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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

284 replies

Runrabbit123 · 28/01/2025 14:21

Just want to see if the way I’m feeling is fair or not.

Friend has asked 7 of us to be bridesmaids for her in June.

Now for some reason I always thought it was the done thing for the bride to pay for bridemaid dresses, hair, make up and bouquet. Which is what I did for my bridesmaids 6 years. Especially as let’s be honest most bridesmaid dresses you couldn’t wear again.

Friend asked us to be bridemaids last year which I agreed too. We’ve just booked the hen, I could only attend one day of the weekend due to costs (new mum just returned back to work last month from mat leave)

So was a bit shocked to be asked about paying for our dresses and hair to be done. I said I’d do my own make up. I really don’t want to let friend down but I don’t have a spare £150-200 for dress and hair. I’m happy to do my make up and buy a pair of shoes. Just don’t want to look like a bad friend.

AIBU - bridesmaid should pay
YANBU - bride pays

OP posts:
whatapalarva · 28/01/2025 14:46

Depends on whether you are able to buy your own dress, and given a colour to buy. Also depends on the brides circumstances, if they are having a lavish wedding no expense spared otherwise, then yes bride should be paying. The bridesmaids ime would buy their own shoes. If she can't afford to buy all the bridesmaids dresses and get their hair done then she cant afford 7 bridesmaids.

Differentstarts · 28/01/2025 14:46

The last time I was a bridesmaid I paid for dress and shoes and the bride paid for make up and hair and gifted us all jewellery to wear. I think some kind of middle ground is best. To be fair we all picked the bridesmaids dresses together and was mindful of everyone's financial situation so the dresses weren't expensive

BackinBlack24 · 28/01/2025 14:48

I've never heard of a bridesmaid being asked to pay for anything other than if they are staying over night for the wedding . I think it's common in America but never personally come across it here .

gillefc82 · 28/01/2025 14:49

From the UK and I paid for dresses, hair and make up and bought them jewellery as a gift. They wore their own shoes. If you are asking someone to be a bridesmaid and particularly if you are insisting on specific dresses/style/theme, I think the bride should pay.

mindutopia · 28/01/2025 14:49

I think generally the bride should pay for all of that. I only had one bridesmaid and she did pay for her own dress (of her choosing, bought in her home country without much involvement from me).

But we paid for hair, makeup, all her meals, accommodation and taxis for the weekend of the wedding.

theemmadilemma · 28/01/2025 14:50

Nope, you can't afford to dress them, you don't have them.

BlondeMamaToBe · 28/01/2025 14:51

The wedding I was bridesmaid at we had to pay for our own dress, shoes, hair and make up.

I wish I had done my own hair and make up or found my own hairdresser. The women the bride had booked were shit and we all ended up having to redo our hair and touch up our make up. Waste of money.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 28/01/2025 14:52

Bride pays for everything (dress, hair, makeup, flowers and accommodation the night before if wants them to stay over). I think it’s fine to say wear own shoes/bag if it’s something they’ve already got or their own choice.

I actually think it’s a bit off to give them the option of paying own hair/makeup or doing it themselves as everyone wants to look nice in formal photos and it does put pressure on for them to pay as who wants to be the only one with DIY makeup stood next to others who’ve had it done by a professional bridal person!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/01/2025 14:52

I paid for dresses, shoes and the bouquets but not hair and make up as I wasn't worried what they did.

One did pay to have her hair done but it was her choice. Her and I did a make up tutorial at Clinique and did our own make up but she paid for make up she bought as it wasn't wedding specific.

Bournetilly · 28/01/2025 14:53

I think the bride should pay, especially for the dress.

I paid for bridesmaids hair, make up and dress and they paid for their shoes/ wore shoes they already owned.

If you are paying for your own dress then I think the bride should give you a colour scheme and allow you to choose the style yourselves then you’ve more chance of wearing it again and can choose one within budget.

Wexone · 28/01/2025 14:54

No no no - Bride pays - she wants 7 bridesmaids 😱- Then she pays
Costs was one reason i had one bridesmaid and i bought her a fab dress, paid for hair make up and room that night for wedding.

I would pull out
Its a no

Penguinmouse · 28/01/2025 14:55

If Bride wants bridesmaids to look and dress a certain way, she should pay.

Theeternalrocksbeneath · 28/01/2025 14:56

There is absolutely no “it depends” about this. Asking bridesmaids to pay anything at all towards being a bridesmaid is appallingly crass, selfish and entitled.

When I got married I had three bridesmaids and they did not pay one penny towards it. Why on earth should they?!

I can only think that anyone who says “it depends” and then suggests things the bridesmaids should pay for, asked their own bridesmaids to pick up the cost. Shameful.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 28/01/2025 14:56

Of course the bride should be paying. I guess she got carried away asking seven people, and now realises she can't afford it.

I suppose it would be slightly less cheeky if it was a colour agreed by all (unlikely) and you were given free rein to buy any wedding appropriate dress in that colour, shoes of your choice etc. I bet anyone who wanted seven bridesmaids in the first place wouldn't be this reasonable, though.

If she wants to choose the dresses, she pays for them.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 28/01/2025 14:57

Anything the bride dictates, she pays for. So if you can wear a dress of your choice (including one you already own) and have your hair and makeup how you like, it's fine not to pay. If she wants you to wear a certain style/colour then she pays.

TeenLifeMum · 28/01/2025 14:58

Very standard in America and becoming more so here due to the US social media influence.

TonTonMacoute · 28/01/2025 14:58

Sorry, but 7 bridesmaids is ridiculous. No wonder she doesn't want to pay!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/01/2025 14:58

I think the bride should always pay, at least for the dress, and if she’s choosing the exact shoes, probably those as well.

The difficulty is that the US expectation of the bridesmaid paying is starting to trickle over here, whereas in UK and Ireland it was always a given that the bride pays. As I think she should!

For a country so keen on financial freedom, the number of spending obligations that seem to be culturally imposed on people in the US (baby showers, buy your own BM dress etc, etc) seems huge.

I agree with those saying contact the bride and say you can’t afford it and are happy to drop out of being a BM, that there was a misunderstanding etc.

riverislanjeans · 28/01/2025 14:58

Bride should pay.

Unless stated at the time of asking that you would have to pay for yourself so you could decide if you could afford it.

Id tell her unfortunately you will have to step down as you don't have the spare cash to buy dress, shoes, hair make up etc along with hen do's, wedding gifts and potential overnight stays!

Mrsttcno1 · 28/01/2025 14:59

I think times have changed on this one.

We paid for all bridesmaid dresses, shoes & those who wanted to get hair & makeup done with me as thought that was the done thing BUT I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times and have another 2 weddings coming up where I am bridesmaid/MOH, out of all of those only 1 bride is paying for the dresses etc.

I don’t think a bride HAS to pay for hair/makeup etc as not everyone may want that done so as long as the bride isn’t saying they MUST have x look I’m not sure that bit matters, but the dress I do think if you’re being allocated a specific dress and it’s an obvious bridesmaid dress then bride should pay because it’s not like it would ever get worn again. 2 of the other weddings have just given a rough colour theme and said happy for us to choose anything that works so in that instance I don’t think it’s too bad as you can then buy a dress you’d wear again.

GreenYellowBrown · 28/01/2025 14:59

YANBU. Bride should pay for it all. Admittedly my sister paid for her dress but that was a surprise at the checkout as she knew how much I was spending on everything else. Other than that, we paid for all dresses, hair, makeup, jewellery, shoes and flowers.

Confusedmermaid1 · 28/01/2025 15:00

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and hair, gifted jewellery and they wore their own shoes (long dresses I told them they could wear anything they wanted). Mostly I have had my bridesmaid dresses paid for. I was asked to be bridesmaid for one friend and I paid for my dress and bride paid hair and makeup. The key thing was the bride told us up front we would be buying our dresses (American background though in the UK). She also gave us free rein within a wide colour scheme and only asked that it would be floor length.
I think the key issue is the bride not communicating her intentions upfront re bridesmaids paying which isn’t fair.

Chuchoter · 28/01/2025 15:00

Opt out.

It's bizarre to expect anyone to pay for the Bridesmaid dress.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/01/2025 15:01

Also I agree 7 BMs is a ridiculous number.

I didn’t have any adult bridesmaids when I got married as I didn’t want to choose between friends and didn’t want to dress my friends!

godmum56 · 28/01/2025 15:01

tropicalroses · 28/01/2025 14:31

Wedding parties are so big now its ridiculous. I think when people were having one or two it was fine for the bride to pay, but there seems to be this fashion now to have a whole entourage around you, which then makes its it an astronomical cost to clothe them all

then they shouldn't have them

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