To think this was really spiteful

[Stopbeingsomean]

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

She's doing a shit job at preparing kids for life. Can you imagine this happening in the workplace - "you did a great job and deserve a pay rise, but you asked for one, so you won't get one".

Does she only do this to girls? No wonder that women don't feel able to ask for pay rises and get paid less.

Incredibly mean - can you raise it with the head?
this makes me so sad to hear…. I can imagine how down my daughter would feel if this was her, she’d be so worried she’d done something wrong

It’s fine to ask for what you want thought as you’re polite? We should actually encourage kids to not shy away from asking for what they want, and speaking their minds.

If the school really are such dicks about calling her out, they won't call you out either. So start calling her out Infront of the kids so they know it's wrong. They will take great joy telling mam and dad how miss lovely TA is sticking up for them against miss meanie TA

Exactly. Teach kids to advocate for themselves and ask for what they think they deserve. There is no shame in that!

The child started off by telling her what she’d done on the weekend, and her response was to ignore her and tell her to open her book. I usually say “Oh wow that sounded fun. Let’s do our work and you can tell me at the end” I always give them two mins to tell me afterwards.

Nasty piece of work, she shouldn’t be there…if all the parents knew…..

I have mentioned the TA twice before, no one listens or cares and no action is ever taken.

Presumably you work under the direction of a class teacher? Have you brought this up with that person? It's that the person who doesn't care?

People suggesting going straight to the HT with that conversation are being unrealistic. The issue only goes that far when the process has been followed through the hierarchy without success.

Yes what does the class teacher think? Does she not notice this type of behaviour, it’s like bullying

In Victorian times, children were often told 'Those who ask shan't have' but I am shocked to hear of it in the 21st century, especially in this sort of context

Im in my 60s and went to a primary school that seemed to be in a Victorian time warp. Along with the above, we had to sit with our hands on our heads for the rest of the lesson if we yawned, or talked. We were put in the corner and humiliated for getting answers wrong. I struggled terribly with maths and just any encouragement or acknowledgement of trying hard would have meant so much. I’ve never forgotten the cruel words and nastiness I received daily by those teachers, and I have no confidence at all in maths to this day.

Give the little girl some stickers tomorrow , tell her you are really proud of her and she should be proud of herself too for trying so hard yesterday. As others say, you remember these little things . Asking for a sticker was not a crime. The kid is 7 ffs. The TA sounds vile.

Please speak up
I had to take my dyslexic DC out of mainstream primary because he lost all self esteem, basically wrote himself off. Even now he recalls that he never felt that ( in the 6 years he attended) he received praise or recognition (stickers, a trip to show head teacher a special price of work) despite working very hard and making massive achievements or producing work that he was proud of. He can also roughly recall how many times his friends did receive praise and he did not (for producing work that required much less effort on their part). For a child with dyslexia or dyscalcula, such behaviour from the TA has lifelong impact. That missing praise and encouragement slowing ebbed away his joy of attending school.
Correct response could have been “well we shouldn’t really ask for rewards but yes, I agree with you, you do deserve a sticker for your excellent hardwork today” Poor confused little kid. Power tripping TA with her bloody pack of stickers.

The class teachers don’t really care about the kids who struggle or especially the SEN. One of my boys works so hard. He’s low ability but he’s been doing brilliantly. I went to tell his teacher and he was just not interested. I actually told him I could see he wasn’t listening or even interested and I left the room.

It is mean to such a small child! A pathetic power trip, horrible. Please give her a sticker and a little wink. It’s great you have her back.

Not just mean but she is also teaching that girl not to celebrate her achievements and her successes. We need to learn to blow our own trumpets. No point staying low profile and hoping others will notice us. The girl sounded like she was genuinely joyful at doing well. Not at all show offy or grabby. Hopefully the girl will see her for what she is.

No one cares.

Sounds like she's on some sort of power trip. Some people shouldn't work with children. Please give her a sticker tomorrow OP. Sod the sticker gatekeeper.

So? I think you have a good explanation for doing it

Is she senior? An HTLA?

Apparently you do, so start challenging her directly

She’s is such a lovely girl. So kind and polite and spends most of maths looking terrified of her witch 🧙 TA. She is a delight truly, which makes this worse.

I’m angry with myself tbh for staying quiet.

Yes that’s really mean. If she really had to make the point about not asking, a gentle “remember we don’t ask for stickers so it’s a nice surprise when you get one” would have been sufficient.

Very, very much! I love the kids!

It won’t be happening again. Sick of the way she treats them.

People who exploit children for a power trip are pathetic.

I dunno, it's no bad thing for kids to learn to deal with people who are less than perfect. Sometimes you don't get a sticker. You won't fall to pieces. That's an okay lesson to learn.

Only qualified a month ago.