To think this was really spiteful

[Stopbeingsomean]

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

That's a shame. Our SLT take them seriously and they've been really useful in identifying training needs and patterns of behaviour.

Do these incidents happen often enough that reporting every one separately could annoy the SLT into taking it seriously?

I think we’ve found Cruella De Vil the TA!

The adult said she’d deserved one. She only withdrew it because the child asked if she was allowed one.

In Victorian times, children were often told 'Those who ask shan't have' but I am shocked to hear of it in the 21st century, especially in this sort of context.

Yes that was very mean. I would have given her a sticker myself if I saw that. I do wonder why people like this choose to work with children in the first place. Horrible.

Ughh, what a jobs worth, couldn't she have just said something along the lines of;
i will give you one on this occasion but, remember we don't ask for stickers, we wait to be given one.
Miserable cow

This particular TA is harsh. The children are frightened of her. SLT know but aren’t concerned. Tbh they actually don’t give a shit.

Came here to say exactly this... Why do so many TAs have a superiority complex?? Literally believe that they are God's gift and have a teaching degree

That's absolutely ridiculous over a sticker. "Raising bloody hell"? No wonder teachers are leaving in their droves.

This is heartbreaking. Please give that little girl stickers.

Please please have it out with this TA. Seeing as no one else will tell her she's not on, and no one gives a shit you might as well tell her she's a power hungry arsehole who has no place in a school and who harms children.

That little girl will remember that comment and the betrayal for the rest of her life. We always remember when adults deliberately hurt us and let us down.

Power mad TA having a negative impact that may never be forgotten 😞

YANBU.

I probably would have interjected and given the girl a sticker. The other TA sounds like a twat on a power trip.

People like this shouldn’t work with children.

Tbf some teachers think they are god too! I think we should all be treated with equal respect. However there is never, ever an excuse for anyone making a child feel crap. I’d seen how hard she’d worked! Yes it was only a sticker but it has made my blood boil all day.

Listen, if I ever heard anyone talk to my children like this…. Tell the parents.

If they don't take your complaints seriously then they won't take hers seriously either so give the girl her sticker tomorrow. Ridiculous to deny a reward that the TA admitted she was entitled too. Why shouldn't she want a reward for her efforts? Adults do, we want praise, promotions, pay rises and acknowledgement why can't children openly want a reward too.

TA probs rewards herself with a prosecco for a hard week at work but can't extend the same courtesy to the children she's "helping".

Anyway she's spiteful and power trippy and I hope this interaction hasn't knocked the child's confidence too much

She could have said "yes of course you're getting one - but try to remember not to ask in future".

Can’t help but think about woman not advocating for themselves in salary negotiations for fear of being too greedy. No doubt she’d have done it to a boy too but that shit is ingrained deep and starts early. Yes just a sticker but she was asking about the correct reward for her work. CEO’s do it all the time.

Not nice

Is she from a different country/culture OP?
The examples you are giving here make me think that. Still not an excuse anyway but I grew up in a country where nursery workers and teachers commonly spoke this way, like a grumpy boss - while still seeing themselves as caring.

Do you not think this was spiteful though @Crackanut?

With the exception of @DelphiniumBlue , who the heck are the 6% of responders who thought you were being unreasonable?

Could they please explain themselves, because I cannot see any reason other than meanness to tell a child that they did deserve a sticker but they are not going to get one just because they asked - and the child hadn't even asked for a sticker, only whether, based on their performance, if they were going to get one. For that, they were punished.

Just mean.

It's really mean. And I would be very annoyed if my little girl was being taught that things she deserves will be withheld from her if she asks for them.

She’s from the UK.

Please mention this to the head. Not fair at all.