Is he entitled to be pissed off with me

[Tootiredmummyof3]

This morning wake up to a arsy text from DH. Basically pissed off with me because I didn't give him oral laser night. I was feeling really dizzy last night and still don't feel great this morning.
I didn't reply but then text me 3 minutes later saying he'd taken the car to work. He knew it wasn't well last night and he didn't check if I felt up to walking to school or ask me to drop him off at work.
I texted him thanks for taking the car when you know I'm dizzy. No reply because what can he say.
I know I'm not being unreasonable to be annoyed with him but is he also unreasonable to be pissed off with me?

He honestly wasn't like this when we had our older children. He didn't sulk and if he really needed a lift he would have asked me.
Since having DS though he seems to have changed and massively so since I gave up work to care for DS who has complex SEN (even though I said I would stay at work and he could stay home but he didn't want to). I think he sees me as less of a person because I'm not working although he denies that. It's just a mess.
I want our marriage to work. No matter what DS absolutely adores his dad and looks for him all the time when he's at work so it's not as simple as just leave him. Leaving him for sulking seems OTT.

Sorry what is an oral laser?

It’s not just sulking. It’s abusive, manipulative, coercive behaviour. Wake up @Tootiredmummyof3 . Read what everyone is saying.

YANBU

He sounds disgusting and abusive tbh

But I echo those saying don’t drive if you feel dizzy

I want our marriage to work.

Why?

Leaving him for sulking seems OTT.

Leave him because he has no respect for you and has treated you like a sex object. If that's not enough remember he punished you by taking the car and making your day more difficult for not putting his dick in your mouth.

Laser is a typo for last.

Oral laser night

Oral last night

Do you want your son growing up thinking this is appropriate behaviour?

Oral last night. I was in a bit of a state this morning

It's not leaving him for sulking. He's trying to pressure you to do sexual acts. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care that you were unwell. He only cared about having his needs met. He behaved like a petulant teenage boy. I can visualise Kevin and Perry... its so unfair. It just gives me the ick.

Your Sister is a very sensible woman, of course he behaves badly so you won't say No again. You've given up work for your DS so now the power balance has changed, he feels you should pay him in kind since he makes all the money. He may be jealous of all the attention your DS gets too

Is sex usually on his terms? Do you get any say at all without repercussions?

He’s an awful prick. Possibly abusive depending on whether this is a one off or a pattern.

So why are you accepting it?

What gives him the right to sex on tap? (and sex of his choosing too)

Is this what you want to live with?

Because he wasn't like this before. It's been the last 4 years but has really changed in the six months since I stopped working
I want my old husband back and I see the man he used to be sometimes but he is demanding sexually. He wants some sort of sex every day. I usually agree but I didn't last night and now he's angry.

You might want your marriage to work, does he?

And why does he think because he's the sole earner that he deserves sex when he likes?

There's a name for that...

What sex do you want every day?

And is it ever a two-way street?

Fuck that's not good. My DP wouldn't dream of even suggesting sex if I didn't feel well, let alone treating me like that if I said No! Tbh I would send him something that was brutally honest and said you cannot believe he would behave in such a vile, manipulative manner and coercion is not consent. You know he behaves badly to ensure you are less likely to say no next time, which is not acceptable. You are not his property, you do not exist to empty his balls into and no urge to have sexual contact overrides basic respect for your partner. Next time, go have a wank. Which might happen a lot as being treated like a piece of meat has just made your fanny slam shut.

Then I'd leave him. But that's me and it isn't always that easy.

It's not leaving him for sulking though is it OP? It's so much deeper than that. The total lack of respect, the manipulation, the spite....

None of them were 'like this before' - he is like this now though. This is the reason many women stay in abusive relationships, wishing for the previous version of the man in front of them.

Your sister doesn’t like him
listen to your sister

Does he usually get oral every night or did he ask last night and you refused? Does he give you oral without receiving any pleasure himself ever?

Yeah he's trying to pressure you into doing sex acts when you don't want to.

Ask him if he'd be happier if you gave him oral when you didn't want to. Would that turn him on knowing you're doing it just to shut him up and don't like it.

You are in a sexually abusive marriage - he has no right to demand sex at all and certainly not react like this.
yiur sister is right he is trying to control you and make sure you keep in line

he doesn’t care about the fact you felt ill only his own needs

My partner can be annoying but he would be out the door if he ever got grumpy about me not being up for anything sex wise. I can't fathom it. Honestly, I would be outraged if he tried that. What an absolute arse. I am outraged for you.

Tell him all sex is off the table until he shows some consideration. And mean it

You don't ever have to have sex with him again @Tootiredmummyof3 . He is not your friend.

I would try to get back into work, even if it means buying in childcare and not making a profit at first.

I'd be replying saying emotional blackmail is very much unsexy and perhaps he'd like to keep the car and be somewhere else with it this evening while your probable migraine lifts. Demanding Isn't how relationships work