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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

284 replies

Runrabbit123 · 28/01/2025 14:21

Just want to see if the way I’m feeling is fair or not.

Friend has asked 7 of us to be bridesmaids for her in June.

Now for some reason I always thought it was the done thing for the bride to pay for bridemaid dresses, hair, make up and bouquet. Which is what I did for my bridesmaids 6 years. Especially as let’s be honest most bridesmaid dresses you couldn’t wear again.

Friend asked us to be bridemaids last year which I agreed too. We’ve just booked the hen, I could only attend one day of the weekend due to costs (new mum just returned back to work last month from mat leave)

So was a bit shocked to be asked about paying for our dresses and hair to be done. I said I’d do my own make up. I really don’t want to let friend down but I don’t have a spare £150-200 for dress and hair. I’m happy to do my make up and buy a pair of shoes. Just don’t want to look like a bad friend.

AIBU - bridesmaid should pay
YANBU - bride pays

OP posts:
EvieMcSpeedy · 28/01/2025 14:22

The bride should definitely pay. To be honest, they shouldn’t have bridesmaids if they can’t afford to pay for them.

BarbaraHoward · 28/01/2025 14:23

I think the waters are muddying on this one.

Traditionally in the UK and Ireland the bride paid, but in the US the bridesmaids pay. The internet means the cultures are converging somewhat (lots of weddings websites are American) and I suspect it will become more common for bridesmaids here to pay.

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to send her a very nice message saying that you're so excited but that you misunderstood and you just can't afford it. No hard feelings at all, can't wait for the big day etc etc etc.

Raininginparadise2 · 28/01/2025 14:25

Bride should pay. 7 bridesmaids is a lot. Maybe that's why she's expecting you all to pay for your own. Maybe bridesmaids need to help her keep it realistic.

BaronessBomburst · 28/01/2025 14:26

Don't let other people decide how you spend your money!

Daisymae55 · 28/01/2025 14:26

The way I see it (and the way I did it) - if the bride wants a certain dress/hairstyle/shoe the bride pays for it.

I chose dresses and shoes for my bridesmaid which I paid for. I was happy for them to do hair and make up as they wanted so they did their own and looked lovely (I also did my own make up and only my mum and I had our hair done, mainly because we are useless at hair).

I also had a house party for my hen do, so no cost to bridal party or friends. I wanted everything to be as easy for everyone as possible

Rickrolypoly · 28/01/2025 14:26

The Bride/Groom should pay for any wedding expenses where they are specifically asking you to wear something/get something done. I guess the fact that she is having 7 (WTF) BM's is the reason she wants you guys to foot the bill.

That said- if you really can not afford it then just say so. Explain that when you accepted the roll you didn't realise that you would be the one paying and you can not afford it.

Deetelves · 28/01/2025 14:27

Unless you say wear what you want, and wear your hair and makeup how we you want - the bride should pay.

TheAphrodite · 28/01/2025 14:28

Hmm it's a tough one, could you find a nice dress that you could possibly wear again but on vinted? there's all types of bargains on there. (also know people may not like Shein - but they have some beautiful formal wear dresses very cheap) xx

InTheRainOnATrain · 28/01/2025 14:31

Where is the bride from and where is the wedding? The done thing in the UK is the bride pays for the dresses but in American weddings the bridesmaids would always pay. So maybe it’s a culture clash??? If she’s British and the wedding is in the UK though then she’s definitely taking the piss. Hair I’d view as optional. I have paid for it as a British bridesmaid but it wasn’t expected in any way that I get my hair professionally done, I just asked if I could be added on at my own expense rather than DIY. If the bride is insisting though then she should be paying (presuming this is in the UK).

tropicalroses · 28/01/2025 14:31

Wedding parties are so big now its ridiculous. I think when people were having one or two it was fine for the bride to pay, but there seems to be this fashion now to have a whole entourage around you, which then makes its it an astronomical cost to clothe them all

PhoenixReincarnated · 28/01/2025 14:32

Bride/groom should pay but a lot seem to be adopting the American tradition where the bridesmaids pay which I think is cheeky tbh. The only way that would be acceptable is if, as a pp said, bridesmaids were told to wear what they want, do their own hair/makeup.

HundredPercentUnsure · 28/01/2025 14:32

Daisymae55 · 28/01/2025 14:26

The way I see it (and the way I did it) - if the bride wants a certain dress/hairstyle/shoe the bride pays for it.

I chose dresses and shoes for my bridesmaid which I paid for. I was happy for them to do hair and make up as they wanted so they did their own and looked lovely (I also did my own make up and only my mum and I had our hair done, mainly because we are useless at hair).

I also had a house party for my hen do, so no cost to bridal party or friends. I wanted everything to be as easy for everyone as possible

Same here. Totally agree. Makes it accessible that way.

MrsJHernandez · 28/01/2025 14:33

The bride should pay for everything, especially if she expects hair and make-up to be done professionally.

If she can't afford to pay, she shouldn't have that many bridesmaids. What have the other girls said about having to pay?

I bought my two little bridesmaids their dresses, socks and shoes. No flowers or make-up because they were 4 and 5!

Snowmanscarf · 28/01/2025 14:34

Bride pays for the dress (and shoes?) and flowers.

Bride pays for hair and make-up, or let bridesmaids do their own.

Poppyseeds79 · 28/01/2025 14:36

I'd say I couldn't afford it, still happy to come as a guest instead.

midgetastic · 28/01/2025 14:36

Either bride pays OR she allows the bridesmaids a lot of flexibility/ lets them wear what they want and doesn't worry about the colour scheme and fancy frocks

Gloriainextremis · 28/01/2025 14:36

If the bride has chosen the style and colour of bridesmaid dress, then the bride should pay.

flipent · 28/01/2025 14:37

Bride pays for the dress - I think Bridesmaids should pay for shoes, as they can wear again, but depends how prescriptive the Bride is being.
Hair / make up - Bridesmaids do own or pay.

If you don't have any control / choice / ability to influence the cost, you shouldn't have to pay.

mitogoshigg · 28/01/2025 14:39

Bride pays unless it's "wear any dress" situation. No need for professional hair or makeup.

Latenightreader · 28/01/2025 14:41

Bride pays for the dresses if they have specific style/dress in mind.

When I was a bridesmaid I was asked to wear a particular (not unusual) colour sandles or shoes, but could choose any style, and I paid for them myself. We were offered the chance to have our hair and makeup done, but I opted out of that as I wear very little makeup and had a short bob with limited styling options.

You definitely shouldn't be £££ out of pocket for a dress you didn't choose and will probably never wear again.

JustMyView13 · 28/01/2025 14:43

I’m seeing this more and more.

I think the bride pays. And if she can’t afford 7 bridesmaids then she doesn’t have 7.

But I’m seeing so many people push the cost onto their bridesmaids and I personally think it’s really unfair, for all of the reasons you feel that way.

mrsm43s · 28/01/2025 14:43

Historically, the bride paid (in the UK),

But, times seem to be changing and it seems reasonably normal for the bridesmaids to pay now, as a PP said, I think this has moved across from the USA.

So either is normal now. But, I think it's a bit unreasonable of the bride to not spell that out when asking you to be a bridesmaid so that you knew what you were signing up for.

Waterboatlass · 28/01/2025 14:44

Bride should pay, or very modestly priced dresses if the bridesmaids pay. Over a hundred is too much for the latter.

I like the practice which I think is newish, of choosing a colour scheme and asking bridesmaids to choose a dress within it in which case I think it's ok for them to pay. So no rigid style, it just has to be appropriate for a wedding. That way they can do second hand.

7 bridesmaids all left hundreds of pounds out of pocket for the dress, hair and makeup is very tacky. She should calculate her budget and work to it. Either 7 bridesmaids and a more affordable approach or a smaller party she can cover.

handsdownthebest · 28/01/2025 14:44

Paid for everything to do with bridesmaids, dress, shoes hair makeup and flowers.
They wore their own shoes, which they already had from other weddings.

Waterboatlass · 28/01/2025 14:45

I think it's more about not imposing costs on friends than who pays.

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