To want to go in my garden without my neighbours being intrusive

[RandomMess]

As soon as the neighbours spot either of us put in either our front or back garden they mysteriously need to come outside for a wander and then just have to interrupt us.

I get their world is small but I just want to be left alone to do what I need to.

It is ruining any enjoyment I could potentially have if I ever actually got to use my garden instead of avoiding being out there at all.

I need to tidy up after the high winds. Managed to be out for 10 minutes max before they appeared so I've come in for a cuppa.

This is quite funny now.

I do end conversations/blank/not engage etc.

I could tell them I want privacy in my front and back garden which is basically telling them to not ever talk to me which is quite frankly weird and makes things hostile.

If I do anything to create a screen I can no longer use my driveway to park our 3 cars on (length ways) and put on in the garage as it runs all the way between our houses and then beyond and it's too narrow. Think of garage being at the bottom of the back garden. It would also mean not have the most amazing view of the sea and mountains.

Again I'm not asking for solutions as I know there aren't any without causing a whole set of other issues, I shall continue to handle them and continue to wish they weren't so intrusive which most seem to think isn't an unreasonable thing to feel.

I may practice a big smile and asking if he's rushed out to interrogate us or is it a coincidence they suddenly need to wander outside to look at the view rather than than look out their window.

OP, I get where you're coming from. I had a lovely elderly NDN whose wife died & then he started to come out to speak to me whenever I left the house - but only at the front, thank goodness. He could see me getting my car out of the garage & putting it away, which gave him time to come out & intercept me.

As I say, he was lovely but it made me feel I couldn't go about my life without being 'caught'. When he died I was genuinely sad but it also felt like getting my freedom back.

Well you could have been clearer that you didn’t want any advice or feedback, just a chance to have a whinge about annoying neighbours with no intention of taking any action whatsoever OP!

People are only trying to help and offer up their stories and what worked for them 🤷‍♀️ nobody is trying to get your back up. Did you just want everyone to say one word YANBU and leave it at that? If there is literally nothing you can do or want to do or you have already tried everything then put your house on the market because clearly it won't improve unless one of you moves. The garden set up doesn't work for you and cant be altered and even if your neighbour did move, you could get someone equally as invasive. It will drive you nuts and what's the point of a view if you can't go outside to enjoy it. Misery is shite neighbours.

If you can’t make a boundary then how about a long washing line with big sheets hung on it. If they start bothering you then block them with the sheets pulled across. Remove when they disappear. It’ll be like training a dog but they’ll learn.

Evil plot twist occurred to me: if you indulge the chats and endure a few years of cups of tea, the kids (who might be LC now but will turn up as soon as there’s any inheritance to be had) could find themselves out of the will and eventually your house could double in size .xx haha

@Pclou45 🤣

My attached neigbour has just gone in a home in her 90s so perhaps only a decade to wait until they move out?

I am wondering when and if we can go ahead with getting the deeds changed and it because feasible to fence if there is some sort of way of using Perspex so they can see us but not so easily talk at us 😂

In reality if they get less mobile it will take them longer to escape out the house plus I can hope they eventually get new neighbours the other side that they can watch and go out to talk to! It's been empty at least 2 years.

@RandomMess
. I’d think myself lucky in your situation. My 30,40 ish year old neighbours are aggressive.
Like you we’re stuck getting out of the house but more likely to be abused than have to put up with idle chatter.

Your external situation is terrible re boundaries. I’d move. You could one day end up with the real neighbours from hell.

no idea why I tagged you there Pclou

This happens to me in the front garden .. most people will just say hello gardens looking good maybe chat for 5/10 mins that's ok and its friendly but one particular person.. I'll run in before they can get to me 🤣
Back garden is private.. have you got a 6ft fence if not get one.. if that fails you are going to have to be blunt there is a line and they're crossing it .

I have the same. If i go to get something from the garage the neighbour just happens to appear....then chats for ages..generally slating people in the road that aren't as good as him etc etc. I've.taken to checking if they are home before going to the garage...or I am always on my phone as I walk to and from.
But I also get caught in the back garden as their garden is higher than mine :( will be out playing with the dog and again he appears. Urgh. Puts me off going outside the house!!

I have an chair in my passageway right near the front door sometimes if i just want an little fresh air I sit there and thats when i noticed when ever i open my front door the women next door opens her door too no matter what time of day it is its just strange.

It's suffocating isn't it, everyone should be able to relax on their own property.

Op, I’m here with solidarity, I have the exact problem. It drives me up the wall. I have trees and bushes I can hide behind but invariably the second I step out I’ll realise my error.

They’re actually really nice, mid 80’s, but ALWAYS in the garden, and if not they’ll be out if I go.

Their summerhouse is raised and on the top of the garden slope so they’re like all seeing eyes. It’s depressing!

Even putting washing out becomes a mad dash to not get caught 😔

I planted a tree on the border last year. There’s a hedge between us and he’s constantly shearing it lower. I’m hoping the huge tree I’ve planted grows quickly 😂

My neighbours are exactly like this. Ok people (if I ignore the awful racism) but I don't want to chat every time I go out of the door. They once came round (whilst I was in, but WFH) because it started raining and brought my washing in. I was very unimpressed they had my knickers in their house! The guy popped out the other day whilst I was sat in the car defrosting it, just to say happy New year. They popped round with cake at 10.45pm one night because they thought I'd enjoy it. Knocked on the front door and asked me to go out back where they handed me a lager and expected me to stand and chat for an hour....I bought the house for the nice garden so when I can afford it I will be replacing all the fencing so they just can't see me.

We had neighbours like this, twice!
First lot were friendly but very odd, definitely with mental health problems and the interactions were always unwelcome and disconcerting. The second we went out in the back garden they would be out in theirs within minutes, they cut all the hedge down so the gardens were no longer private from each other. It was awful.
Second lot were retired and really unfriendly, they were always in their garden and would sit silently right next to the fence not staying a word to each other every hour of the day that it was not raining. So not doing anything wrong but it felt so oppressive and we were always inhibited and self concious with our interactions as a family as you could just feel them listening to everything. They would also get nasty if our two DC made much noise playing, I'm quite strict with mine about noise anyway and they are quiet kids generally and obviously at school during the week but that miserable pair expected them to be silent. Never mind the fact that their nasty yapping dogs never shut up from morning till night.
We now live in a detached with a lot of distance between the neighbours and we made a lot of sacrifices financially, geographical location and condition of the house in order to be able to be detached. It has been well worth it and I appreciate it every single day.

So both wear headphones but have little notebooks to communicate!

It really is.

Dear neighbours. You're giving me the hump, now go away and haunt someone else!

Can you say in a jokingly kind of way “everytime I’m outside you seem to have a sixth sense that I’m here … either that or your watching and waiting for me?” Maybe they’ll take the hint?

My Dad always said ‘tall fences make good neighbours’! I agree. Put a 6’ fence up but when at the front getting in your car for example always be polite and friendly to them to prove you are not bring rude.

No fence
No headphones
Just" sorry can't chat now"
" unavailable to listen at the moment "
Don't engage just repeat

who owns the hedge?

No idea but he’s been here 50 years. He’s not going to stop now, I have mentioned it a fair few times. I try and get ahead and tidy it myself so he doesn’t take it lower.

dammit!

I’d move, no question. There’s clearly no suitable solution at the moment and from what you’ve said, there may never be one.