Is he entitled to be pissed off with me

[Tootiredmummyof3]

This morning wake up to a arsy text from DH. Basically pissed off with me because I didn't give him oral laser night. I was feeling really dizzy last night and still don't feel great this morning.
I didn't reply but then text me 3 minutes later saying he'd taken the car to work. He knew it wasn't well last night and he didn't check if I felt up to walking to school or ask me to drop him off at work.
I texted him thanks for taking the car when you know I'm dizzy. No reply because what can he say.
I know I'm not being unreasonable to be annoyed with him but is he also unreasonable to be pissed off with me?

So you're a prostitute and he's upset that he paid you and you didn't perform?

You're surely not married to this arsehole?

He is not entitled to sex from you. You should only be having sex when you enthusiastically want it, not because you feel guilty or because he will punish you by sulking. No one is suggesting that you should leave him just for sulking, but that you should leave him because he is sexually abusing you. Your sister is right as to why he is doing this. He is training you not to say no again. I am sorry OP, it is a lot to take in and hard to come to terms with.

Be arsy with him and remove oral off the table for the foreseeable future. What a man-child

He has two hands I am guessing if he is driving?? 😕✊

Just to say, my rage at this treatment would be off the charts. I literally cannot imagine tolerating this for even a single second, so I will bow out because I really have no sympathy for you for being such a doormat, and my disgust at his behaviour makes me unable to say anything helpful.

If your husband comes back from work late and tells you big Colin demanded oral from him, but unlike the other days, he was too ill to give in so Colin took the car and made him walk home. Would you tell him he should keep working for Colin, it's not worth leaving over a sulk?

Do you not often say no, just to keep the peace?

sorry you are married to an utter arse OP

I'd tell him to fuck off!

Sounds like sexual coercion to me. I had an ex like this, would be awful and mean if I turned down sex if I wasn’t feeling well or tired, which wasn’t often. I’d end up giving in and sort of dissociating through it just to avoid him being nasty or giving me the cold shoulder.

I'm glad you asked. I too couldn't work that out, assumed it was some sort of laser based game... or that I was very naieve to some new sexual thing.

Now that you're a sahm, (who didn't have any choice but to be it seems since he refused) it appears that he thinks he owns you.

You're asking if it's reasonable that your husband is angry with you for not wanting to perform sex acts on demand?
Or that your husband deliberately punishes you and seeks to make your life harder?
It's a worry you can't see how awful this is OP, how do you need to ask?

I see. Sex is part of the job description now. Part of the implied bargain of what you’ll do in exchange for not going out to work (more housework, more cooking, more sex). The disgusting pig is treating you like a prostitute.

Go back to work.

“He wants some sort of sex every day. I usually agree but I didn't last night and now he's angry.”

You are being abused op. Please wake up to this.

This is disgusting. You’re basically giving in and doing something sexual with him every single day, despite not wanting to, to stop him doing things like this and punishing you.

There’s a word for that isn’t there?

And one day you actually say no because don’t feel well and he behaves like this. He’s abusive.

he thinks you're his house elf/nanny/sex on demand provider combined now OP.
This is really abusive behaviour.

Just stop for a second and think - under what circumstances would you want to have sex with your partner knowing he wasn't keen?

I actually want to vomit... if any man ever sent me this message, it would be the last time he spoke to me. Married or not.

This is disgusting, how are you not leaving him when he is sexually abusive?

You do know it isn't remotely normal or OK for someone to expect sex on demand whenever they want it and to get angry if they don't get it, surely?

This sounds like a really abusive relationship and the fact that you have to ask if it's OK to say no to sex when you don't want it suggests that you have long ago lost any sense of what a healthy relationship looks like.

You're not just there to service him as he wishes. Sex is meant to be something you both get enjoyment out of, not just something you do for him to satisfy him whether you like it or not. Obviously there can be a mismatch in sex drives in a relationship, but he isn't going to boost your libido by treating you like a human Fleshlight. Quite the opposite, in fact.

My own sex drive is relatively high but if a man was demanding sex from me and then getting angry when I said no, I would probably never want to sleep with him again, frankly.

This, if any man dared to treat me like a paid for prostitute there would be no coming back from it ever. Demanding some form of daily sex, like a blow Job, as he pays the bills. Taking rhe car away as he paid for it, to make a point, that it’s his, is as low as it gets.

thr issue is op. He no longer sees you as an equal, just something he’s paid for. There to do housework, childcare and provide sex as he wishes.

I honestly would end my marriage, because as this poster says, the fact you even have to ask, shows how deeply abused you are, that you can’t even see it any more.

Thanks for sorting many responses. He's been home a while now and is acting like nothing happened. He said the car is his and he's entitled to use it and I should be glad he usually lets me use it.
I said I was upset he wanted a blow job when I felt so ill and he wasn't happy with me, saying it's not as if he forced me, and he said it's uncomfortable for a man if they can't get any release. He said that's the end of it he doesn't want to discuss it.
I can feel the tension and I know he'll want me to do it tonight especially as I didn't yesterday. I didn't realise until reading this that maybe he does see it as he pays for everything so I do what he wants.

Jesus Christ! OP I don’t think I’ve said this before but LTB!

Don’t bloody do it. In fact start getting your ducks in a row. The more you post, the worse it gets. I’m so sorry. 💐

Can't you see how abusive this is?? He's treating you like a prostitute. This is NOT normal.

What an utter cunt. If he's so desperate for his "release" he can go off and have a wank and not bother his sick wife. The fact he even wants to have sex with someone so blatantly unwilling is gross and problematic anyway.
I'd rather sleep downstairs or in with the kids than go anywhere near him. I'd be making plans for an exit. I'm so sorry OP, you deserve better.