Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL have booked our holiday

373 replies

zara8775 · 27/01/2025 09:47

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

OP posts:
NewMum3000 · 27/01/2025 09:48

Pretty rude of them to not even run it by you first.

IggyAce · 27/01/2025 09:51

YANBU it would have been nice for them to run it past you, my idea of hell is an extended family holiday.
I’d probably set expectations now and state you are disappointed that they didn’t think to check and that you will only be available for a group activity/meal once or twice during the holiday and that you expected them to do their own thing the rest of the time.

heldinadream · 27/01/2025 09:51

Yes, they want to tag along so they expect your company so OF COURSE they should have discussed it first. AND been open to you saying no, we want solitude, sorry.
They've changed the nature of your holiday without your consent.

ExtraOnions · 27/01/2025 09:51

It’s booked now, so there is not that much you can do about that. It’s a public resort, and they can go if they like.

Just continue to have your own holiday, and do your own thing. You don’t have to plan around them.

MidnightPatrol · 27/01/2025 09:51

Incredibly strange to book themselves onto your holiday uninvited.

Unrelated38 · 27/01/2025 09:52

I think that's incredibly rude. You don't just decide to tag along to anything other people are doing.

Any chance you csn move your dates and just not talk about it. Bit tricky if you're DH isn't on board though. Maybe just get alot of alone time in and leave him with his parents and the kids.

Deetelves · 27/01/2025 09:52

Well, your DH has clearly had a hand in this - the PILs aren’t mind readers so he must have given them the dates etc
Sound like you need to have words with him and suck this one up.
Personally, I would be tempted to let him go with his parents and arrange something else for myself! You know, since he’ll have help with the kids… and some company.

ForRealCat · 27/01/2025 09:53

I would put money on them having checked with your DH first, but he doesn't want a row. Can you speak to the hotel and shift your dates? I think if you even suggest this your DH will fess up

toastofthetown · 27/01/2025 09:54

I wouldn’t be happy at all with that, and the fact that your husband thinks it will be nice and fine is a bigger red flag than your in laws booking the same resort. Having extended family on holiday totally changes the vibe; sometimes that’s good but not if you don’t want it. Especially with a husband who based on his response now, won’t enforce any boundaries with his parents so it will be you resentful on holiday.

Do you have the ability to change your booking to somewhere else, or change the dates?

owlexpress · 27/01/2025 09:54

Oh hell no. Is it possible to change your dates or to a different resort? Absolutely no way would I be spending my hard-earned break with in-laws, and that's before you consider how rude your specific in-laws have been here.

RIPVPROG · 27/01/2025 09:55

I wouldn't mind but my PIL are really nice, wouldn't expect to spend the whole time with us and would definitely take DS off our hands for an evening or two so we could go out as a couple

cheezncrackers · 27/01/2025 09:56

YANBU at all. I'd be upset and furious if anyone did this to us. You don't just book the same holiday as someone else, the same dates and expect them to just suck it up! That's utterly narcissistic behaviour. If they thought it sounded so nice there are 50 other weeks of the other when they could go and experience it!

LauritaEvita · 27/01/2025 09:56

It’s weird that they didn’t ask. Unless they did ask your DH? The only thing I can say to make it less annoying, is that they may be trying to help you out and think them being there means you and your husband can have child free day or nights out? It’s still weird not to have okayed it with you but I know some people love a hol with in laws for this reason.

Namechangeforthis88 · 27/01/2025 09:56

God, yes, change dates and rip your DH a new one, he was totally in on it. Mine has firm for this kind of thing and you need to make it abundantly clear that displeasing you is infinitely more uncomfortable than displeasing his parents.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 27/01/2025 09:58

Your dh definitely had a hand in this.

I would be questioning him further to get the bottom of it.

I would be furious, but, unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it without costing a fortune.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/01/2025 10:00

@zara8775 hell no!! I would at least be trying to change the dates to earlier so you miss them totally or later for the same reason!! let that be a lesson not to discuss holiday plans or any kind of plans with them in the future! how presumptious of them!!!!!!

nellythe · 27/01/2025 10:00

Yes it’s ‘nice’ but I’d also be really put out that they hadn’t even ran it past you first!

MissAmbrosia · 27/01/2025 10:00

God - I would be furious! Can you change dates?

Worriedmummy2400 · 27/01/2025 10:02

I would be fuming. With your dh who obviously did this. I would tell him either they change dates or you do.

MumChp · 27/01/2025 10:03

I would cancel and go for another holiday. No way.

Drollie · 27/01/2025 10:03

They should have asked. Would you have said no if they'd have asked?

Penguinmouse · 27/01/2025 10:04

I get on with my in-laws really well but this would piss me off. Your DH saying it would be nice suggests to me that they probably asked him and he said yes without running it past you.

Travelodge · 27/01/2025 10:04

No, you’re not being petty. Of course they should have discussed it with you and your DH first and it was very rude and presumptuous of them not to. They may have meant well and been convinced it would be a lovely surprise for you, but that shows a huge amount of arrogance in just assuming you would like it.

I guess you’ll just have to put up with it this year, but I would definitely let them know that you would appreciate being consulted before they did anything like that again.

EdgarAllenRaven · 27/01/2025 10:04

If you get on with them, I wouldn’t worry about it too much… hopefully you’ll get some evenings out if they can watch the kids!
It was a bit cheeky, but doesn’t need to become a pattern just a one-off.

thinktwice36 · 27/01/2025 10:05

I would be livid @zara8775 it’s so over-stepping and presumptuous.

I do hope you’ve said to them given you loved the solitude, you are looking forward to lots of time on your own with a book and the beach. And how lovely they’ve come along - you love the idea of babysitters!

oh and your DH is complicit in this, I bet they mentioned it to him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread