs and it will escalate things
Your advice is as dangerous for the op and her dd as it is ridiculous, Please give your head a wobble before you follow your own advice or give it to someone who might follow it

Why does she need a man to sort it out??
Well as a guess I would say he is a weak individual who thinks it's ok to taunt women and won't take anything they say seriously. However he would shit himself if a bloke came round and laid it heavy on him.

I’m a Police Officer. You need to phone the Police.