PIL have booked our holiday

[zara8775]

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

Could you change dates but overlap by one or two nights so that the blow is softened? Don't get me wrong I think they have behaved outrageously but just thinking long term as well as short.

The easy way to get along with your DIL is to not tag along with her holiday as a nice surprise 👍🏻

Luckily my DH and I have the agreement that we will never ask the other to go on holiday with extended family. The stress of keeping people happy, getting everyone's agreement for timings for eating etc, keeping the chit chat going, being in my swimwear in front of everyone, having my parenting examined.

I feel for you OP. My annual leave with my child is very precious and I would be extremely reluctant to share it.

And if they thought she'd be ok with it, why didn't they say something first? - they were clearly wrong and thought their dil would want not just the money when they die but maybe one poxy holiday in the same place - probably one meal in the evening in one week, that is all. Doubt they would want to tag along with the whole of their troup all day, every day.

You're not unreasonable OP. I like my in laws and personally wouldn't bother me but it definitely changes the dynamics of your holiday especially if you don't feel like you could chill out and relax like you want especially when they're at the same resort. I think you'd be reasonable to say you want to change the dates and go another time.

On what planet would you invite yourself on someone else's holiday... and just book it??

So unbelievable that it makes me wonder if your dh gave them the ok without saying.

Or do they normally do stuff like this?

Oh I’d be livid OP.
If changing dates not an option, and your kids are babysitting age, I’d be organising a good few child free outings and evenings, make the most of a bad situation and hopefully ensure it doesn’t happen again.

How on earth can OP 'plan' to inherit from her in-laws? How does that work? Does she just add 'inherit from PILs' on her to-do list?

Your post is ridiculous.

Sounds like my late MIL. OP

I would get your DH to have a chat with his parents along the lines of - oh, well hope you enjoy your holiday, maybe we can meet up for lunch once but we’ll be doing our thing for most of the time.

Are they on the same flight too?

They could be really really nice people but knowing that they are there would always be in the back of my head. Knowing you would bump into them at the buffet, restaurant, pool, beach, lifts...popping in the restaurant for lunch and seeing them you may feel obliged to join up with them. Similarly, going to the pool and they are already there waving at you 'we've saved you some loungers next to us'...gah.

If you can, I would change the dates and take the hit on the charge to do this, if you are able to. And then tell your DH why you've changed the dates.

In some ways, it's nice that your DH is thinking of his parents (so often on here PP slag off men for wanting nothing to do with their parents/leaving it all to their wives to maintain relationships) but it should NEVER be to the detriment of your relationship!!

Why are you so obsessed with the imaginary inheritance? It was never mentioned until your morbid post.

As for this ‘poor parent in laws, they don’t want your time just a bit of attention in the same place’ bs - why book the same dates in the same resort if all they want is an evening meal? Seems an expensive trip to do the same as what most families do on a typical Sunday lunch.

Joint holidays can be fun if that is something everyone has agreed to. Not so much if you have been railroaded into it.

Change the dates so that your holidays overlap but you still have some time alone.

Anyone that makes inheritance conditional on joint holidays is not worth bothering with - that said there is nothing in the Ops posts to suggest her inlaws are anything like this manipulative.

Er, nobody “plans” on inheriting! Should we all have to put up with unreasonable behaviour and our holidays being hijacked because one day we might get a share of a house and some cash?! No one owes anyone their holiday time, regardless of what they’ve given or will give financially. How ridiculous.
PS you can love your family, get on well and enjoy time with them and still not want to go away with them for a week (or more).

Love MN!!! Love it! So many money-grabbing posts from DIL 'awww, feel bad my husband has been left out of the will/not left enough in the will' but I am being unreasonable?

You’re right – it’s done now, so I guess I just need to make the best of it. Setting boundaries is a good idea, though I feel like that could be tricky. They’re not the overstepping type usually, but this has thrown me, so maybe I’ve been a bit naive about how much they’ll insert themselves.

I do love the idea of wearing them out, though – maybe I’ll pack the kids off with them for a day or two and let them realise how full-on little ones can be on holiday! I’ll definitely try to carve out a few days just for us, though. If they don’t take the hint, I’ll have no problem being blunt about it.

As for DH, if he was involved in this, you can bet he’ll be paying for it one way or another! Might just take you up on the long weekend idea to really make my point. He’s far too good at thinking I’ll just “go along” with things!

I would let it go on this occasion but just be sure to not tell them when or where you're going next year.
I would also be annoyed though. It's not the kind of thing you do without discussing it with people first for goodness sake.

This. He has to have been involved. I guess he said OK and didn't dare tell you! Have it out with him?

They should run it by you first. That said, we went away with the inlaws and my DP every year when DDs were younger and it was much easier and more relaxing with extra pairs of hands around at times than it was going away just DH and me with two DDs.

It very much depends on your relationship and the holiday set up though. We were never in one another's pockets and always had plenty of time doing our own things. And we always planned the holidays and dates together, rather than gatecrashing on someone else's arrangements.

Please explain how this is a money-grabbing post from the OP.

Feel free to post on the 'money-grabbing threads from DILs whose husbands have been left out the will' with your views, but there is absolutely nothing in OP's posts about expectations of an inheritance.

You are definitely being unreasonable.

I love my in-laws and we've been on a number of holidays with them, but they were all organised together as group holidays.

I'd be absolutely fuming if they just gatecrashed a holiday we'd already booked. You need to read the riot act to your husband, and make sure he tells them this is absolutely not on.

Yeah, it's going to cause some awkwardness going forwards, but you won't have caused that awkwardness, they have.

Change the dates on your holiday and suck up the difference in the expense.
Preferably to the week/fortnight preceding their booking (so you're leaving as they're arriving) or the week/fortnight after their booking (so they're leaving as you're arriving).

Lol your dp stitched this up and was too afraid or arrogant to tell you!

Have you asked your partner if he had spoken to them about this?

Don’t be ridiculous. The OP isn’t upset just because of the holiday. She’s upset because the in laws have invited themselves along without any discussion or agreement. It’s rude and grossly oversteps boundaries. Likely her DH facilitated it without her knowledge or agreement so there his duplicity to contend with as well. If they had suggested it then she would at least have had an informed choice about whether to go or not, but now she has to waste precious holiday time with her in laws - not even her own parents, but her in laws.

Yes you are completely unreasonable, this situation has nothing to do with an imaginary inheritance. No one has to dance a merry dance for some money that may not materialise in the distant future, now stop derailing the thread with your own issues.