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AIBU?

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Original poster

My H is just so fucking miserable when we take our kids out

481 replies

sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:04

He always wants to come back home ' right away '.

He doesn't seem to get the same joy out of seeing them having fun.

Example yesterday we went to a shopping centre. The kids were hungry as soon as we got there so we went for lunch and then he wanted to come home straight after and had a face like a smacked arse on, the whole time we were there.

Kids are nearly 3 and 5. Yes the little one was a whingeing a bit but he actually sat through the meal really nicely and they both ate loads.

Then after, I wanted to pick up a couple of kids for the kids, get them some balloons, let them play on the little cars in the shopping centre, so they'd have a bit of fun and he was just so miserable and wanted to go home at every turn.

It's pretty much always like that. It doesn't matter what we do, he just wants to come home straight away.

Today is my DD Bday party and he was like ' great, another ball ache '.

I get we all have bad weeks but this is very persistent. I try and give him space at the weekend for his hobbies, in the hopes he'll be a bit more jolly when he's with us, but it doesn't work.

I know the kids are stressful and especially our little one, has tantrums etc but they're our kids and I love nothing more than to see them having a good time.

Does anyone else have a Husband like this ?

OP posts:
ColinOfficeTrolley · 26/01/2025 08:07

He sounds like a petulant teenager. What a turn off 🤢. Was he like this after the first child, or has it suddenly happened when you had another?

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 26/01/2025 08:07

Tell him he's being a prick, because he is.

It's not all about what he wants, that's his real issue. Selfish, sulking man child who can't even put his children first.

Ace56 · 26/01/2025 08:08

Did he actually want children? He needs a stern reminder that this is how life is with kids, that your 2 are not more difficult than any others and that he needs to stop behaving like this before the kids pick up on it and feel unwanted.

Suzuki76 · 26/01/2025 08:08

Hm. What does he do when you do get back home? I bet you end up as child wrangler all afternoon.

Eenameenadeeka · 26/01/2025 08:09

Is he anxious or depressed? It sounds miserable ruining your days iut

Original poster
sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:09

Suzuki76 · 26/01/2025 08:08

Hm. What does he do when you do get back home? I bet you end up as child wrangler all afternoon.

Yeah he retreated.

OP posts:
Original poster
sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:11

ColinOfficeTrolley · 26/01/2025 08:07

He sounds like a petulant teenager. What a turn off 🤢. Was he like this after the first child, or has it suddenly happened when you had another?

We didn't have lots and lots of days out with our first when she was small, because of Covid.

When we did have time out, it wasn't as bad at all- as it was just one child. With two, it's a lot more challenging. Especially as our little one is two years old, so a bit of a challenge.

Yes of course he wanted to have kids ! He begged to have the second one especially. No one forced him to.

OP posts:
TangerineClementine · 26/01/2025 08:11

What a fun sponge. Would it help if he chose the activity? Maybe he doesn't like shopping?

Suzuki76 · 26/01/2025 08:11

Then this is about looking after the kids at all, not being out. If you're out he has to do 50% of the heavy lifting.

I would have a serious chat to let him know that you've clocked this and you will not be "giving him space" all weekend every weekend.

Maray1967 · 26/01/2025 08:12

Sounds like you’ve got yourself a selfish man child who needs a good bollocking. Unless he gets one and has a rethink, it’s not going to get any better. You’re just going to end up doing everything on your own with the DC.

Qwerty94u4b · 26/01/2025 08:12

He sounds selfish and it seems like he sees going out with the kids a chore.

What is he like at home with them? Does he spend quality time and interact?

adminicle · 26/01/2025 08:13

Have you tried sending him out with them on his own, then the 'agenda' would be in his hands?

Mummadeze · 26/01/2025 08:13

I take our DD out on my own, much more fun. Occasionally he will choose to do something with her / us and that’s fine. Otherwise I get on and do our own thing.

Blue278 · 26/01/2025 08:13

Victorian Dad. Yes there are loads who would clearly much prefer if their children were seen and not heard and they were left in peace to do their manly pursuits.
Look at the number who just dump their children in front of iPads or the TV any time they’re left in charge.
Mine didn’t even like occasionally having to take them out, pushing a buggy to do the school run in case people thought he was unemployed! 😂
At least the children have you.
Not giving any solutions as there aren’t any.

Octopies · 26/01/2025 08:13

My Dad was like this, he just seemed to not know how to be patient around or particularly like small children, he got gradually better as we got older.

Original poster
sofingmisreable · 26/01/2025 08:14

Mummadeze · 26/01/2025 08:13

I take our DD out on my own, much more fun. Occasionally he will choose to do something with her / us and that’s fine. Otherwise I get on and do our own thing.

I get that and I do that sometimes but with two it's much harder. Especially because my little one is a runner and loves to complain.

OP posts:
Dolphinnoises · 26/01/2025 08:14

Your DD’s birthday party is just “another ball ache”? What did he think having children would entail?

Yoheresthestory · 26/01/2025 08:14

He has a really bad attitude about the kids and actually I feel sorry for him. He’s probably fallen into this mindset without realising and now is just unable to think differently.

The problem is he needs to be aware that it’s a/his problem. AND want to fix it. If he’s a good person he should want to for everyone’s sake as well as his own.

But people are very selfish so maybe he won’t be able to see past himself.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/01/2025 08:14

He is very selfish, the type of man who finds himself alone after the children grow up and the wife moves on.

It can be difficult to deal with a sulking 3 year old, but not as difficult as pleasing the big man baby tagging along, with a face like a slapped bottom.

Yanbu, he is.

Blue278 · 26/01/2025 08:16

Did he also start eating his own food immediately while you were sorting out the DC and wrangling them? Mine used to do that and it drove me mad. So selfish.

JustMarriedBecca · 26/01/2025 08:16

Sorry but taking them to a shopping centre would piss me off too. Particularly on a weekend.
Have a conversation and see what he would like to do. Would he rather take them swimming, to the park, out for a walk?

Bristolinfeb · 26/01/2025 08:16

I couldn’t think of much worse than taking small hungry kids shopping!

What kind of activities do you normally do with the kids? Do you plan things together? Does he take the kids by himself? Do you ever take one child each?

DiaAssolellat · 26/01/2025 08:17

Great big sulking controlling joyless asshole. Your poor children and poor you.

hettie · 26/01/2025 08:17

Do I have a husband like this? No.....I think it's fair to say DH was always far more into having kids than me prior to us actually having them. He absolutely adores them and always has. He wishes he had had more time with them when they were little (he worked full time).
You are clearly in a different situation. I would sit him down at a quiet time when the kids aren't around and aski a simple question: "when we were thinking about having children did you 100% want them?" Because if you did how did you imagine it would be"? Depending on what he answers I might follow it up with some very clear feedback something like: "Iit seems like every time we are out with the children you find it unpleasant and this comes across. I worry that the children will pick up on the fact that you don't like spending time with them and that they will start to believe they aren't likeable".
Everyone gives bits of parenting tough and boring at times. But you should work as a team and offload and unwind with each other/other adults when the kids aren't around.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 26/01/2025 08:17

When you ask him about it what does he say?

Mine was miserable like this...standing sulking arms folded on the beach, loosing his temper on the way to anything....keen to get back as soon as we were anywhere.

It was one of the many reasons we split, and I get to enjoy them so much more now.