Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

[Runrabbit123]

Just want to see if the way I’m feeling is fair or not.

Friend has asked 7 of us to be bridesmaids for her in June.

Now for some reason I always thought it was the done thing for the bride to pay for bridemaid dresses, hair, make up and bouquet. Which is what I did for my bridesmaids 6 years. Especially as let’s be honest most bridesmaid dresses you couldn’t wear again.

Friend asked us to be bridemaids last year which I agreed too. We’ve just booked the hen, I could only attend one day of the weekend due to costs (new mum just returned back to work last month from mat leave)

So was a bit shocked to be asked about paying for our dresses and hair to be done. I said I’d do my own make up. I really don’t want to let friend down but I don’t have a spare £150-200 for dress and hair. I’m happy to do my make up and buy a pair of shoes. Just don’t want to look like a bad friend.

AIBU - bridesmaid should pay
YANBU - bride pays

YANBU.

I could’ve written this. A couple of year ago, a friend decided to have 8 friends as bridesmaids. We’re colleagues, so although jt was nice to be asked, I didn’t really see us as that close. However, I said yes as it would’ve been incredibly awkward to say no. I later regretted this as the whole thing (hen do, wedding accommodation, travel, wedding gift, hair) cost me over £600. I was absolutely livid by the end and I could’ve kicked myself for ever saying yes. It definitely marred my experience of her day as I was so cross about the amount of money I’d forked out. It was never ending as well, once the hen do was booked, “if you want to join in the cocktail making, can you send another £10 each please”
I’m still slightly bitter about it to this day🤣 but completely my own fault for agreeing to it all. I wish I’d had more of a backbone and said no!
Agree with PP as it’s definitely tacky. If you can’t afford 7 bridesmaids - you shouldn’t have them! No one should be telling you how to spend your hard earned cash.

Nine bridesmaids is bloody ridiculous! No wonder she wants you all to pay.

We paid for my (3) bridesmaids’ dresses and hair - the dresses were a dark colour and floor length so just asked them to buy some black strappy sandals or wear some they already had. We paid their hotel bills as well. Weddings have got a bit over the top in recent years. There are cheaper online options dress else these days though.

I got married in 2017 and pair for dress, shoes and accessories for my 3 bridesmaids. I paid for my chief bridesmaids hair and make up as she was literally amazing!! My other 2 paid for themselves BUT it was optional, I didn’t say they HAD to pay for it. They could have sourced their own or done their own.

I've been a bridesmaid twice in the UK, 13 years ago and 1 year ago. Both times I bought my own dress.
First time it was totally my choice, second time we were asked to get something in the sage green-ish category.
Both times I did my own hair and make-up, but they were fairly low key weddings.

Both my elder daughters had the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, it was any dresses in a colour/theme. Dd1 paid for their hair and makeup (and accommodation) whilst dd2 had another friend do the hair and make up (wedding local so no accommodation needed). I think if a particular dress is required the bride should pay.

Bride should pay for all the reasons you stated. It’s the brides wedding and her choice of dress and the colour scheme, why should you be out of pocket for that. I’ve never heard of bridesmaids paying for the dresses until this thread.
edited to add bride pays for hair and makeup too.

I paid for my bridesmaids’ dresses, shoes and bouquets. I didn’t pay for their hair and makeup but it wasn’t a requirement from me for them to have it professionally done. They did their own.

I would resign and say you’re much happier being a
guest

I have been a bridesmaid 3 times as an adult

i have never paid for my own dress
i have never worn those dresses again
i did buy shoes for one of them. And pay for hair neither of which were my choice