PIL have booked our holiday

[zara8775]

So, I’m not sure if I’m being oversensitive here, but this has really annoyed me. My husband and I went on a lovely holiday last year with our two kids – first proper break since having them – to a small, quiet resort in Greece. We loved it so much we’ve already booked to go again this summer. We’d mentioned this to his parents in passing, as you do, but didn’t go into loads of detail.

Fast forward to last weekend, MIL calls to say they’ve also booked a trip… to the exact same resort. Same dates, same hotel. Apparently, they thought it sounded lovely, so they decided to “tag along.” I honestly don’t know how to feel.

It’s not like we dislike them or anything, but part of what we loved about this place was how peaceful it was – no obligations, no one else to consider. Now I feel like our relaxing family holiday is turning into a big extended-family trip we didn’t ask for. DH thinks it’s “nice” they want to come and says it’ll be “fine,” but I’m fuming. I just feel like they’ve trampled over our plans and didn’t even ask us first.

AIBU to think they should’ve at least checked with us before booking? Or am I overreacting? I need to know if I’m being petty before I make this into A Thing…

I think your DH did communicate with them.

I'd be tempted to speak to PIL. Mention to them your worries and ask them to change. They might be in the free amendment/cancellation period.

If you just change dates, it looks mean...I'm not saying it is, but for years to come, they will wonder why you did it secretly...specially if they have not actually been secretive, and have checked with your husband.

Speak to them. Then decide what to do.

I suspect hubby provided his parents with all the necessary info. Your PIL must really love spending time with you and the kids so why not take advantage and enjoy time alone with hubby and get them to babysit the kids. You never know, it might turn out to be even better than last year. Or PIL may object to having to babysit and won't want to join you in future.

I think you have to be a bit careful of advice on here about in laws. As a lot of people don't seem to get on with their in laws who post here.

If you generally get on with them it doesn't seem something worth kicking up a fuss about - just be clear next holiday that while that was lovely - we are going on our own this year.

I like mine, and while I'd be miffed, I'd probably suck it up and use them as child care - blatantly.

Of course he told them the place, hotel, dates, flight details. It wasn't a coincidence. They may believe you were fine with it. This is on your wet blanket husband.

If you don't want to tell them outright that they've gatecrashed your family holiday (which would be very awkward and upsetting all round), make this entirely the holiday you wanted. Plan it ... and tell your husband why.

If that means exhausting and raucous children's activities, date nights just the two of you, excursions they wouldn't want to do - do that.

No compromise, no missing out on the holiday you wanted.

If they want to do something different - quiet beach time, visiting the sights, shopping - that your family wouldn't want, they can do that.

And things everyone can enjoy together - do that.

And (I'm sure you wouldn't) no sulking, resentment or silent treatment. Your kids would pick up on it and be upset.

But make it 100% clear to your husband that this isn't happening again.

Absolute clarity round that.

So the op should just put up with people imposing themselves on an expensive holiday, and use it as an opportunity to wind both herself and the PiLs up when they absolutely will not babysit young children when they spent money to relax abroad. That’s an annual holiday wasted with people you didn’t even want there to start with and will continue to resent them (and possibly vice versa by that point) long past landing back in rainy Blighty.

“a lot of people don't seem to get on with their in laws who post here …
I like mine, and while I'd be miffed, I'd probably suck it up”
I like my in-laws too, but I still wouldn’t want to spend my main holiday with them, the same applies to my own family who I also like spending time with. Op shouldn’t have to suck it up, and I wouldn’t either even though I also like my in-laws. It’s not unreasonable to want a holiday with just your nuclear family to totally relax.

I think I’d be more pissed with my own family than my in laws if they did this - they should know me well enough to know that I don’t love surprises and that it’s only polite to check before crashing my holiday (or any) plans… and because it’s my family I would have no qualms in telling them directly that they’ve overstepped here and need to reschedule as they were not invited on my family holiday. OP’s husband needs to step up and be very clear with his family.

I had told my parents we were going away to celebrate a big birthday and arranged for them to look after our animals so they knew our dates. About a month or so ago they ‘surprised’ us and told us they had booked to join us.

Did you manage to sort out other care for your animals? That makes it especially dreadful, not just gatecrashing but letting you down.

This is absolutely not in-law bashing.

We often go to a family owned large house for our holiday.
It can sleep loads, so in theory we could have loads of guests.

In practise everyone in the familiy is very careful to respect who has booked when and not to overlap with anyone.
We have on several occasions chosen to overlap with my parents, or my brother and his kids. We have also invited friends to join us for half of the time. We have loved the overlap time (typically 3-4 days) and also been very glad when they have left and we can have family time.

Very different holidays when with other people.
I would be furious at them coming, irrespective of who it is. There are times when you just need to be with your own partner and kids.

It seems the OP is being advised against upsetting her PIL, but they have no qualms about upsetting her!

I’m returning to say it is possible OP’s husband wasn’t in on a dastardly plan. It is of course possible that he was, in which case OP has bigger problems than her PILs crashing the holiday.

PILs may well know which hotel in which resort from conversations, images, messages from and about the holiday last year. They may well know which airport OP and family flew from.

It’s not rocket science. My father managed to piece it together almost 40 years ago and ‘surprise’ us. I had absolutely no clue beforehand. I was ‘in’ on nothing.

As PILs/grandparents now, crashing a holiday would not occur to us. Nor would we be especially thrilled to be ‘surprised’ by our young. It’s all by negotiation and prior agreement

At least you now have ready childminders! Make the most of it, they won’t be around forever and can create lasting memories with the grandchildren

I would change the dates and then tell them “ oh someone must have given you the wrong dates “ !

But … who is looking after your animals now ??!

But they’re not ‘people’ they’re family. Maybe accept it this year as they obviously all get on well normally but make it clear it’s a one off?

This thread has covered everything at this point, no need to tag me, repeat emotional blackmail such as ‘they’ll not be here forever’, or act like the grandparents will actually be there for babysitting. It’s doesn’t matter that they’re her husband’s family, the whole point is that this was done with the thought that the op is a doormat who won’t push back on it. And if they can do it once, it will absolutely be done again in future. Hopefully the matter has been resolved by now, either by the op changing the dates or having stood up to her incredibly rude and invasive inlaws/wet lettuce husband.

I would be absolutely livid. Husband would be in deep shit too.

The holiday is a break from people! Arghhhhhhhh I’d be changing dates…..literally cannot think of anything worse than holidaying with In laws

Any updates OP?

I’m going against the grain here.. I think the more the merrier, If I had inlaws I’d appreciate them coming and so would my children

OP, this is awful of your parents in law. Find out what the policy is on your holiday to change eg to a different hotel or different dates. You shouldn't have to but...

Been there booked a holiday for ourselves for my birthday I didn't want to tell anyone as wanted it as a our holiday with the kids basically to do nothing and chill as had a hard year hubby said we need tell people as its not good that we can't talk about it then boom it happened his family invited there self's then my mother which I didn't want everyone was in couples and my mum came alone and she literally spent the whole time shadowing us I'd we went in the pool so did she we went to the shop so did she we didn't have a moment alone. Just to clarify I'm not a horrible person I love my mum but we're not close she kicked me out at 14 because I found out she was having an affair I told my dad she kicked me out as the years went on I got a partner I got pregnant my mum wanted to know I've kept her in my life. And it is what it is I'm a better person for it anyway my suggestion is get out of it some how as my holiday wasn't a holiday I hoped for more a doing what everyone else wanted to do. Tell them you wanted it to be a just your little family holiday as you don't get enough time together at home abs hope for the best x

Also could you change the dates but do it so you arrive let's say 2-3 days before they leave so you do actually see them but also get the holiday you want but tell them that the holiday company had to rearrange thing hope you get sorted x

Oh god OP I feel for you. My ex PIL gifted us a honeymoon when we got married then came along on our honeymoon. Hotel room next door. I liked them but we felt obliged to have every meal with them and had no time on our own. Change the dates

the “US” you feel about your own little family, is what they feel about their son and grandkids.
if they are generally nice people, I’d use this opportunity to let them look after the kids while you and DH get some quality time together.