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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was really spiteful

289 replies

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:30

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

OP posts:
BobbyDazzler11 · 27/01/2025 22:32

Aw it is abit mean!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 27/01/2025 22:33

Totally unnecessary! She only asked if she was going to get one. Some people just should not work with children!

BobbyPeruLikeTheCountry · 27/01/2025 22:33

Wow. Way to encourage the poor girl…

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 27/01/2025 22:33

Yes, that's sad. Why take something away that the TA herself said that she deserved.

Sprinklecake97 · 27/01/2025 22:34

She's just a child ffs. Knocked that little girls confidence. It's out of order.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 27/01/2025 22:36

That’s awful. Who does she think she is?? Not a nice person. I’d give that poor child a sticker to cheer her up.

Alalalala · 27/01/2025 22:38

That’s unpleasant. Have a chat with the head or deputy head or whoever is appropriate/available. She needs feedback that it’s not ok - spiteful little power trips undermining small kids.

SalmonEile · 27/01/2025 22:38

I hate these reward systems for this reason, the rewards are bigged up and made a huge deal of for the kids but then they’re expected to act like they don’t want them!!
madness

Marine30 · 27/01/2025 22:39

At the risk of making myself unpopular with the mean TA I think I’d have gone over and given the little girl a sticker myself. The TA sounds like a right cow.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2025 22:40

Yes I agree with you OP

MrsFrumble · 27/01/2025 22:42

Ugh. Sounds like she was on a power-trip! But want kind of weirdo adult needs to crush the spirit of a 7 year old to feel important?

Does the other TA have form for this sort of thing? I think you’d be justified in asking them if it was really necessary to respond like that.

78Summer · 27/01/2025 22:42

Very spiteful.

latetothefisting · 27/01/2025 22:44

why are stickers given out at her discretion and not yours given you both do the same job and were working with the kids as a group?
Couldn't you have just given Katie one afterwards?

Moier · 27/01/2025 22:45

TA thinking she's more important than she is.. she's not the teacher or head teacher.
Very spiteful.

sugarandfudge · 27/01/2025 22:45

A gentle reminder that they shouldn't ask for stickers would have been sufficient, if it's really that important, but to deny her a sticker when she'd earned one is just mean.

I do think I'd have found an excuse to give the girl a sticker myself, whether Ms Meanie liked it or not.

Ophy83 · 27/01/2025 22:49

If I were you I'd find an opportunity to give the little girl a sticker tomorrow

Quinlan · 27/01/2025 22:49

I’d be discussing that with her manager. This is a little girl who probably doesn’t get many stickers for maths, she worked really hard, she did well and felt so happy for herself that she was excited she might get a sticker… and she is 7! Of course she said it out loud. That TA shouldn’t be a TA. Having a power trip over a 7 year old.

MrWise · 27/01/2025 22:50

Give that girl a sticker, stat!

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/01/2025 22:51

Yes she sounds like an absolute twat. What a spiteful thing to say. Yes I would say something.

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:52

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 27/01/2025 22:36

That’s awful. Who does she think she is?? Not a nice person. I’d give that poor child a sticker to cheer her up.

I actually thought about giving her one myself, but she’s not assigned to me and it would go down badly I think.

OP posts:
Ottika · 27/01/2025 22:52

sounds like a power tripper.
likely has little control in her own life. miserable behaviour.

Yeh, I'd mention it to her, or someone higher up. This kind of crap doesn't help kids.

Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 27/01/2025 22:53

Cruel. Please give the girl a sticker yourself ASAP. Just so unnecessary. Keep an eye on that TA for other nastiness if you can.

KittyEmK · 27/01/2025 22:53

That's very controlling

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:53

latetothefisting · 27/01/2025 22:44

why are stickers given out at her discretion and not yours given you both do the same job and were working with the kids as a group?
Couldn't you have just given Katie one afterwards?

Sorry! That’s my poor explanation. We work as a group with individual children assigned to us each if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 27/01/2025 22:54

That’s nasty. I still remember 50 odd years ago when I got 10 out of 10 for a test, I was so pleased. I made the mistake of tracing pencil over the 10, no idea why I was 7.

The teacher saw and immediately crossed it out and gave me a zero. I hated that teacher and her lessons from then on and just stopped working in her lessons.

That sort of thing really discouraged kids, and as you say is spiteful