Gutted to find out….I am the other woman

[MollieFrank]

Long story short…
I got divorced a year ago, I bought a second hand new build. It actually needed a surprising amount of work doing to it so I asked for recommendations on Facebook and my friend recommend a guy.

That guy had to do a fair amount of work on my home. We got to know eachother fairly well (I work from home so was here when he was doing all the work) and we started flirting and we ended up going on some local to me dates (he lives 45 mins away) he stayed over a few nights….we text all day everyday. This has been going on for a few months, I have to say I think I have been genuinely falling for him. He does not wear a wedding ring and I never asked if he was married because perhaps naively I just trusted that someone who was dating me wouldn’t be married!!!!!

happened to be talking to the lady that recommend him to me, and she asked me how the work was and said she knew his wife!!!!!! I never mentioned to her we had started seeing eachother because I thought it was a bit soon. I then messaged him this morning and said “are you married?” And he said “yes, but I don’t love her”

I am absolutely completely devastated, I’ve never wanted to be the other woman but I genuinely had no idea. So now I feel like a marriage wrecker but also I have lost the one start of relationship that I felt happy in since my divorce.

where do I go from here!?

Always ask if a man is married. Not all married men have a wedding ring. My husband didn't want one, he won't wear jewellery, other than a watch. Neither does my Dad wear a wedding ring, and he's been happily married to my Mum for 56 years! The lack of a ring, means nothing. I can understand you feeling so upset, you've been played and yes if a man was flirting, you'd think he was single. Unfortunately, you are probably another woman, in a very long list - this won't be the first time he's behaved in this manner. His only saving grace (if you can call it that!) is he did admit to the truth, when he was confronted. Hopefully he's completed any work in your home? You need to end the relationship immediately.

And always do your due diligence . Why didnt you ask the friend about him?

Google the cr*p out of him

No she willfully ignored any difficult questions because she was intoxicated by the attention.

There are no victims in this scenario, except his wife.

Dump him. It's not your fault but just be glad you found out earlier rather than later on. In future be less trusting and look out for signs - like he never invites you to his home or area.

Is the work on your house finished and sorted?

If yes, straight Dump
If not, get another workman organised, then Dump.

Urrgh. A bad relationship doesn't make someone cheat, the OW doesn't make someone cheat, the cheater is the only person with blame, there is always the choice to end a relationship before embarking on a new one, u give a little leeway to those who have a ons ( usually alcohol driven) who then end it with the original relationship the next day

.... Sometimes the realisation that you can cheat shows you the relationship is not what you thought

Oh no, I really feel for you OP

But there is only ONE thing to do in this situation and that is to completely finish with him.
What an absolute prick.

Oh and op he's not the man for you!

Sorry, WHY do you blame the OW ? How is the man not at fault/ not more 'vile' than the OW?

Dump him and tell his poor wife.

Dump him and tell his wife. What a scumbag.

Now you get checked for stds and move on . Do not engage in any “what if “ scenarios because he doesn’t love you and never had . He is a cheater

The first thing I said …..the first thing is that he is the home wrecker. So yeah I did blame him.

Dump him. I wouldn’t be able to trust him. If he gets another regular job with a woman customer could you trust him not to do the same with her? This does not reflect on you at all, it’s all on him being a lying, cheating lowlife

lol. What to you think checkatradr would have told her. A one star review: he did a great job on my bathroom, but didn't tell me he was married before fucking me in the new shower. ?!?

You haven't done anything wrong here OP so don't blame yourself. It's him. What an arsehole and so sorry this has happened to you after your divorce. 💐

Yes exactly. Better to know before. "Good at installation bad at mutual masturbation" type thing.

I would walk away… and don’t jump so
quickly into a relationship.

Where do you go from here? You don’t go anywhere with this guy, you walk away if you’ve got any sense.
He’s a tradesman and an opportunist, it’s so easy for him to hook up with another woman in his line of work. I doubt you’re the first extramarital affair he’s had and you won’t be his last.
So you have two choices, remain as the other woman, or tell him you never want to see him again. Even if he left his wife would you trust him?

Now you know you need to dump him. Has he finished the work on your house? If not I would pay up what you owe and get the remaining work done later with another contractor. You can always tell your friend that you have a cash-flow issue/have guests coming/want a break from the work.

Lucky escape. Next.

Don't have sex with your tradesmen in future. He's basically getting paid to have sex with you?!
And of course dump him. Why you thought this wouldn't end in tears is a bit of a mystery.

@MollieFrank are you coming back to your thread?

This has happened to me….more than once. (Although usually I discover they are trying to make me their side chick fairly early.)

Men that cheat on their wives are one thing. Cheating on their wives and lying to the would be mistress too makes it even worse.

I would do nothing. Just block him.