Gutted to find out….I am the other woman

[MollieFrank]

Long story short…
I got divorced a year ago, I bought a second hand new build. It actually needed a surprising amount of work doing to it so I asked for recommendations on Facebook and my friend recommend a guy.

That guy had to do a fair amount of work on my home. We got to know eachother fairly well (I work from home so was here when he was doing all the work) and we started flirting and we ended up going on some local to me dates (he lives 45 mins away) he stayed over a few nights….we text all day everyday. This has been going on for a few months, I have to say I think I have been genuinely falling for him. He does not wear a wedding ring and I never asked if he was married because perhaps naively I just trusted that someone who was dating me wouldn’t be married!!!!!

happened to be talking to the lady that recommend him to me, and she asked me how the work was and said she knew his wife!!!!!! I never mentioned to her we had started seeing eachother because I thought it was a bit soon. I then messaged him this morning and said “are you married?” And he said “yes, but I don’t love her”

I am absolutely completely devastated, I’ve never wanted to be the other woman but I genuinely had no idea. So now I feel like a marriage wrecker but also I have lost the one start of relationship that I felt happy in since my divorce.

where do I go from here!?

Block and move on.

Not the point. He shouldn't need a 'label' showing he is married, and she doesn't need to check him for 'labels' - he should demonstrate his status with his behavior.

Can't beleive you are asking. He's manipulative, dishonest and a cheat! Get rid pronto.

I’m so sorry this has happened. It happened to me once, long ago, except my weasel wasn’t married - yet - and cheating on his fiancée months before their wedding.

Start by booking an sti check. It’s very helpful in focusing the mind and helping your emotions catch up.

You deserve so much better.

I would message saying you are not interested in seeing a married man, please don’t contact me again. Then block on all channels. It understandable to be very upset but if you feel tempted to contact him remember that the feelings you have are not for him, they are for a person who doesn’t exist…the honest and single person you thought he was. If you contact him you will actually be contacting a man who has been deceiving you all this time and happy to let you start falling for him, knowing that he wasn’t actually available and there was no future for you. Sorry this happened to you, you didn’t deserve it and don’t let it damage your confidence.

Wow . Pretty judgemental .
A builder =these men ?

You dump him. If you really must, tell him to come back to you when he’s left his wife and is actually single, and by then you might feel differently anyway.

As he finished the work, are you happy with it, have you got a receipt for what you've paid him?
If so, dump. If not, take him for what you can, then dump.

So you’ve been having it off with your handyman? Just chalk it up to experience and stop seeing him. You didn’t know he was married.

Dump him

Where do you go from here you ask?? FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS GUY

Sad this happened but do people not check/ask if someone is married or in a relationship first?
Chats about last relationship could have revealed it.
Social media is usually a give away too.

Sorry, don't agree with being a victim in this case as OP didn't check.

If he had lied and said he was single, that's different.

Obvious thing is to dump him and take your time getting to know someone in the future.

What has that got to do with anything? It wasn't the work on her house that OP had an issue with.

Builders are catnip to middle aged, middle class, divorced women.

It's the joke of everyone in the building trade.

Should have done ya checks if you were really bothered.

What 'checks'?

For the love of god get yourself checked for any STIs.

His poor wife.

You are not the one who wrecked his marriage he is. I would tell her

Tell your friend about your relationship, allowing her to tell the wife. Block and move on.

Well you take your fingers and place them on a keyboard and type some words in, just like you are doing here and......

ffs. why do people who find themselves in situations like this always need instruction booklets and to be treated like children. Maybe because people ignor what they really should do because it ruins their fun, wants and needs.

Builder man has laid it on the line, op knows what she should do, but it's debatable whether she will, I also find the sleeping over hard to believe if he's married.

Oh jeez

not quite your question but my first though was is all the work finished in your house/

Yes then bin the man
no this needs thought through as you want the work finished first if he is a decent tradesman

yes I fully expect the outrage and a pile on but hes a dick not poster and she can find reasons not to sleep with him ext until work is complete

Where do you think you go? You leave him alone.

I am so sorry, Mollie. That was quite a shock for you.

This isn't your fault, you never dreamed he was married. You were naturally vulnerable, newly divorced, etc.

You must cut ties with the man now you know about his wife.

You will meet someone else eventually but don't rush into anything. You need some time to get over this. I do feel for you.

Good luck.

Crushed. None of the people doing work on our house over the years have tried to shag me. Maybe my WFH tracksuit is the deterrent

I am sure some do, but it a bit odd to suggest they are all so rampant that it takes.twice as long as it should to get the job done.

Although I am now looking at DH suspiciously and wondering if he had an affair with our 50 something balding male builder and this is why the extension took so long

@MollieFrank I am so sorry, what a horrible shock. Block him and spend some time healing