Gutted to find out….I am the other woman

[MollieFrank]

Long story short…
I got divorced a year ago, I bought a second hand new build. It actually needed a surprising amount of work doing to it so I asked for recommendations on Facebook and my friend recommend a guy.

That guy had to do a fair amount of work on my home. We got to know eachother fairly well (I work from home so was here when he was doing all the work) and we started flirting and we ended up going on some local to me dates (he lives 45 mins away) he stayed over a few nights….we text all day everyday. This has been going on for a few months, I have to say I think I have been genuinely falling for him. He does not wear a wedding ring and I never asked if he was married because perhaps naively I just trusted that someone who was dating me wouldn’t be married!!!!!

happened to be talking to the lady that recommend him to me, and she asked me how the work was and said she knew his wife!!!!!! I never mentioned to her we had started seeing eachother because I thought it was a bit soon. I then messaged him this morning and said “are you married?” And he said “yes, but I don’t love her”

I am absolutely completely devastated, I’ve never wanted to be the other woman but I genuinely had no idea. So now I feel like a marriage wrecker but also I have lost the one start of relationship that I felt happy in since my divorce.

where do I go from here!?

Just dump his lying arse.

I’m so sorry. Dump him and tell him what scum he is. Let it all out, don’t try to be the bigger person or be dignified.

You send him a text. "You absolute scum bag. Never contact me again". Then block him.

Get rid of him. He is a liar , a cheater and happily went with you and didn't tell you he was married.Unless you asked him he wouldn't have told you . Creep.

You know where you go from here. You tell him it’s over and block him on all platforms.

Fact is, he’s just shown you how he’ll deal with things if there are ever any problems in your relationship. There is no happy ever after. Even if he picks you in the short term, you’ll always be wondering whether or when he’s checked out and found your replacement. That’s no way to live. You deserve better.

Tell him it's over, never to contact you again and block him on everything. Don't get into conversations about it. He'll try and convince you his marriage is loveless or sexless or they are staying together for the kids or some absolute bullshit. Don't waste your time. If you give him the time of day, you'll still be the other women this time next year.

It’s a bit naive to think shagging a builder who does work on your house is anything more than a bad idea. I’m certain these men go from house to house doing the same thing.

End it and invest in men that date you properly.

So sorry OP. What a deceitful creep.

dump and block him. He is not your one chance at happiness. Better men are out there.

I would dump.

I wouldn't mind betting that you're not even the other woman, you're just an other woman and you won't be the first or last

Builders, Mechanics and Electricians don’t wear wedding rings to work because they are a safety hazard.

You must know the answer- dump and block.
He’s not the man you thought he was.

This.
He’s shown you who he is, get out now and next time, someone gets flirty, ask more questions.
I wonder if his wife knows he plays around with female customers and tells them he doesn’t love her. Still, that’s not for you to sort out.

So ALL builders are lying cheats? I know 2 builders and more honest and good husbands you can't find.

Also, why dig in to OP about her being naïve? Victimblaming and heartless.

Yes, OP, you should tell him to never contact you again and if I were you I would tell your friend so she could tell the wife. She merits to know what a cheating twat she married.

Dump him instantly and tell him what a creep he is.

I bet he's a serial cheater, even if you used protection- get tested. This will not be his first time and if he can cheat on his wife like this and risk her health like this, he won't think twice about risking yours.

Don't contact him again. I wouldn't tell the wife or anything- slightly controversial, but he knows where you live, he knows you live alone. I wouldn't put myself at risk, you don't know how he would react.

Tell him to get lost and if ever contacts you again you’ll tell his wife.
Put this down as a lesson learnt.

You will be one of many.......
Tell his poor wife

YOLO

Where do you think you go from here? He's a liar and a cheat. Dump him and get yourself tested for STIs.

That's awful for you OP. But you know what to do - dump and block.

They're not saying that. They're saying that builders who shag their customers are probably doing this with multiple clients. If your pals are honest and good husbands, they're not who the comment is aimed at.

Did he actually say he was single ?

Did you not consult check a trade before you employed him ?

You must be really gutted. Lesson learned though. Get rid of him and don’t listen to any nonsense from him trying to get back in because he will try. Have some fail safe questions for next time… are you married or on a relationship doesn’t always work but definitely delve a bit into their backgrounds before you start to get serious. I am sorry you are upset though. It isn’t nice to be treated this way and it will be a lot worse for his poor wife if she finds out.