Page 7 | Is he entitled to be pissed off with me

Tootiredmummyof3 · 2025-01-29T08:25:18+00:00

This morning wake up to a arsy text from DH. Basically pissed off with me because I didn't give him oral laser night. I was feeling really dizzy last night and still don't feel great this morning. I didn't reply but then text me 3 minutes later saying he'd taken the car to work. He knew it wasn't well last night and he didn't check if I felt up to walking to school or ask me to drop him off at work. I texted him thanks for taking the car when you know I'm dizzy. No reply because what can he say. I know I'm not being unreasonable to be annoyed with him but is he also unreasonable to be pissed off with me?

YourWildAmberSloth · 29/01/2025 20:21

BJ is the least of your problems OP.

Sunnybow94 · 29/01/2025 20:21

RogerTaylorsdrumstool · 29/01/2025 20:14

I just read this thread to my DH..

His reply. Fuckinghell. What a shit life the OP must have. She needs to divorce that cunt.

I agree

I read it to my DH as well, neither of us could believe it.
It must be one of the most abusive things I’ve read on MN.
Everytime OP has had sex with her husband out of fear he will punish her the next day if she says no is rape in my mind.

Icanttakethisanymore · 29/01/2025 20:27

out of interest, before you met him, did you imagine you’d end up in a long term relationship with someone who texts you whinging that you didn’t give them oral sex because you felt unwell? Did you imagine this prince among men would fuck off to work in the car without any consideration for how you might get your work / get the kids to school? (It’s not clear from your OP if you’re a teacher or you have kids in school)

seriously? What the fuck are you doing?

champsho · 29/01/2025 20:52

This behaviour is sickening and not the way that someone behaves when they love and care for you.

notatinydancer · 29/01/2025 21:10

@Tootiredmummyof3 you need a conversation with him when you're both calm.
He doesn't get sex every time he demands it.
You're allowed to say no.
If he needs a 'release ' he can sort himself out.
Can you go pro work ?

Hankunamatata · 29/01/2025 21:13

Omg 'needs a release' he really is a prick

Tiswa · 29/01/2025 21:35

He isn’t a teenage boy no he doesn’t need a release and you certainly aren’t obliged to do anything

he is a really abusive prick

Screamingabdabz · 29/01/2025 23:13

Your last post was one of the most chilling things I’ve ever read on MN op. This man is a vile sexual abuser, please op, get him to leave or get away from him asap. You do not need to spend your evenings with a cock in your mouth because if you don’t he’s ‘uncomfortable’. What kind of sick individual says things like that?

WigglyVonWaggly · 29/01/2025 23:34

He’d never get it again from me. I’m genuinely not joking. Wouldn’t want to after that behaviour from him.

devuskums · 29/01/2025 23:36

He is a joke. Wtf!

Original poster

Tootiredmummyof3 · 30/01/2025 08:30

Lots to think about here. DH does have some good points that I haven't mentioned. He is incredibly generous and apart from where sex is concerned he is usually kind .
It really has changed since I became a SAHM but every time I talk about getting a job DH says you don't need to do that. Obviously it's really impractical at the moment due to DS's needs which are my priority.
I do have carers allowance and DS gets DLA so not totally dependent on DH but he does pay for most things.
I did give in to him last night as I felt better. I know what people were saying with just do it when you want but I hate having a nasty atmosphere which isn't good for the kids either.

OP posts:

Completelyjo · 30/01/2025 08:35

He is incredibly generous and apart from where sex is concerned he is usually kind

You need to raise your standards. You literally can’t say apart from when he is sexually abusive he is kind!

It really has changed since I became a SAHM but every time I talk about getting a job DH says you don't need to do that.

Because he wants to control you!

I did give in to him last night as I felt better.

Consider how you have phrased that. Would you want a daughter to feel she had to “give in” to her husband’s advances when she’s tired and recovering from childbirth in order to stop him getting abusive!

I know what people were saying with just do it when you want but I hate having a nasty atmosphere which isn't good for the kids either.
This is called abuse. You’re in an abusive relationship which is not going for your kids either.

TrulySpandau3 · 30/01/2025 08:38

He's a cunt.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2025 08:44

Tootiredmummyof3 · 30/01/2025 08:30

Lots to think about here. DH does have some good points that I haven't mentioned. He is incredibly generous and apart from where sex is concerned he is usually kind .
It really has changed since I became a SAHM but every time I talk about getting a job DH says you don't need to do that. Obviously it's really impractical at the moment due to DS's needs which are my priority.
I do have carers allowance and DS gets DLA so not totally dependent on DH but he does pay for most things.
I did give in to him last night as I felt better. I know what people were saying with just do it when you want but I hate having a nasty atmosphere which isn't good for the kids either.

Yet another deeply sad response to everyone bar the op who is totally oblivious. Please call women's aid op - maybe professionals telling you this man is abusive will help. He isn't generous, it's joint money. When he says you don't need to work ooh say 'that's fine, but then I need total access to all family income, total respect for my contribution'

pinkfondu · 30/01/2025 09:07

This is coercion op.

RebelliousStarrChild · 30/01/2025 09:24

Tootiredmummyof3 · 30/01/2025 08:30

Lots to think about here. DH does have some good points that I haven't mentioned. He is incredibly generous and apart from where sex is concerned he is usually kind .
It really has changed since I became a SAHM but every time I talk about getting a job DH says you don't need to do that. Obviously it's really impractical at the moment due to DS's needs which are my priority.
I do have carers allowance and DS gets DLA so not totally dependent on DH but he does pay for most things.
I did give in to him last night as I felt better. I know what people were saying with just do it when you want but I hate having a nasty atmosphere which isn't good for the kids either.

Be honest now.
Do you somewhat agree with him that because he pays for most things he is entitled to sex when he wants it?

When someone is abusing you, you don't weigh up their positive traits against the abuse. It is not possible that he has enough 'good points' to outweigh the fact that he abuses you sexually and forces you to have sex you don't want by threat of punishment.

DiegoVanDamme · 30/01/2025 09:27

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 18:50

Thanks for sorting many responses. He's been home a while now and is acting like nothing happened. He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.
I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.
I can feel the tension and I know he'll want me to do it tonight especially as I didn't yesterday. I didn't realise until reading this that maybe he does see it as he pays for everything so I do what he wants.

And the poor thing doesn't know how to wank??

Do whatever you can to go back to work, save up and leave the arsehole

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2025 09:46

I've been thinking about you this morning, because I am so sad for you and your children who are growing up being modelled that a males wants are more important that a females.

'He pays for everything.' Well. Of course he does, he is the only one of you who gets paid for the work they do. Yours is unpaid. That's just how a family with dependents works, it doesn't count on his list of attributes.

Also 'you gave in' last night. You don't have to answer this, as it's tmi, but please think about it. So your sexual activities last night - did they involve him giving you head, you having an orgasm and then falling asleep? Because I suspect neither of you consider your pleasure at all very often. It's just about pleasing him, so that he doesn't kick off. It's all so so wrong.

I don't think you're ready to understand, or want to understand yet. So please, I hope the unanimous responses on this thread will sink in soon. Please keep the thread for when you're ready. I'm praying for you and your children it's soon.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2025 09:48

And one more thing. Everyone has good points. Everyone. Example Ted Bundy was charming to his victims. Bad people do good things some times.

Winterskyfall · 30/01/2025 10:10

He sounds like an utterly foul pig. You don't owe him oral. How on earth women put up with disgusting creatures like this I have no idea.

Winterskyfall · 30/01/2025 10:13

Tootiredmummyof3 · 30/01/2025 08:30

Lots to think about here. DH does have some good points that I haven't mentioned. He is incredibly generous and apart from where sex is concerned he is usually kind .
It really has changed since I became a SAHM but every time I talk about getting a job DH says you don't need to do that. Obviously it's really impractical at the moment due to DS's needs which are my priority.
I do have carers allowance and DS gets DLA so not totally dependent on DH but he does pay for most things.
I did give in to him last night as I felt better. I know what people were saying with just do it when you want but I hate having a nasty atmosphere which isn't good for the kids either.

Sometimes when you are vulnerable you see who a person truly is. If I were you I would get a job ASAP. He is treating you like crap because you don't have financial freedom to just up and leave. Of course he is telling you that you don't need a job, it serves him.

FoxtonFoxton · 30/01/2025 10:21

He's kind to you as long as he gets his way though isn't he? He isn't kind because he's kind. It's all dependent on if you do as your told, otherwise you get punished. He won't speak to you or take the car. That's fucked up OP. Really fucked up.
If your child was in this relationship in the future, would you be encouraging them to stay? I don't think so. You'd be able to see it for what it is. It can be hard to see when you are the one being manipulated.

Feelinghurt2 · 30/01/2025 11:01

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 18:50

Thanks for sorting many responses. He's been home a while now and is acting like nothing happened. He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.
I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.
I can feel the tension and I know he'll want me to do it tonight especially as I didn't yesterday. I didn't realise until reading this that maybe he does see it as he pays for everything so I do what he wants.

Made me feel so sad to read this! You are not there to provide his 'release'. You are his wife and he should love and treasure you, not make you feel as though you have to give in to his requests because if you don't, there will be an atmosphere or he will make you feel bad for saying no. Who does he think he is?! Some kind of King and you are there purely to service him? I am so sorry you are being made to feel like this. Just because you are not working at the moment does not entitle him to daily sexual favours from you if you don't always want to. And him saying he won't discuss it further is completely invalidating your feelings and needs. You sound so nice. I'm really sorry.

Themaghag · 30/01/2025 11:24

If I had been in your position last night OP, I would have found the temptation to sink my teeth so far into his cock as to render it unusable in the future, totally overwhelming. You really must not put up with this. This is coercive control at its finest and it's working so well for him too isn't it? He has a strop and you feel you need to pleasure him to put him back into a good mood. I could cry for you. And this will only get worse as time goes on and you become more dependant on him. Tell him that you will be going back to work regardless of what he says and start to get your ducks in a row. You need to leave this cunt as soon as feasible - this really can't carry on. You are being abused.

cheddercherry · 30/01/2025 11:42

Tootiredmummyof3 · 30/01/2025 08:30

Lots to think about here. DH does have some good points that I haven't mentioned. He is incredibly generous and apart from where sex is concerned he is usually kind .
It really has changed since I became a SAHM but every time I talk about getting a job DH says you don't need to do that. Obviously it's really impractical at the moment due to DS's needs which are my priority.
I do have carers allowance and DS gets DLA so not totally dependent on DH but he does pay for most things.
I did give in to him last night as I felt better. I know what people were saying with just do it when you want but I hate having a nasty atmosphere which isn't good for the kids either.

That’s really quite harrowing to read, you “gave in” to him. Normal, loving Sex isn’t something you’re coerced or guilted into, it’s sexual abuse. I know that’s probably hard to hear but having sex with your partner so your kids don’t wake up to an atmosphere is truly horrific. You do see how this is wrong, don’t you?