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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was really spiteful

289 replies

Stopbeingsomean · 27/01/2025 22:30

I work as a TA in a primary school and something happened today that made me really sad.

I was working with a group of ten children, split between three adults. We were working on subtraction with this particular group who really struggle with maths.

I heard the other TA tell a child she had done very well. The little girl was really proud of herself and had a huge smile on her face and asked “Am I going to get a sticker Miss?” The TA looked very sternly at her and said “Katie, stickers are given out at my discretion. I decide when to give them. I was actually going to give you one, but as you have asked, unfortunately I am not going to give you one now” Honestly she looked devastated. She’s 7 years old.

AIBU to think this was really spiteful?

YABU - She should not have asked.

YANBU - She deserved a sticker

OP posts:
Mirabai · 28/01/2025 00:01

Just, thick.

PorridgeEater · 28/01/2025 00:03

Yes really unkind and unpleasant. In the past this sort of thing might have been considered good for a child's moral upbringing - I can imagine my mother mistakenly thinking so - but it's not a good life lesson in today's world. I hope you can find a way to redress the balance.

CarrotsAndCheese · 28/01/2025 00:03

What a bitch! Agree with other posters that it sounds like she was on a power-trip... over a 7 year old! Pathetic! I feel very sad for the poor girl, who was only excited that she'd done well and thought she'd got the TA's approval, only to have it snatched away from her. So nasty!

ETA: I wouldn't be surprised if the poor child stops putting in the effort after that.

Mindedmy · 28/01/2025 00:04

pinkdelight · 27/01/2025 23:58

I dunno, it's no bad thing for kids to learn to deal with people who are less than perfect. Sometimes you don't get a sticker. You won't fall to pieces. That's an okay lesson to learn.

What if you never get a sticker and watch all those around you get one. Even though you are working really hard and cant understand how you can improve enough to please the sticker monitor. You go home feeling sad and useless. You are grumpy, your parents have no clue why. You go to bed feeling sad and useless (or robbed and furious). You don’t want to do more math tomorrow or ever.
or
You get a sticker for Math, you really struggle with Math, never had a sticker before. This sticker proves you can do it and actually, it might be your new favourite subject? You go home and show your mum and your gran and your neighbour and maybe even your favourite teddy your treasured sticker. You peel it off and keep it on your wardrobe. You sleep well. You can’t wait to do more math tomorrow.

RedRock41 · 28/01/2025 00:06

I’d of found her after and said you noticed the great job she did, that sometimes adults get it wrong too but that you would be honoured if she would take your most special of all special stickers for being so awesome.

valentinka31 · 28/01/2025 00:08

she should not be a TA

Yalta · 28/01/2025 00:10

DelphiniumBlue · 27/01/2025 23:12

It’s not spiteful, it’s consistency. You can’t give rewards to every kid who asks for one, they should all know that . They get given one when an adult thinks they deserve one. Otherwise you get the bolder ones asking all the time and the shy ones not putting g themselves forward.
Thats not to say any reward system comes without problems, and you often get the situation where eg ‘ star of the week’ is not in fact given on the basis of merit, but on the basis of whose turn it is on the rota. It’s all a bit of a nonsense, and as you can see, even the giving out of stickers can cause problems.

But the adult did think she deserved one. Then decided against it because she asked if she was going to get a sticker.

Think of it this way

If this woman thinks not giving a child a sticker is some sort of way of showing how much power she has, I can bet the children will soon cotton on to the fact this woman is very sad failed individual who thinks that denying a sticker to a small child is the only way she can feel good about herself.

I would be having a word with who ever is in charge to have a talk with her about not embarrassing herself in front of the children

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:12

@Mindedmy I mean... I don't know... that feels like you're doing a creative writing project. What if all kind of things! I'm just responding to the situation in the OP.

Mindedmy · 28/01/2025 00:13

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:12

@Mindedmy I mean... I don't know... that feels like you're doing a creative writing project. What if all kind of things! I'm just responding to the situation in the OP.

Are you the the TA?

Bowserthedog · 28/01/2025 00:15

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:12

@Mindedmy I mean... I don't know... that feels like you're doing a creative writing project. What if all kind of things! I'm just responding to the situation in the OP.

Can’t you remember at all how you felt as a small child?

Notgivenuphope · 28/01/2025 00:15

People like that should not work with young children. Poor girl. Of course she was excited about a sticker if she had done well when doing something difficult.

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:15

As in, let's try to keep some perspective and not make this extremely minor issue into something that means TA should not be a TA and child not getting a sticker will send them spiralling for life. Many unfair things will occur, coping with them is good.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 28/01/2025 00:16

I’d be fuming if this was my poor daughter being spoken to like this. She sounds so controlling and mean. Please confront this TA and say she sounded harsh.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 28/01/2025 00:17

Also give the girl 20 stickers lol

Bowserthedog · 28/01/2025 00:17

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:15

As in, let's try to keep some perspective and not make this extremely minor issue into something that means TA should not be a TA and child not getting a sticker will send them spiralling for life. Many unfair things will occur, coping with them is good.

The Op has given many other examples of things this Ta has done, she shouldn’t be working with children. She should be trying to help them learn and boosting their self esteem

Original poster
Stopbeingsomean · 28/01/2025 00:18

pinkdelight · 28/01/2025 00:15

As in, let's try to keep some perspective and not make this extremely minor issue into something that means TA should not be a TA and child not getting a sticker will send them spiralling for life. Many unfair things will occur, coping with them is good.

I agree that kids need to cope with things being unfair at times. Unfair that when we play spin the wheel it’s never them. Unfair the bell rings when they’ve just got the hoop. This was not unfair though, it really was spite!!!

OP posts:
Hilarioushilda · 28/01/2025 00:18

What a c u next Tuesday!

Feckingwrecled · 28/01/2025 00:23

Id find the little girl tomorrow morning and give her the fanciest blingiest sticker I could find.

Id tell you noticed how hard she worked and how brilliant she had done and tell her she should be so proud of herself. Id also tell her that I had noticed how the other classroom assistant (the bitch) had behaved and she was very wrong.

I have children a similar age and they would be gutted by this and it wouldn't be forgotten,

Wheresthebeach · 28/01/2025 00:23

Power trip by the TA. Nasty

Hilarioushilda · 28/01/2025 00:23

The only valid response after telling the girl she had done really well would have been ‘ yes Katie well done’
the TA had said she had done well, obviously it’s the norm to get a sticker for doing well so why did this TA get crappy about it when she asked does that mean I get a sticker?
this teaching assistant needs reminding she needs to follow protocol, not her protocol

PennyApril54 · 28/01/2025 00:29

Actually that's awful and id report that to a senior, it's bullying . Poor kid

PennyApril54 · 28/01/2025 00:30

Feckingwrecled · 28/01/2025 00:23

Id find the little girl tomorrow morning and give her the fanciest blingiest sticker I could find.

Id tell you noticed how hard she worked and how brilliant she had done and tell her she should be so proud of herself. Id also tell her that I had noticed how the other classroom assistant (the bitch) had behaved and she was very wrong.

I have children a similar age and they would be gutted by this and it wouldn't be forgotten,

This is a great idea please do it .

EmeraldDreams73 · 28/01/2025 00:31

Oh, the poor kid. All my (piano) pupils will do anything for a sticker - even the teenagers! They all know what they need to work on to get one and choosing a sticker (usually a Squishmallow...) makes their day!

The little ones do regularly pester about whether they'll get one. If persistence is verging on rudeness, I'll remind them that it's up to me, "so let's stay focused on xyz, we'll see at the end of the session". No need for power trips like that.

I would 100% have found a reason to give her a sticker, bless her. I'd also be making a point of looking for things to praise and reward even if she wasn't officially allocated to me - like giving her the job of taking a note to the office or bringing the lunch boxes in or whatever.

B2B25 · 28/01/2025 00:31

What is this obsession with teaching kids really shitty "lessons"

Teanbiscuits33 · 28/01/2025 00:37

This has made me feel really sad for the poor girl! 😞 I’m just imagining her smiling and getting all excited about getting a sticker and then the disappointment of being told no! That would have seriously disheartened me at that age. She may not get much praise in her life!

That TA sounds like a bitch, please rectify the situation tomorrow and if you are questioned by any teachers then just explain. I would and wouldn’t care what anyone thought!