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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay - bride or bridemaid?

284 replies

Runrabbit123 · 28/01/2025 14:21

Just want to see if the way I’m feeling is fair or not.

Friend has asked 7 of us to be bridesmaids for her in June.

Now for some reason I always thought it was the done thing for the bride to pay for bridemaid dresses, hair, make up and bouquet. Which is what I did for my bridesmaids 6 years. Especially as let’s be honest most bridesmaid dresses you couldn’t wear again.

Friend asked us to be bridemaids last year which I agreed too. We’ve just booked the hen, I could only attend one day of the weekend due to costs (new mum just returned back to work last month from mat leave)

So was a bit shocked to be asked about paying for our dresses and hair to be done. I said I’d do my own make up. I really don’t want to let friend down but I don’t have a spare £150-200 for dress and hair. I’m happy to do my make up and buy a pair of shoes. Just don’t want to look like a bad friend.

AIBU - bridesmaid should pay
YANBU - bride pays

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 28/01/2025 15:45

JessiesJ99 · 28/01/2025 15:43

I hate this shit! If it's your wedding then you pay. If you can't afford to pay then don't have a big wedding with 7 bridesmaids! It's embarrassing tbh 🙄

You could look at it from the other way though, if a close friend told her friendship group “sorry you can’t be bridesmaids I can’t afford it.” I’m sure they would be more than happy to pay for their own dresses so they could be included.

Kbroughton · 28/01/2025 15:45

Oh actually should have said - I paid but my one bridesmaid chose the dress! I wanted her to have something she would feel happy in. So I gave her a budget and she bought a nice dress. I also paid for her flight over as I got married in Gibraltar. I chose the flower girl dresses, but they came with me and tried loads on!

Dosomethingusefulnow · 28/01/2025 15:45

Funny how brides are adopting the American bridesmaids pay custom but not the open bar custom 😂

Wonderberry · 28/01/2025 15:46

Is it a specific dress mandated? Or can you choose one?

If you have choice it's more acceptable to expect you to pay. Vinted has lots of decent affordable 'worn once ' options.

Hair: can you do your own?

Tagyoureit · 28/01/2025 15:47

The bride cannot afford 7 bridesmaids!

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 28/01/2025 15:48

I gave my bridesmaids a colour scheme and a budget of £80 for their outfit, and asked them to run their choices past me.

One got a sale dress and shoes for £20 total.
One got a second hand dress off eBay for £35.
The last fannied around choosing options, ignoring the colour scheme, fussing about alterations and spent the whole £80 and I don't know what else, then wanted them all to have ugly matching shawls so they matched more.

I paid for hair, they did makeup.

If the bride chooses, she should pay in full. Other options are available.

MumChp · 28/01/2025 15:48

No way. I would do my own hair/makeup. No problem.
I would dress nicely out of my wardroom. But if a bride wants the dress and the shoes she pays. Not me.

MaidOfSteel · 28/01/2025 15:50

I think it’s incredibly rude & entitled for a bride to expect others to pay to be part of her wedding. But I suppose US ways will eventually take over here.

Growlybear83 · 28/01/2025 15:51

I've never heard of a bridesmaid being asked to pay for her own dress or any other expenses.

Rewis · 28/01/2025 15:54

I think bride should pay for whatever they require. If they want bridesmaids to have professional make UK, she should pay. If bride doesn't mind and bridesmaid what's to have professional make up then bridesmaid pays herself. If bride wants a specific dress then bride pays, if bride asks something reasonable like "black dress" then bridesmaid pays (this is a slippery slope on what us reasonable)

MarioLink · 28/01/2025 15:54

Bride should pay and has in three of the 4
four weddings I've been in the bridal party for. I think one was a mix, we had options for hair and contributed a bit towards dresses, she also had a lot of bridesmaids. We all had a bit more spare cash at the time as we had had kids yet!

Crumpleton · 28/01/2025 15:55

I'd say the Bride pays...

Another way, not sure if it's more a newish thing or not, is the Bride chooses a colour theme then the Bridesmaids choose/pays for a dress that they like/is more suited to them instead of one size suits all.

constantlylactating · 28/01/2025 15:56

I wouldn't pay as a bridesmaid unless I was just given a loose 'brief' in terms of what to wear. A friend of mine had bridesmaids pay, but they just needed to wear dresses in a certain colour. I have also seen a really cute trend on tik tok where the bridesmaids wear literally whichever dress they want, but are identified by matching bouquets, that's a great way of having multiple bridesmaids without shelling out.

When I got married in 2017, I only had one bridesmaid, I paid for her dress, any alterations, a stole (it was winter!), her bouquet, hair and make up. She paid for her own shoes as I left it completely up to her, and she bought some she would wear again and again.

I do think it's poor form to ask you to be bridesmaid without being explicit in what that will entail for you, financially.

feemcgee · 28/01/2025 15:59

No way, the bride should pay. It's her choice to have seven bridesmaids, and if she can't afford the dresses, she'll have to compromise. I had four but didn't have a lot of money to spend, we got nice dresses from Debenhams and shoes from Dunnes. I paid for their hair and make-up.

Flopsy145 · 28/01/2025 16:02

My bridesmaids paid for their dresses BUT it was "here's the colour scheme pick whatever dress you like" and I said if we found one on vinted I would buy it but wouldn't be able afford a new one and said I totally understood if they didn't want to he a bridesmaid. Two did find a dress on vinted but refused to let me pay, to my knowledge all (except one) have reworn their dresses or leant to friends to wear. Others sold their dresses on vinted.
I wouldn't have never made a friend pay for a dress I had picked although I know friends who have.

Uptightmum · 28/01/2025 16:02

If bride is picking dress, hair style etc then bride pays. I paid for 8 bridesmaid; hair make up dresses shoes flowers etc. the only thing I said if they wanted nails/lashes/tan they had to do that them selves

HappyMummaOfOne · 28/01/2025 16:03

Bride pays for the dresses but bridesmaids pay for shoes.

In regards to hair and makeup I would expect it to be up to the bridesmaids if they wanted this and if so pay or do their own.

SnidelyWhiplash · 28/01/2025 16:04

It’s unthinkably rude and vulgar to me that the bride asks someone to be her bridesmaid and then expects them to pay! Not only should she ex be paying for them all, she should be buying them a gift too.

Anything less than this is just mannerless.

Doggymummar · 28/01/2025 16:04

The bride should pay in my experience

Doloresparton · 28/01/2025 16:04

When I was a bridesmaid for my friend she asked me to pick a dress I already had( in the days of maxi dresses).
I showed her 2 that I thought suitable, she chose her favourite and that’s what I wore.

Jazzjazzyjulez · 28/01/2025 16:09

It is super rude - if you want people to give up their time to attend your wedding, then the least you can do it pay for their dress/shoes.

To the people that said - I just gave them a shade, so they can pick. That is just as bad - who really ever has the need to wear a teal/mint/pink bridesmaid dress again?

FaeFay · 28/01/2025 16:10

I gave a colour preference and contribution to costs but was really low key and causal - and strict no presents policy - any ex

As a bridesmaid I was able to wear clothes I already owned again really easy going.

SpringleDingle · 28/01/2025 16:11

Bride should pay for anything mandatory. Dress definitely. Then hair and makeup if they are specifying what you have done and shoes if they insist on a specific pair.

Greyish2025 · 28/01/2025 16:11

Runrabbit123 · 28/01/2025 14:21

Just want to see if the way I’m feeling is fair or not.

Friend has asked 7 of us to be bridesmaids for her in June.

Now for some reason I always thought it was the done thing for the bride to pay for bridemaid dresses, hair, make up and bouquet. Which is what I did for my bridesmaids 6 years. Especially as let’s be honest most bridesmaid dresses you couldn’t wear again.

Friend asked us to be bridemaids last year which I agreed too. We’ve just booked the hen, I could only attend one day of the weekend due to costs (new mum just returned back to work last month from mat leave)

So was a bit shocked to be asked about paying for our dresses and hair to be done. I said I’d do my own make up. I really don’t want to let friend down but I don’t have a spare £150-200 for dress and hair. I’m happy to do my make up and buy a pair of shoes. Just don’t want to look like a bad friend.

AIBU - bridesmaid should pay
YANBU - bride pays

Bride should be paying, why the hell is she having 7 bridesmaids if she can’t afford them, she should just have one
She just wants loads of bridesmaids for photos and give the appearance that she is having a big expensive wedding but in actual face you are paying for it

An x friend asked me to be bridesmaid but Then told me I aswell as everyone of the other bridesmaids would be paying for the dresses, she then thought she could dictate the type of dresses which we bought ( with our own money), no one would agree with her over the dresses and weren’t going to be pushed into it so in the end she had to buy them herself,
If she isn’t paying for the dresses she really has no say in what is being bought ( except for maybe colour) and hasn’t a leg to stand on if no one is agreeing with her choices.

Any dresses that are being chosen just start being difficult and saying that you wouldn’t pay for that because of XYZ, she will never get 7 bridesmaids to agree on dresses etc so she will find out that she has lost control as she is not paying for them herself

Shodan · 28/01/2025 16:12

It seems that some brides are grossly overestimating the appeal of being their bridesmaid.

Bride pays for bridesmaids' dresses.

Or, as per @Doloresparton , they ask you to choose a dress you already own.

On the subject of colour schemes- my mum told me that she asked her bridesmaids to choose any of the colours of sweet peas (her favourite flower), which I thought was lovely. Their choice of style- but she still paid for them. They could then wear them to parties (which they did, apparently)