Gutted to find out….I am the other woman

[MollieFrank]

Long story short…
I got divorced a year ago, I bought a second hand new build. It actually needed a surprising amount of work doing to it so I asked for recommendations on Facebook and my friend recommend a guy.

That guy had to do a fair amount of work on my home. We got to know eachother fairly well (I work from home so was here when he was doing all the work) and we started flirting and we ended up going on some local to me dates (he lives 45 mins away) he stayed over a few nights….we text all day everyday. This has been going on for a few months, I have to say I think I have been genuinely falling for him. He does not wear a wedding ring and I never asked if he was married because perhaps naively I just trusted that someone who was dating me wouldn’t be married!!!!!

happened to be talking to the lady that recommend him to me, and she asked me how the work was and said she knew his wife!!!!!! I never mentioned to her we had started seeing eachother because I thought it was a bit soon. I then messaged him this morning and said “are you married?” And he said “yes, but I don’t love her”

I am absolutely completely devastated, I’ve never wanted to be the other woman but I genuinely had no idea. So now I feel like a marriage wrecker but also I have lost the one start of relationship that I felt happy in since my divorce.

where do I go from here!?

Obviously stays because she loves the drama, or the misfortune of others!!

It was his responsibility to tell you before anything happened, any decent person would do. Not doing so was a despicable act. No matter how nice he seems, his core is rotten. And he's just using you for sex.

^ This

I'm sorry. He's a bastard.

Just block him.

He's not worth a word from you.

You dump him. Why do you even need to ask.

This happened to me. I stopped seeing the man.

What a bastard.

I'm afraid you need an STI check @MollieFrank

And you obviously need to dump this man pronto.

Some do! They wear silicone ones. I've seen them at work.

Probably the same reason you feel the need to respond to strangers on MNet? Your advice is great but don't be so harsh

Bin him off.
And you don’t owe his wife an explanation either. Just leave that as it is. He’ll twist it on you, it’s not worth losing your peace over.

Send him another message: "That's so funny because I'm married too!".

Leave it there, go to the pub and have a pint. Respond with something very vague to whatever he sez tomorrow.

@MollieFrank this is on him, not you, he is the one who is married and he should have been honest and upfront with you from the beginning.

I wonder how long he would have let this carry on.

Don’t go beating yourself up over it, you’ve done nothing wrong xx

To worry him, tell him you are going to tell his wife, that will worry him for the next few months as he won’t know when you will do it or if you will, and every time his wife is a bit off with him he will wonder if she knows ….the stress this will cause him 😂😂😂

Probably for the same reason you feel the need to be rude to strangers on MNet. If no-one asked questions then Mumsnet would not exist.

p.s. you don't need to quote the OP, we all know what you're replying to 👍

That's not what the poster said though is it? The poster was referring to shagging a builder who is doing work on your home. It's a bit akin to shitting where you're eating/sleeping.

That really sucks. At least you haven’t invested too much time in the relationship. The important thing to be aware of is that the person you thought you were falling for does not exist. It’s all been a lie. His poor wife.

I am asking because I think she is being disingenuous in her question. The answer is obvious but it's not what she wants to hear. She may be 'gutted' but she wants this man- married or not. Other wise, she knows what to do so why ask? Because she wants people to say 'Give him a chance- he might be desperately unhappy.'

No, you're not sorry for being mean. If you were you wouldn't post it.

Stop with the 'you didn't think to ask' because quite clearly OP thought he was single because of his behaviour. Maybe the question should be 'why did he not tell her he was married?' 🙄

Yes you are
If you have to ask what to do next OP you’re just as bad as the slimy cheater he is

Get rid. A liar never changes their spots. Once a liar, always a liar.

I don’t think this is fair… she’s getting her head around a big shock. She thought she was in the early stages of dating someone with potential to be a longer term thing and all of a sudden she finds out he’s married. I think she does probably know what she should do but it is a hard thing to adjust to - so she’s reaching out to other people who will say what a part of her knows IS the right thing to do.

I think that if she was planning on staying with him she’d keep that quiet unless she was actively seeking the wrath of mumsnet!

I'm sorry, that's so painful. 😣

Get a grip

Awww Pumpkin pie, why so rude?

Because there's people on mumsnet that love being like that, they're on every post