PIL have booked our holiday

[zara8775]

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

Just here wondering if op moved her holiday....

Could you switch the dates slightly so it means they are not there the whole time? It could be then that you could say you must have mentioned the wrong dates? Could you even do this without your husband knowing or does he know and remember exact dates? Did he book it? Just thinking you could maybe make it so they fly out before you and you arrive a few days later and then they will leave and you can enjoy a few days/week (depending on the length you’ve booked) without them? It may then be seen as you’ve just slipped up on the dates?
failing that, don’t go and leave your husband to take kids and stay home and enjoy the peace! I only say that as I really couldn’t cope with my I laws for that long 🤣
I feel it’s totally unfair and quite rude that they have done this though, it’s put a downer on what is your family time away and I’d also worry they would want to do this every year from now on.

Any updates OP?

I’d try to move the dates if you can without it costing you money and don’t tell them. I’d be annoyed! Not ok if they didn’t discuss it with you first

No, would be absolutely fuming.

I personally love an extended family holiday, when it was always intended to be just that.

However, if it was an either/or situation I would never sacrifice our one holiday for that year. If your finances permit could you book an additional break for just you, DH and the kids? If not, I am sorry you are in this position.

I agree with others, you need to speak to DH and ask if he was aware of their plans. If he was and allowed this to happen serious words need to be had x

I would totally turn it around on them and say you are so pleased they want to come and help with kids and give you and DH a well deserved break. Do they want the family room? Thanks so much for staying in with kids each night so DH and I can get some us time. We’ll bring you back some drinks from the bar. Here are some great day trips and activities you can do too with the kids. Kids are super excited about having a week with Granny and Grandpa!! 😂 they will never gate crash again.

I have asked my best friend who loves my babies so I know they’ll be well looked after. This was another reason that I was p’d off with them booking on because there was no thought to my babies. They’d sorted their own though 🙄

Yes but surely you think her ILs should have spoken to the OP and her husband about it first?

I wouldn’t say OP’s DH had a hand in it necessarily; this happened to someone I know who was horrified her parents had turned up as a surprise (as was her partner). At least you have notice and can change your dates!!

you are being extremely unreasonable!! imagine the memories they will make with their son and grandkids. or even the help they’ll offer so you and hubby can have an evening alone?

DH clearly gave them the information they needed to book the holiday.

If he's not man enough to tell his parents that this isn't the holiday you wanted and that they need to make alternative arrangements, then that would give me the major ick.

He needs to be more concerned about upsetting you than him. I would certainly be telling family and friends about how rude the ILs have been barging in on your holiday. As they have no sense of boundaries I wouldn't have an issue with them overhearing conversations about them hijacking your holiday and how it has ruined your plans.

My ILs used to do this. It very much became their holiday and they wanted to be with the dc all the time, seated next to them, holding their hands etc. Despite being fully aware that working full time we had very little quality time with the dc. We were expected to be pleased that they had hijacked the holiday. We had to take a stand in the end and change plans without telling them. Harsh but it was the only way of getting the message across. Things were difficult for a while but they then knew that we had boundaries and they needed to fall in line with them if they wanted a relationship with us.

Seriously???

Then you would have asked them in the first place or they would have asked you

The OP was quite happy to 'make memories' <boak> with her DH and DC. She doesn't want or need to make them with anyone else

IMHO if you think you would enjoy this with them as a one-off go for it. If not, you wouldn't have come on here for advice. So perhaps take your pick after speaking to your partner and, if it's shit this time, agree never do it again. Someone let the cat out of the bag so if it wasn't you it's obvious who it was. I can't stand this white-lie crap.

Well the husband has obviously mentioned it to his parents.

I don’t understand why you don’t communicate with your DH better than this. Why can’t you just ask him straight out what he did? This seems to be a bigger problem than cheeky PIL.

Very similar to my own experience, my in laws assumed they’d be able to join us on a family holiday. I put my foot down and said no. They fell out with us over it. I think it depends heavily on your relationship with them. Are they thinking that they’re helping you out by being there? Are they supportive of you? I don’t mean towards their son. I mean of you as their DIL?
can you afford to book something else so you you still get to have family time? But why should you have to!! It’s a tough one. Sounds like your husband is afraid to stand up to them, but unfortunatly, this MUST be addressed, otherwise it’ll happen time after time.

It is completely unreasonable to hijack someone else's holiday, no matter how you are related. Would your dh be so chilled about this if it were your parents tagging along. If you can't change the arrangements without causing huge upset, some serious ground rules need to be established including that it can never happen again. I think dh has been in on it.

@zara8775
I hope you have managed to sort this.

Would you mind please sending me a PM with the name of the resort? I promise I'm not your in-laws It sounds like just what I'm after.

Is this holiday still to take place or has it passed now? How did it go, OP, if so? Hope you managed to enjoy your break (or have managed to sort things if it’s still to come!)

@zara8775 did you get to the bottom of what happened? Did you get your dates moved?

It's not on, changes the whole dynamic, no doubt they will want to be with you all and eat evening meals together and so on.
May as well invite your parents so DH gets to feel the same having his in laws breathing down your necks.
Even if you all love each other it still overstepped the boundaries! Who does that! I would never just surprise friends with saying "hey we have booked the same cruise as you" or anything why is this any different.
Reminds me of when we said the in laws could join us for a few days of a holiday and they booked the full week and wanted to be with us on outings the whole week as well so basically a joint holiday.