To not want to pick up DD in the middle of the night from a sleepover?

[eskopt2]

First time posting here, so please be kind! DD (9) is at her first proper sleepover tonight at her best friend’s house. She was so excited about it all week, and I thought it’d be lovely for her to have a bit of independence. She’s never done a sleepover before, but she’s stayed with her grandparents and been absolutely fine, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

Anyway, I just got a text from her friend’s mum saying DD is a bit upset and wants to come home. The mum says it’s not a big meltdown or anything but she wanted to let me know. Now I’m torn. It’s 11pm, I’m already in my PJs, and I was really looking forward to a quiet evening. WIBU to give it a bit longer and see if she settles? I don’t want to leave her feeling miserable, but part of me thinks she needs to learn that sometimes she has to push through things like this. It’s only one night, and she’s in a safe and lovely house with her friend and her mum there.

DH says I should go get her straight away because “she’s still little,” but I think that’s giving in too quickly. I also don’t want to set a precedent where she thinks I’ll always come running the second things get a bit tough.

What would you do? Should I stick it out for an hour or so and see if she settles, or am I being mean? Help!

(Posting here rather than calling my mum because I know she’d just tell me to wrap her in cotton wool and fetch her straight away!)

Wow - she’s 9 at her first sleepover? Can’t believe you’d even consider not going straight over to collect her!

go and get her.

100% collect her. She’s 9!

Go get her!

I'd have gone straight away to collect her! Sometimes we aren't ready for new things and that's ok - she gave it a go

Could you call and talk to her? I think that’s what I would do. I always said the “if you don’t like it I’ll come and pick you up” but I never really meant it! And TBH if one of DD’s friends on a sleepover said they wanted to go home at this hour I probably would have said their parents would be asleep by now!

Also, if DH is that bothered he can go get her!!

I have have several children past this stage and think that is really dramatic. Sounds like she's fine.

Go get her. The supportive knowledge she has you in her corner is what will make her feel confident to try again.

Please just go and get her. Just show her she matters. And that you’ve always got her back. If is has come to the mum phoning then your dd clearly wants to come home. 9 really is still little. Please just go. And give her a big cuddle and show her how much she matters.

Could you talk to your dc on FaceTime?
It’s hard to judge. If host mum has already jollied her along and she’s still upset then she may not be ready to stay.

What?? My ds1 is the same age and of course I'd go and get him, even though that'd probably mean waking ds2. If it's her first sleepover, surely you knew this would be a possibility?

I'd go and get her (or your DH could?), so you're not being called at 2am when she's really upset and having to go then. I wouldn't be able to relax knowing she wasn't happy...with the potential of having my sleep disturbed later.

Exactly this.

I would fetch her. (And have in the same situation) At this age, you want your children to know that that if they need you, you’ll be there for them.

Wow you just want to leave her there?!

My mother always told me no matter where I was, no matter how late she would come and get me if I called. This was backed up by when I was little and scared of a house that was a bit creak and then a few years later when a friends older brother was creepy I called her and she picked me up, who knows what that saved me from. I also called her from parties when the only drivers were drunk, because I knew, reinforced from many occasions she’d come, and she wouldn’t complain or judge. I hope you are already leaving the house to get her.

Get her! Encourage her to trust her instincts. I imagine there is a reason she isn't settling ....

Absolutely go and get her.

I think 9 is too young for a sleepover and you’ve misjudged it. Go and get her now! The message you need to be sending is that you’ll always make her feel safe. Of course the idea of it will have been great but theres no way my child would manage a full sleepover at that age. I think collecting her shows that wherever she is, and whatever time she needs you, that a) you’ll respond and not be cross and b) you’ll come.

Go. Now.

Put your coat on over your PJ's and go get her.

Taxi if you've been drinking.

go get her - I have done the same

Wow! I can’t believe you haven’t gone already. ‘ I also don’t want to set a precedent where she thinks I’ll always come running the second things get a bit tough’ - Your poor daughter.

Why can’t your husband get her? If you dropped her, he should pick her up.

I think you should just go and pick her up. When mine have been on sleepovers, sometimes the other child's parent texts to say their child isn't feeling well etc, please come and get your child. Happens more often than I thought it would. So have to make sure I'll be ready, not drinking alcohol etc, just in case!!