To not want to pick up DD in the middle of the night from a sleepover?

[eskopt2]

First time posting here, so please be kind! DD (9) is at her first proper sleepover tonight at her best friend’s house. She was so excited about it all week, and I thought it’d be lovely for her to have a bit of independence. She’s never done a sleepover before, but she’s stayed with her grandparents and been absolutely fine, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

Anyway, I just got a text from her friend’s mum saying DD is a bit upset and wants to come home. The mum says it’s not a big meltdown or anything but she wanted to let me know. Now I’m torn. It’s 11pm, I’m already in my PJs, and I was really looking forward to a quiet evening. WIBU to give it a bit longer and see if she settles? I don’t want to leave her feeling miserable, but part of me thinks she needs to learn that sometimes she has to push through things like this. It’s only one night, and she’s in a safe and lovely house with her friend and her mum there.

DH says I should go get her straight away because “she’s still little,” but I think that’s giving in too quickly. I also don’t want to set a precedent where she thinks I’ll always come running the second things get a bit tough.

What would you do? Should I stick it out for an hour or so and see if she settles, or am I being mean? Help!

(Posting here rather than calling my mum because I know she’d just tell me to wrap her in cotton wool and fetch her straight away!)

I’ve had to pick up my DD multiple times. It is annoying but I would never sleep well anyway knowing she was unsettled and I would feel bad leaving another parent to deal with my upset child.
I had a friends child sleep over once (I babysat) he cried all night poor thing. And I got zero sleep.

100% I would immediately get her. No questions asked.

I'd go get her or send DH if he can do it, but I would have been expecting this to be a possibility.

When DD went to her first sleepover at about the same age I was waiting for a call thinking it may very well happen and that if it did I'd go get her. As it turns out she had a great time and settled well so it wasn't needed but had she called I'd have gone.

You go and get her.

Don't be so horrible. It's hardly the middle of the night either.

Go get her now or she will never have another one.

Mine are 18 & 21. They know that if they message and tell me they need me I'll be there. If they feel unsafe I want them to know they can get help, no questions asked. I thought that's just what parents do.

See I think it depends how upset she is. A successful sleepover after a minor upset is better than an over reactive collection at 11pm.

Absolutely go and get her, I think DC's need to know that if they're stuck, you'll come and help.

It's also unfair on the other Mum if she really is upset.

I went for a sleepover at this age,desperate to go,then at bedtime I wanted to go home.My friends Mum took me.

I still remember that horrible homesick feeling and it was years ago.Go and get him.

DS did this a few times and I always went to get him.

Your being quite rude to the other mom who is expecting you and waiting to go to bed herself. Frankly, it's not you or your mom's decision, it's up to the host.

I also don’t want to set a precedent where she thinks I’ll always come running the second things get a bit tough.

I just read your post and this really stuck out to me. One of my friends' mums is like this and my friend doesn't have a good relationship with her. Resilience and independence isn't taught by forcing your kid into situations they aren't ready for.

By the way, I'm 37 and I often call my mum now if things are a bit tough 😂 we have a great relationship.

Why have you let a 9 year old go for a sleepover?

I hear so many abuse stories from sleepovers

Go get your daughter

Of course you should go!

The other mum will be waiting up for you to arrive surely? I’d be pissed off that instead of coming straight over you took your time to compose a mumsnet post.

Aw, go and get her.

Sounds like your motivation to leave her a while longer is because you don’t want your night ruined rather than letting her see if she comes round to the idea of staying.

Surely it won’t cause too much issue anyway, pick her up and send her to her own bed. Then your quiet night can resume.

Can you not call them back and ask how she is? It could have been a minor blip and she's now OK. If she's still upset I'd go and get her, but if she's only a little upset you risk turning it into a huge dramatic deal.

She feels anxious, she wants to come home to where she feels safe. You cant be bothered because you're in you pjs...WOW!

She will never do sleepovers knowing if she doesnt feel right you wont go and get her.

Ive gone at 1am before to bring my child home.

Omg, she's 9! It takes a lot of guts for kids to speak up in someone else's house. Please go for her immediately! Stick on jeans & hoody and go! I can't believe you are even considering not going....

I would pick her up.

You don’t want to “set a precedent” that you’ll be there for your child if she needs you? That’s cold.

I'd always go running if my DD needed me - at 9, 19, 29 and so on. Hope you're on your way.

I also don’t want to set a precedent where she thinks I’ll always come running the second things get a bit tough

She’s 9! Her behaviour is normal for this age. She doesn’t need this sort of independence yet.
Be careful, OP, in a few years she will be starting a thread on here about her mother.

Just shove a coat on over your pj's and get her. It's not fair on the other parent who will probably be putting up with tears/up and down the stairs misery.

You didn’t want to ask your own mother because you knew she would tell you to go get her?

So your own mother, if you called her now she would assist you? Help you and point you in the right direction even though you are an adult. Maybe your daughter should have rang her granny!

FFS go and get your daughter! How can you even consider leaving her at this house?!

Are you actually being serious right now?