To be astounded at this behaviour from an 18 year old.

[123dontcomeatme]

I'm awake and just trying to get my head around this. I'm middle aged and just reeling from the behaviour of this 18 year old boy.

My daughters first boyfriend, been together just over a year. Seemed nice enough but a few worrying traits which she would talk about with me over the year. Enough to be worries but not enough to end what was a fun relationship.

After a rough 2 months with him, she's had enough and ended things with him.

Hes not taken it well, it's a bit scary.

Hes found me on Instagram and sent me 2 messages telling me it's my fault and that I'm pathetic and a host of other insults.

My daughter is aghast and I'm just struggling to get my head around such unhinged behaviour. I cannot ever imagine anyone doing such a thing. How on earth can he think that's an acceptable thing to do.

I feel so sad for my daughter too and want to support her in the best way possible, but she's furious and dumbstruck and upset all at the same time.

I just can't get my head around the arrogance, entitlement and total disrespectful of an 18, nearly 19 year old boy thinking that's ok.

That’s the Tate influence, isn’t it? Utterly vile.

Tell the police.
Glad she got out. And on the plus side, she's less likely to rethink her decision given his unhinged behaviour.

Bloody awful that in 2025 women and girls are still having to deal with this shit.

Report this to the police.

The little shit needs to realise actions have consequences.

There is a risk this could escalate so you need to report it to protect yourself and your daughter.

Ultimately this is the best thing for that boy as well to face the consequences now and hopefully learn from it rather than grow into an even bigger woman-hater...

Yes, let’s disempower OP a bit more shall we 😐

A few posters have said dont go to police as there has been "no crime". If you are in Scotland, I can assure you, the police "will care" .

On the basis of what you’ve written here I’d repirt on 101 right away. Has stalker behaviour all over it.

Do you know his parents at all? If you think they might be at all receptive you might want to let them know about the situation, especially if you’re going to give a final warning before involving the police, but even if you’re going to police immediately (and I would understand why).

I know he’s legally an adult, but I’d want to know if it was my 18-year-old, and they might be able to make him understand the seriousness of what he’s done.

Let’s actually be honest though. What is going to scare this man most and make him fear future reprisal if he continues? The OP having a firm word? Or a man/group of men who are bigger and stronger than he is? A young female relative was in a similar situation and her older brothers tracked him down.. he stopped. Do you really think that the girls mother having a word would have had the same effect?!

Apologies, wrong thread!

Don’t just threaten the police. Go there now. He sounds dangerous, this could escalate badly. He needs stopping. Now.

I think she’s had a lucky escape. I would definitely be contacting the police even if just to log it, so that they have something to go on if the little bastard carries on. He sounds unhinged and I’d be scared of some sort of escalation. Ringing your daughter 25 times in the space of ten minutes is way beyond even being mad/upset at being dumped. Does he live at home with his parents ? If so, have you got contact details ? I’d be contacting them and letting them know what’s going on, and in the meantime screenshot everything and make sure you have the call logs.

It's pretty classic male behaviour IMO. Take it seriously and report it as harassment.

When I was early 20s (in the early 1980s) I had a boyfriend for about a year. I realised he was a bit odd (in todays terms I recognised some red flags) and broke up with him.

He seemed to take it well at first and returned the keys to my flat with a nice note. It was only later I realised that before returning the keys he had let himself in and taken photos, underwear, my passport and my diary.

He photocopied pages of my diary that were critical of friends and family and posted the copies to them along with letters saying that we had temporarily split up because I was mentally ill, but not to worry, we'd be back together soon.

I complained to the police but they pretty much patted me on the head and told me it was a lovers tiff. It was only when it came out (through his job - he was US forces deployed in the UK) that previous girlfriends had made similar complaints that they took it seriously. After they made contact with his unit he was reposted overseas but the harassment continued by phone and mail. After a couple of years I managed to accrue some evidence to post to his commanding officer and he was dismissed from the forces. He no longer had access to free post and telecoms and so it finally ended.

The worst thing is that I knew from the start there was something off about him but I ignored my instincts because I found him so attractive. Hopefully police today will take this more seriously than they did back then.

Take precautions with your safety

Please listen to Laura Richard’s/Crime Analyst’s podcast. She’s done masses of work on coercive control/stalking/VAWAG and lays out really clearly the red flags to look out for in relationships. Clearly you’re both onto it already with this chap which is wonderful but the podcast might help cement your thinking.

And OP has already said there are no men available - single parent family.

Your daughter needs to block him as well.

Also, fair play to her for recognising that this is terrible behaviour and that she shouldn’t stand for it. Many of us don’t learn that lesson until later on in life!

Do you not see the link?

Don't muck around on this.

One message to say no contact of any kind as you and she are harassed.

Any more communication and you will be reporting to the police, no further comment.

Men like this don't get better. Start as you mean to go on. He will absolutely push it and don't give his age a second thought. He is a grown man.

You must be so worried. I had a similar thing with my Dd and in the end I messaged him to say if he didn’t leave her alone I wouldn’t hesitate to go to the police.
You need to tell this person the same and make sure he understands you 100% mean it.
Good luck, it so horrible to deal with x

Really?

How about she deals with it herself and tells the police after warning him rather than sending the Heavies in?

Broadly speaking, I am one of those people who has no problems with the way technology has infiltrated our lives etc, but I think thi sis one of those situations where the tech, or rather the way people haven't learnt to use it appropriately, is a problem. In my day, in a situation like this, you'd write long letters to the person who dumped you. I once had a boy ring our doorbell 5 times as he left random little things from our relationship at the front door in a pathetic desperate attempt to let me know hurt he was that I'd rejected him. And of course, it stopped when my mum or dad opened the door.

But tech gives them more access, and a sense of fearlessness.

@DozyDorito thats such a sexist attitude. Don’t expect anything to ever change if that’s how you see the world.

I agree @BeLilacSloth
John Hunt's wife and two daughters were murdered by one of the daughters, Louise's ex boyfriend, because she broke it off with him.
Horrific 🥲

Take care.

It appears to be worsening under the influence of Tate and the rise of Incel culture online.

Edited to add USA, especially now under Trump, is going full on war on women's rights.