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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL have booked our holiday

373 replies

zara8775 · 27/01/2025 09:47

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 27/01/2025 10:05

It's incredibly pushy, intrusive and weird to decide to 'tag along' on someone else's holiday without asking. I would be absolutely simmering with rage over this. I agree with others that you need to make sure your husband sets the expectation that you won't be spending your holiday with them.

GrannyGoggles · 27/01/2025 10:06

My father did this on us many years ago. I was very, very definitely not in on it. The first I knew of it was when my father appeared as we were checking in. I was furious, my mother was mortified, my lovely husband was gracious and pragmatic. We didn’t let it ruin the holiday but it never happened again.

Your PILs have massively overstepped and I would bet on them having form.

festivemouse · 27/01/2025 10:07

I'd also be changing my holiday dates!

I really like my PIL, but I do not want to spend my holidays with them (or my own parents for that matter!).

It's incredibly rude and pushy to book the exact same place and time - yes it's a public resort and holiday destination, but they've basically invited themselves onto your holiday. Tacky!

BilboBlaggin · 27/01/2025 10:09

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if your DH had more of a hand in this than he's willing to admit.

At the very least I'd be very clear with him that you will not be spending every day and evening with his DP. If you'd have wanted that you'd have invited them yourself. Be specific about how many days/evenings you're prepared to meet up with them.

Worst case, I'd be telling DH no way and stating I want to either change dates or change location so that you can holiday alone. Would he be pleased if your DP invited themselves along without his opinion being considered?

Just because they're family, they don't get to invite themselves on your vacation without sounding you out about it first.

TwistedWonder · 27/01/2025 10:09

I would be absolutely steaming to the point I would actually pay the admin fee to change the dates.
They’re complete CF’s however I do agree your DH knew more than hes admitting

GrazeConcern · 27/01/2025 10:11

Can I offer a different perspective?

I agree it’s rude and pushy etc. I would be really pissed off. But I wouldn’t make it a ‘thing’ until it’s a problem. If you generally get on there might be ways to turn a negative into a positive - babysitter for a night out or two, and extra pairs of hands can be very useful on a holiday with young DC.

I’d wait and see what they say about their expectations before airing yours - you’ll be in a stronger negotiating position without stirring the pot.

AnnaMagnani · 27/01/2025 10:11

If my DH accepted this, he'd be under the patio.

Can you change the booking with the agency to a different hotel or different dates?

2JFDIYOLO · 27/01/2025 10:12

I'd bet your DH knew what they were planning well before, didn't object and didn't tell you. So nobody can say it's his fault.

pizzaHeart · 27/01/2025 10:13

heldinadream · 27/01/2025 09:51

Yes, they want to tag along so they expect your company so OF COURSE they should have discussed it first. AND been open to you saying no, we want solitude, sorry.
They've changed the nature of your holiday without your consent.

This^
how did they know your dates? Have you mentioned to them or DH ( as he thinks it’s lovely)

Winterskyfall · 27/01/2025 10:13

You aren't overreacting. They were sneaky deliberately. If they weren't trying to muscle in on your holiday they would have spoken openly about it before booking. I would also be furious!

KevinAndTracy · 27/01/2025 10:14

Like others I suspect your DH knows more about this than he is letting on. There us no way they would have booked without double checking the dates and the accommodation details.

I wouldn't like it either but it's tricky to get out of now that everyone is booked in and if PIL are nice people I can understand that you need to tread carefully. I think I would be inclined to make a few subtle comments to make it clear that you won't be spending all day, every day with them.

You need a discussion with your DH to make it clear that this will be a one off and you don't want them gatecrashing all your holidays.

bumblefeline · 27/01/2025 10:15

I would rearrange the dates or go elsewhere. It will completely change the dynamics of your much needed holiday and cause resentment forever.

I have been in this situation and have never got over it.

Nothatgingerpirate · 27/01/2025 10:15

MidnightPatrol · 27/01/2025 09:51

Incredibly strange to book themselves onto your holiday uninvited.

Exactly.
Some of these people don't know how not to impose themselves.

ThejoyofNC · 27/01/2025 10:15

I feel like your DH knows more than he's letting on.

You say you mentioned in passing that you were going back this year, yet they knew your exact holiday details? They had to have got them from somewhere and my money is on your DH. He probably knew you'd say no so he went behind your back.

MrsCarson · 27/01/2025 10:15

I'd give Dh a chance to come clean and admit he's given them all the info. Then I'd probably loose my cool a bit about how wrong is for him to do this without talking first. Then spend the money to change the dates. If you are feeling generous maybe overlap with their dates by a couple of days.

rainbowstardrops · 27/01/2025 10:16

I'm also wondering if your DH knew they were intending to do this

Okthenguys · 27/01/2025 10:17

Your DH gave them all the details and encouraged them to book. You should be mad at him not them. He should also be responsible for resolving this.

Nellyelephanty · 27/01/2025 10:17

Clearly discussed with DH without you and he okayed it

123ZYX · 27/01/2025 10:18

thinktwice36 · 27/01/2025 10:05

I would be livid @zara8775 it’s so over-stepping and presumptuous.

I do hope you’ve said to them given you loved the solitude, you are looking forward to lots of time on your own with a book and the beach. And how lovely they’ve come along - you love the idea of babysitters!

oh and your DH is complicit in this, I bet they mentioned it to him.

The trouble with this is that OP wanted a family holiday, not time by herself.

Chances are either OP will be by herself or have to look after DC by herself while her DH sees his parents, or has to spend time with his parents.

It wouldn't surprise me if OP ends up in the hotel room with her DC after their bedtime while her DH goes for a drink with his parents - a hugely different scenario to having a drink together on your balcony in the evening, for example.

I'd push them to change their dates.

timetobegin · 27/01/2025 10:19

God I would cry! I can’t imagine anything worse than extended family turning up to your holiday. Can you change the dates?

Codlingmoths · 27/01/2025 10:20

You will have to talk to your dh about your expectations - how many hours you want solo with a book or with just your family, I’d say no company in our apartment/room or plans to meet made for before 10am.

Deetelves · 27/01/2025 10:21

ItGhoul · 27/01/2025 10:05

It's incredibly pushy, intrusive and weird to decide to 'tag along' on someone else's holiday without asking. I would be absolutely simmering with rage over this. I agree with others that you need to make sure your husband sets the expectation that you won't be spending your holiday with them.

It would be… unless they suggested it to the DH and he was all ‘great idea! Here’s the dates and the details… ‘

RaininSummer · 27/01/2025 10:21

Very rude and I just can't imagine ever doing something like that. I would change the dates unless you can face trying it this time and using them as babysitters.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/01/2025 10:21

Bloody hell I wouldn't turn up at a restaurant uninvited let alone a holiday! What is wrong with them!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/01/2025 10:22

123ZYX · 27/01/2025 10:18

The trouble with this is that OP wanted a family holiday, not time by herself.

Chances are either OP will be by herself or have to look after DC by herself while her DH sees his parents, or has to spend time with his parents.

It wouldn't surprise me if OP ends up in the hotel room with her DC after their bedtime while her DH goes for a drink with his parents - a hugely different scenario to having a drink together on your balcony in the evening, for example.

I'd push them to change their dates.

Show quote history

Yes it’s all this sort of thing that would worry me - your DH thinking this is a great way to win himself some extra childfree time.

Or expecting to go off with his Dad, perhaps, whilst you babysit your MIL and the kids…

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