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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he entitled to be pissed off with me

204 replies

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 08:25

This morning wake up to a arsy text from DH. Basically pissed off with me because I didn't give him oral laser night. I was feeling really dizzy last night and still don't feel great this morning.
I didn't reply but then text me 3 minutes later saying he'd taken the car to work. He knew it wasn't well last night and he didn't check if I felt up to walking to school or ask me to drop him off at work.
I texted him thanks for taking the car when you know I'm dizzy. No reply because what can he say.
I know I'm not being unreasonable to be annoyed with him but is he also unreasonable to be pissed off with me?

OP posts:
Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 29/01/2025 19:04

saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.

God, divorce him. He's utterly revolting.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2025 19:08

He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.

I'm assuming this is your one joint car.

Given that, op, this is a HORRIBLE disrespectful thing to say. The fact that you haven't detailed your riposte suggests you said nothing, and that the both of you have lost the plot so much that you both think this was a perfectly reasonable thing to say. It isn't.

So.

A healthy relationship...

Both parties contribution is equally recognised. You have a child who needs full time care and thus one of you cannot earn any money. Thus it is absolutely obvious that the one who can, this is JOINT MONEY. The car is as much yours as it is his.

In a healthy respectful relationship his comment about the car would neither be thought nor said.

Let's just say it was said. Your response;

'No. That is OUR car. Don't you dare disrespect my contribution.'

LEAVE THIS VILE MAN. For your children's sake. And yours. Please.

FusionChefGeoff · 29/01/2025 19:09

Say no again. Do NOT be bullied into sex you don't want; that's coercion and a form of rape.

Make a point of going for however long it is until YOU want sex. Not to keep the peace / stop a sulk / get him in a good mood - but because you actually want his hands on you and his penis in you.

If that's a few weeks / months then so be it - he'd reveal his full colours then and I bet it would be very very unattractive.

He's basically treating you like a prostitute.

Nhiahlatingvieews · 29/01/2025 19:09

I don’t ever remember a thread on here where so many posters are saying virtually the same thing. Please listen, @Tootiredmummyof3 , you are worth so much more.

Bonjovispyjamas · 29/01/2025 19:15

Ugh, I don't know how you can stay with such a low life.

Daleksatemyshed · 29/01/2025 19:22

So he thinks you're making a fuss because he didn't force you? Forcing you is sexual assault, if he really thinks not forcing you makes him a decent man then there's no hope for this marriage Op. I know MN leaps to leaving the bastard some times but this is not one of them.He thinks because he works everything is his, well you're married, a decent divorce lawyer would get you half of the house and quite possibly the car as well.
You don't work because your DC is disabled, if he can't see that he needs a swift wake up call

Billyblue47 · 29/01/2025 19:23

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 18:50

Thanks for sorting many responses. He's been home a while now and is acting like nothing happened. He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.
I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.
I can feel the tension and I know he'll want me to do it tonight especially as I didn't yesterday. I didn't realise until reading this that maybe he does see it as he pays for everything so I do what he wants.

You are not his personal sex toy. Don't have ever have sex that you don't want. If his balls hurt he can have a five knuckle shuffle

TheSidewinderSleepsTonite · 29/01/2025 19:27

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 18:50

Thanks for sorting many responses. He's been home a while now and is acting like nothing happened. He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.
I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.
I can feel the tension and I know he'll want me to do it tonight especially as I didn't yesterday. I didn't realise until reading this that maybe he does see it as he pays for everything so I do what he wants.

This is abusive. Op, please realise this isn't normal. He's forcing you to engage in sexual activity against your will.

whathaveiforgotten · 29/01/2025 19:35

I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.

Amazing for such a massive wanker he seems to not understand what a wank would do...

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 29/01/2025 19:35

He doesn't love you OP. You deserve a man who treasures and values you for you, not just as a mouth and a vagina he can stick his dick in.

Bringmeahigherlove · 29/01/2025 19:36

How many threads per week are about men feeling like they have the God given right to demand sex or sexual acts from their partners!? It’s very worrying.

Edited just to add, it doesn’t matter if you feel on top of the world! If you say no it’s a no and he doesn’t get to go in a huff over it. I noticed in all of your posts you’re focused on how you felt dizzy to justify saying no.

Completelyjo · 29/01/2025 19:39

Sometimes I genuinely struggle to understand the absolute gremlins some of you are married to and the shit you put up with.

MissUltraViolet · 29/01/2025 19:40

"He wants some kind of sex every day" and your username is tired mum of 3 so I know, whether you admit it or not, you absolutely do not want to have sex with him or give him a blow job every fucking day. You're doing it to keep him happy and stop him being moody/sulking.

Forget the bloody car. You are being abused.

Lyn348 · 29/01/2025 19:45

Vile sex pest. You deserve so much better than this OP.

Jom222 · 29/01/2025 19:46

Does he give you oral?? I haven't rtft but my first thought (well 2nd, after thinking he's a jerk) was does he make sure you're sexually satisfied?

I'm going to guess not because he sounds very selfish.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2025 19:48

Tonight op, do YOU want sex? As in, if it was entirely your choice tonight whether you had sex would you choose that, or not?
Here's the thing. It IS entirely your choice.
Saying no is allowed. You don't even need to be dizzy.

If you're thinking that there's no way you could say no again tonight, then you surely must realise that you are in an abusive relationship?

pinkyredrose · 29/01/2025 19:49

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 10:23

He honestly wasn't like this when we had our older children. He didn't sulk and if he really needed a lift he would have asked me.
Since having DS though he seems to have changed and massively so since I gave up work to care for DS who has complex SEN (even though I said I would stay at work and he could stay home but he didn't want to). I think he sees me as less of a person because I'm not working although he denies that. It's just a mess.
I want our marriage to work. No matter what DS absolutely adores his dad and looks for him all the time when he's at work so it's not as simple as just leave him. Leaving him for sulking seems OTT.

You won't be leaving him for sulking, you'll be leaving him for being sexually abusive.

He does get a bit moody when I say no 😥😡 Just no Op. You're not a household appliance with a vagina attachment.

laurini · 29/01/2025 19:51

Patting himself on the back for not raping you. The bar is on the floor. Please leave him.

ItGhoul · 29/01/2025 19:52

Tootiredmummyof3 · 29/01/2025 18:50

Thanks for sorting many responses. He's been home a while now and is acting like nothing happened. He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.
I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.
I can feel the tension and I know he'll want me to do it tonight especially as I didn't yesterday. I didn't realise until reading this that maybe he does see it as he pays for everything so I do what he wants.

This. Is. Abuse.

He’s coercive. This is a form of coercive control. You REALLY need to leave him.

Also he’s lying about it being uncomfortable for a man not to get ‘release’. It isn’t. And if it was, he wouldn’t need you to provide that release. He could go to the bathroom and masturbate.

If you are only having sex with him because you are scared he’ll be cruel/unkind to you if don’t, or because he tells you that you have to do it because he pays for things, he is raping you. He’s coercing you into sex. Please wake up. Contact Women’s Aid or something and get some advice.

TeaAndTattoos · 29/01/2025 19:54

He’s being a twat and a bully. In his mind your punishment for not giving him oral is having no car. What exactly is this waste of skin bringing to the relationship because I imagine it’s nothing but misery and unpleasantness when you don’t do what he wants and the bare minimum with the kids.

Teenyweenytinytrees · 29/01/2025 19:55

He is vile. Reading this thread has turned my stomach. Please take action.

LifeExperience · 29/01/2025 19:55

He said WHAT?! That misogynistic attitude went out in the 1960s. No woman owes any man sex. You married a sexist dick. I'd be telling him that if he ever wants to see you naked again he better check the piggish attitude at the door.

voubledision · 29/01/2025 20:07

If the car is his then let him fuck off and have a wank in it because your body is yours and certainly not for him. What a twat!

voubledision · 29/01/2025 20:08

Also have you had the reason for dizziness checked?

RogerTaylorsdrumstool · 29/01/2025 20:14

I just read this thread to my DH..

His reply. Fuckinghell. What a shit life the OP must have. She needs to divorce that cunt.

I agree