To think this was really spiteful

[Stopbeingsomean]

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

Poor kid.

I used to help out with reading with Year 1's a couple of times a week (parent with a child at the school). I had about the same 6 children. They got a sticker every time - why not? One little girl used to run to the teacher's desk and take the stickers out the drawer. I jokingly said with a smile "are you sure you're getting a sticker?" She laughed and said "yes" and I said "of course you are". They're little kids. No need to knock the stuffing out of them. These little things hurt. One of the parents bought me a bottle of wine at the end of the year and said they were really pleased with the comments I made in the reading log. The little girl had a minor speech impediment. Children should always be treated with kindness and encouraged.

There’s always one that goes on a power trip. It never changes.

What a brilliant way to knock a little girl's confidence. Bitch.

We've all had teachers like her.

I hope you can do this, OP.

Thank God she didn't have the teacher my mum had as a 7 year old (1952). My mum got dragged by her hair to the front of the class for daring to challenge an incorrect answer. My mum had many horrible things happen to her and still to this day she suffers because of what she went through. That teacher is a bitch, they forget that what they do to children always stays in a child's memory. There's no need to be mean to a child

It's not just children who bully.

What does the TA say to the children when she knows her colleagues can't hear her.

Agreed ! She wasn't being annoying or rude poor little girl. She was excited and now she is probably not going to be so excited the next time anticipating the same reaction.

Have a t-shirt made with the words printed in big letters: Children are people too. Then wear it front of the mean, power tripping TA.

We had a supply teacher in year 7 cover a lesson for our permanent science teacher. For some reason the ST decided I was cheating even though we weren’t learning anything new or doing a test. She sent a note to my form tutor, even though I was an obedient pupil. When I had my session with the form teacher the following day, she mentioned the note and asked what’s happened here. I replied saying I don’t know. The form tutor scrunched up the note and threw it in the bin saying we’re just going to dismiss this. Either she knew me or the ST very well.

Seven is a crucial age for kids at school. If that little girl no loses interest in maths she’ll struggle going forward. Give her a sticker yourself for something.

Not only is it spiteful, it sends children a bad message: You must be humble and timid, and not ask for things you deserve. You must wait for the More Important Person to decide whether to give it or withhold it.

Wow I’m shocked that in a world where we are teaching our girls to have a voice this TA is so far behind the times. The poor girl will be confused and humiliated because these things are a massive deal when you’re 7. What on earth did she think she was teaching her??! Old fashioned shut up and wait for however I choose to wield my power??!

I always teach my girls to ask for whatever they want because the worst that can happen is someone can say ‘no’ but clearly not…I’ll be reminding them that if someone behaves like a dick it’s a them-problem!!

Omg what a weirdo! Poor little girl. Things like that can stick with you way into adulthood

That is an incredibly good point. 👏

Sure but snubbing and knocking a kid down for being proud of herself (especially a girl) is the kind of shitty 90s stuff I'm glad we don't do any more. What's the point, to teach her never to have a good opinion of her own work or advocate for herself? Just because kids need to learn to cope with unfairness does not justify spitefulness on the part of an adult who should know a whole lot better. They're not the same issue.

Rubbish, it's very clearly spiteful!

She didn't demand, ie. 'Im getting a sticker!' and she didn't actually ask for a sticker ie. 'Can I have a sticker?'.

She asked if she was getting a sticker - the answer could have been 'yes - you've done really well' or 'no, you need to repeat this again/couple more times then you'll earn a sticker'.

Either would have been constructive.

Telling her 'you woud have but now you've demanded one you can't' is both inaccurate as she did not demand she asked if she had done enough to earn one, and spiteful, because she didn't actually know she'd earned a sticker until she was told it was being taken away!

This is a fantastic way to make a reinforcement system highly aversive.

At that age half the time kids are being told 'if you don't ask, you don't get' to get them to communicate, speak up, offer answers and advocate for themselves.

And then the rest of the time being slapped down for doing just that!

The only good thing about your post is it’s in the vast minority!

Don’t give out stickers for achievements if she thinks it causes issues. But that’s not what she done, she’s set up a system that encourages a child to achieve well and be rewarded with a sticker, the crushes their spirit because of a request that the spiteful TA could pull her up on.

It’s 2025, not bloody 1950 in a convent school taught by spiteful nuns.

I agree. Unfortunately bullies tend to be attracted to jobs where they have access to children, the elderly and other vulnerable populations.

This is what happens when you have "teaching assistants" who aren't qualified or properly supervised because the actual teacher is not trained to supervise adults but to teach.
This person is modelling her teaching on her own experience as a child and maybe what she thinks a teacher should be like. She's probably never had intensive training or feedback and has just been posted with a group of kids in a classroom and left to get on with it.
Maybe she doesn't realise that once you start with stickers they become ridiculously important but also lose value, because they become expected and as per this post if children don't get them for every single thing then it becomes an issue. Of course she should have just given the sticker but will there ever come a point when someone says " You're too old for stickers now Katie?"
This TA needs much more training and the school needs more teachers.
I think stickers should be kept for the dentist!!!

Yeah I do but raising 'bloody hell' with the head as that poster said is really over the top.

There is some truth in this. I am a teaching assistant and I have been involved in various roles in education over the years eg dyslexia tutor, ESL support. I have done lots of courses, workshops, seminars because I am really passionate about it. However it is perfectly easy to get a job without any kind of qualifications and as there's no budget for training any more, there's no opportunity for people joining to improve themselves. I have some colleagues who are lovely but haven't a clue about behaviour management. In my last school, there was a woman who thought it was a good idea to blow a whistle in the classroom during wet play in order to get the noise level down! She was most annoyed when the head teacher told her to stop.

Another problem these days is the increasing reliance on HLTAs. In the same school, a woman joined us. It was her first TA role. By the end of the first term, she'd managed to complete an online HLTA course which required no classroom observation. Our head teacher was desperate for someone to do PPA cover so she got her to teach my class one afternoon a week. I increasingly hated the experience as she didn't know how to manage the class and wouldn't listen to my advice about their normal routine. I was off for a few weeks and when I returned I realised I couldn't put up with the chaos anymore. I handed in my notice. I have since heard she has refused to cover that class, blaming the behaviour of the children. Funny how she was the only person to have a problem with them.

It is really wearing when the kids constantly ask for stickers or other rewards.
I am a teacher and if I praise someone for a good answer etc, repeatedly the. Get asked ‘can I have a Praise?’
I tell them that Praises are at my discretion and I won’t award one if asked.
parents should encourage intrinsic rather than extrinsic satisfaction, but so many are too ignorant or lazy to bother to encourage that.

For me who has always used logic (to the extreme).
If I was told I wasn’t getting a reward after all the effort I had put in to the work, just because I asked IF this meant I would be getting a reward

I wouldn’t bother making an effort again.

In my mind if I put in a lot of effort doing something and that equals no sticker

or I don’t put in any effort and sit back, chat, and mess around doing what ever I wanted also equals no stickers

Then why would I make the effort.

In school I would also talk round a few other children to this way of thinking and if this teacher has form for this sort of thing then she would be going home each night tearing her hair out because her quiet subservient children she had lauded over were now a bunch of children who made their lives a misery and who couldn’t be bribed to behave as they didn’t believe her.

Even as a child I would think of people as equals, no matter what their station or age
I put it down to being on market stalls and serving customers from a very young age. I also learned to read people and know who was looking to buy instead of wasting effort with someone who was just window shopping.

of course it’s not just the sticker. It’s the way she’s speaking to a child who’s struggling to learn.

i dread to think how much the poor child’s confidence has been knocked.

where is your empathy?

Tbh good TA’s shouldn’t need supervising. I definitely think some of our TA’s know as much as some teachers. Last year I had to explain to my NQT that words that end in S don’t necessarily need apostrophes. She had written sweet’s. She then told the class that the apostrophes went like this:
have’nt, did’nt etc because the apostrophe split the word have not and did not. She had never heard the word apartheid and had no idea what it meant and thought elephant’s trunks were made of ivory. She has no A levels in maths or English either.