To think this was really spiteful

[Stopbeingsomean]

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

Yes Mrs Faulkner you were a cow.

A geologist came into my class, she very kindly brought in some rocks etc, several kids asked if they could have one to take home, I think that's rude (not even a please). Kindly, she has actually brought one in for all the kids to take home, some asked for another one. Then some said to her they had got a rubbish one, were there any more. It starts small, can I have a sticker but it does give a sense of entitlement.

Children are not always taught these things at home so I always try to err on the side of making in a teaching moment.

She didn't ask for a sticker though. She received good feedback for her work and in response to that, she asked whether it met the threshold for the reward that she'd seen others receiving in the past. I don't think it's fair to say that's cheeky/entitled when it's the same idea as what we would do to request a pay increase or apply for an internal promotion at work.

Yes, and even if she had said can I have a sticker, which she didn’t, that would be something to applaud.

im pig sick of people putting little girls down. Telling them they can’t ask. Punishing them for doing so. Teaching them that heinous lesson they will carry forever. Know your place, you don’t get to ask for what you want or earned

even on here you can some people relishing this little girl being taught that lesson.

As a TA, defo give the child a sticker . As a colleague ? Defo have a word !!!

Some of your updates are genuinely shocking, OP.

I am a governor at our local
primary school and urge you to become a whistleblower and contact the Chair of your school’s governing board.
The TA and teacher incidents in themselves are bad enough to be reported to governors, but the real stinger here is that when you have raised concerns, nothing has been done and your perception is that nobody could care less.

PLEASE check the school website and e-mail the governors giving full list of incidents that you’ve witnessed, which ones you have reported, and what was (or wasn’t) done about them.
Also be clear that you feel nobody on the Senior Leadership Team (SLT) cares.
Tell them it is a safeguarding risk that can’t be ignored.

Good luck, and thank you (on behalf of the children you are advocating for).

As a TA with this year group she'd hate me🤣😂 I give stickers, stamps and treats as a way of encouraging the children. Some struggle with things so feel dejected when doing the lessons so need a boost. This week alone I've given out stickers, biscuits, fidget toys and chocolate 🤣😂
Personally I'd speak to the teacher and also start a paper trail via email of everything.

Wow, just wow. I get the impression that if you left the school then the kindness would leave with you so I applaud you for staying and assume you do it for the kids as the school sounds like something from Matilda🤬
Please speak to a union rep and arrange a meeting with the head, chair of governors and a union rep and state you are whistle blowing. I've done it before about a teacher with the head and it was taken seriously. I felt crap doing it, but for my own mental health had to. I work with lots of low ability, disadvantaged children and they all need confidence boosts and praising to understand their worth.

There are other really caring staff members there too, but sadly there is so much wrong with the place.

Obviously I have got to speak to someone as she is getting nastier as time goes on.

If I found out any member of staff tried to teach my young daughter the lesson she can’t ask for what she’s earned, wants or deserves, I’d tell the member of staff straight, then complain to rhe head, I’d complain to the governors and I’d spam every parent group letting them all know what little lesson she tried to teach my child.

and quite frankly I’d not stop till she was fired or it became so uncomfortable she had to leave . And demand she wasn’t allowed near my child again, and im sure plenty of other women would stand beside me.

And if she asked for it to stop, I’d have much joy in telling her you don’t get when you ask. That as a female she should know her place.

and I’d continue to re enforce to my child that if you’ve earned it you’re entitled and you do get to stand up and say so.

horrible! please call her out on it so she doesn’t repeat it with more kids. awful!

I.used.to.work with someone like that. It's a power thing. All the students hated her. When.i left I.noticed.someone had drawn.devil horns, and a beard on her staff communial wall photo! I'd give her a sticker the next day, for something unrelated.

My god OP, both my kids are SEN and this has made me feel awful. Things there sound really bad. I'd be tempted to anonymously contact OFSTED if I were you.

Does Katie have ADHD?
Her constant distractions and cutting into conversations makes me wonder if this is an additional need.
I work with similar children and will tell them to stop. One word. Stop. I do then let them continue, but once they have made the right choice about it e.g. putting their hand up to ask for help or to ask if they can go on the computer.
Likewise the stickers should be rewarded for effort. Katie asking for one is not ok, and she should be reminded of that, but if she has worked hard I would especially be looking to give her the sticker (in reality I wouldn't give a sticker as this clearly causes a lot of issues so praise and encouragement for doing the work and over coming any difficulties should be the reward).
Maybe this TA needs some help in working with children with additional needs.

Also does all information get shared with all staff?
You mention the shoes and how that should be passed on? How do you know she didn't? I wouldn't be mentioning it to other staff, only the class teacher or filling out a CPOMS which isn't seen by everyone. Unless you were gossiping with the teacher and asked them whether the TA had reported this, you wouldn't necessarily know.

Only information that we are tagged in via cpoms gets shared. Because two other members work on the maths intervention then we should have been tagged in it. The fact that she said the holes in her shoes were of no interest kind of tells me she did nothing.

I do not rely on cpoms either tbh because last week I was asked by the head if he could edit my cpoms as I was told I had made a child look like a problem and he felt I had labelled him. I had simply recorded the actual facts. I was also told that a cpoms I had recorded under safeguarding wasn’t (in their opinion) safeguarding. Yet the previous week we had been called to a meeting and had it stressed to us to highlight safeguarding if we feel it is.

Thanks for caring about these children OP. There is a helpline run by the NSPCC for professionals working with children. They provide advice, support and reassurance regarding safeguarding issues at work. Apparently, they deal with a wide range of different issues and you can remain anonymous.

learning.nspcc.org.uk/services/nspcc-helpline

"I was also told that a cpoms I had recorded under safeguarding wasn’t (in their opinion) safeguarding. Yet the previous week we had been called to a meeting and had it stressed to us to highlight safeguarding if we feel it is. "

Because the heads goal isn't to safeguard children, it's to make the school look like they can efficiently safeguard e.g pointless meeting about safeguarding.

After a big anti racism week at DSs old primary the head refused to accept a complaint from another parent about the racial bullying her son was the victim of. He had his hands in his pockets and refused to physically touch the envelope. All the racism week was for show and to tick a box to make them look good.

IME any complaints wouldn't be taken seriously. You'll be labelled as a trouble maker.

This is my problem. I’ve seen far worse things reported and it’s just come back on the person reporting it. NOTHING ever happens to the person in the wrong. The governors are so in love with the head and all of higher management that nothing ever happens. Every day without fail k am called a fucking bitch, an arsehole, threatened physically and told by kne boy he’s going to fuck my mother. He is aware she is deceased. NO, and I do mean NO consequences are ever given out. In fact the worst offender was last week allowed to sit with the head in his office and play on his computer. Meanwhile other well behaved kids are spending their breaks indoors for forgotten homework.

@Stopbeingsomean If the governors are not holding the head to account the only options are to keep your head down, or move schools.

LADO, Ofsted and DfE will do zero. Any complaints will be met with a personal attack on you from the chair of governors.

I had a horrendous experience after making a formal complaint re safeguarding to my son's old school. The mental gymnastics and outright lies that they put in to defend themselves was staggering. But where they lied so much at the panel complaint hearing, the same bullshit was put into statements and repeated as fact for a disability discrimination hearing. Each one contradicted another and they tripped each other up.

But DfE found 'compelling evidence' that they couldn't actually produce to defend them.

Gosh.

Unbelievable. TA teaching a good lesson here, isn’t it. I am in power and you are nothing therefore I will not give you when you deserve…only when I feel like it.

poor kid.

They will care if it's OFSTED you report it to! This is why so many children are scared of school and why so many adults are getting away with unacceptable behaviour, because witnesses are sitting back and allowing it to happen!

Do the right thing, report it higher: Headteacher, Governors, Local Authority, OFSTED.

Oof, unnecessarily mean! Why would you be horrible to a child so excited and proud?

You must report this behaviour. Theres no need for such a hard line with a child of only 7. This TA needs further training before they can work with small children - kindness is paramount.

Well done OP for sticking out for that little girl, it is nice to know that some people do care.