To want to go in my garden without my neighbours being intrusive

[RandomMess]

As soon as the neighbours spot either of us put in either our front or back garden they mysteriously need to come outside for a wander and then just have to interrupt us.

I get their world is small but I just want to be left alone to do what I need to.

It is ruining any enjoyment I could potentially have if I ever actually got to use my garden instead of avoiding being out there at all.

I need to tidy up after the high winds. Managed to be out for 10 minutes max before they appeared so I've come in for a cuppa.

Oh I would hate this - had some neighbours in our last house who always wanted to chat - very tricky, really put me off going in the garden. We moved house (not because of that) and it is very nice now to have a more private garden

Oh god my neighbour is/was the same! It doesn't matter what we were doing, he'd pop up and simply have to offer a bigger tool / a better decision on what needs doing/ a bigger, better everything... and he'd love to chat for hours! He always knew what was going on in the street (cos he'd go over and ask/stand there while they're doing whatever - and giving his advice)

He was a 'Cheeky Chappie, everyone loves me, right' character, but he went too far last year and really pissed me off, to the extent I told him I'd go to the Police if he spoke to me again. (Sexual harassment - these people always seem to think I welcome their opinion on my clothing, hair, size, looks, sense of humour...)

That may be the nuclear option, OP. Worked for me so far.

You will have to be blunt which may not be the ideal.

Excellent!

Look, if someone doesn't get a hint, you need to be more direct.

"I can't chat with you Bob, I need to do this."

Turn your back and get on with whatever he's doing.

If he continues talking to your back, ignore and keep ignoring.

He will stop eventually.

People who behave like toddlers need to be treated like toddlers.

Put trellis on the top of the fence. Plant tall shrubs, preferably prickly ones

Just carry on with the task that you're wanting to do, so hello (don't be rude to them) and work away - engage in conversation and they will never get the message.

I’d tell him you’re finding him intrusive. Just say ‘Don’t mind chatting out front but in the back, we want to get on/do jobs/have peace’. Don’t apologise, you aren’t in the wrong for wanting some bloody peace!

Fence
Trellis with thick growing plants
Hedge

You can buy pre-grown hedges quite high these days.
Id still go for a fence and planting myself though

short term hassle will lead to long term enjoyment of your garden

Well - yes. That is what you need to communicate to them.

I'd start by interrogating them for a change.

'Bob, every time I'm in my garden I can guarantee you'll come out and start nipping my ear. Why is that? Are you actually watching and waiting? Because I can't see any other way it can happen. That's really fucking creepy, Bob. Really fucking creepy.'

I might move on to -

'I should log your behaviour. Date and time that I or DH come into the garden, how long it takes you or Roberta to come out and start nipping away. Really fucking creepy, Bob. Really fucking creepy.'

I can and do handle them, we CANNOT create any sort of tall fence or boundary without getting major £15k of work to sort out retaining walls. We do. It have your typical rear garden arrangement akin to them have right of way.

I want to be able to talk to DH without them there, I want to go out without them appearing within 5 minutes. Knowing they watch out for us (nowt else that they do) just pisses me off

They aren't horrible, just incredibly hard work and the man is difficult.

For example in the front DH dug a trench, some weeks later I was out there in gardening gear with numerous 2-4 feet shrubs/bushes and 3/4 bags of compost.

"What are you doing with that trench"

So I replied very nicely

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"Putting in hedge"

Again nicely

"Well shrubs, yes" and the spoken bit - so when they reach 5' I can be in my fucking front garden and you don't stand there and watch me 🤬

And breathe.

This is beyond annoying, now granted I don't have it anymore (apartment) but it's so intrusive & actually forces you to become either a "rude person" or a silent fuming angry one & it ruins the enjoyment of being outside enjoying your garden

Strategically placed shade sails?

I second the headphones. Just get cheap ones for £10, shove them in and go out. When they speak to you ostentatiously remove one headphone from your ear, and say, “Hi Bob. Couldn’t hear you. I’m listening to a course/lecture/work.” Then turn your back and ignore them.

@BeeCucumber good idea but we live on top of a hill completely exposed 🤣

Our front garden is our sunny place to sit.

I play can I get out the car and into the house without them appearing. 😂

Honestly they have put me off retiring because their world has become so small so quickly. Their daughter lives a 20 minute drive away, she visits about twice a year. Not sure the son ever does.

@Scorchio84 that it is it.

I am happy to chat to them when I have time, I would even go around for a cuppa if I were invited and we agreed a time and day it's the being pounced on.

@WhereYouLeftIt that would probably be the most effective approach which I could do on the rare occasion I was in the right frame of mind to say it.

When the weather is nice enough they sit out the front all day.

Nothing in our close goes unnoticed 🤣

MN ( me anyway ) likes pictures / diagrams in these situations.
It might help with suggestions OP

as an aside we’ve finally decided to just move because of our neighbours. 30/40syrs ( as you mentioned age ) and extremely aggressive. We park 1metre from the front door, check our ring doorbell to make sure they aren’t wandering around and then dive into the car. I haven’t walked down the drive in 3years so the weeds are now really high, it’s so embarrassing. We get our sons to mow out the front. It’s horrible. Life’s too short.

Our neighbours are like this. They're an absolutely lovely retired couple. I really like them and have invited them round for a cup of tea many times. However, sometimes I just want to nip into the garden and be there in peace but they always rush out to chat. Once we chatted for two hours!! And I just couldn't find an opportunity to get away.
I don't know the answer to this problem.

I would never go round to theirs for a cuppa as they’ll feel entitled to come to yours. I would have very short conversations; you’ll probably find you get no peace until you’ve offended them.

Sorry to say it but we recently had our roof replaced & the older male neighbours loved it: workmen to watch in action, things to judge, etc. They're fantastic neighbours, though, so it was fine.

Say, ‘I was hoping to get a bit of peace.’ I genuinely would wander straight back in my house without conversing if I had a neighbour who would walk out to interrogate me every time I went in my garden. I spent my entire 20s, 30s and 40s being polite to irritating people at my own cost and I no longer tiptoe round them!

Our previous neighbours were like this, a lovely couple but every time we went in the garden they appeared. I wouldn't have minded if it was just "Hello how are you? Fine thanks, you? Good." but we would get everything their grandchildren had said and done for the last 6 months, while we stood with rictus grins, nodding. We always had to pretend our dinner was ready/phone ringing etc. to get away. Our new neighbours are pleasant but thank goodness it's just a hello and smile from them.
I really don't know what the answer is without being rude.

Any way I'll let you get on, as I have a lot do preferably in peace, bye

Always works for me

Mine use to do this she's dead now so not a problem but I use to pretend to be on the phone, put massive over the top headphones on and then eventually a higher fence. I did feel a bit bad because she was clearly lonely but it was everytime I stepped outside.