To want to go in my garden without my neighbours being intrusive

[RandomMess]

As soon as the neighbours spot either of us put in either our front or back garden they mysteriously need to come outside for a wander and then just have to interrupt us.

I get their world is small but I just want to be left alone to do what I need to.

It is ruining any enjoyment I could potentially have if I ever actually got to use my garden instead of avoiding being out there at all.

I need to tidy up after the high winds. Managed to be out for 10 minutes max before they appeared so I've come in for a cuppa.

My neighbours are lovely, but older now (I'm getting there myself at this stage too!), and have all the time in the world to natter on about nothing. It would be charming and the opposite of many horrible neighbour stories we read about IF I had the time to stop and chat for up to half an hour at a time! And it's always as I'm unloading the shopping and worried that the frozen stuff will defrost lol.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I recently got hearing aids, so now when they start their witterings I point to them and say "I'm deaf and trying out these hearing aids, sorry can't hear you" then with a quick wave run in to the house. It kinda works unless they are up close and personal 😊....

OP I'd get some sort of screening up. The cost is commensurate with your peace of mind. Do it soon.

You need some of that expandable trellis with fake greenery on it for some privacy cheaper than digging up cement

Our neighbours are sulking because of the last storm we've had to replace seven panels. They're not the ones they wanted and they won't look as nice from their side. Bearing in mind the old fencing had been hanging on by a thread for a few years because they liked the awful bloody ivy crawling all over it.

So my advice get them to sulk about something.

It doesn't help OP but this is why they say good fences make good neighbours!

@ifIwerenotanandroid judging on the last work we had done we were asked if it were really necessary, like when we had to dig up part of our drive to lay a larger mains water pipe. Obviously we are doing this work to waste money and disturb their peace on nice days...

I really feel for you. I had this in my first house I lived in for 10 years. I don’t know how I managed it, and it was only when we moved house, and I walked into my new back garden and felt relief flooding over me, I realised how anxious and stressed it had made me.

Our walls were thin and no matter how quietly I tried to sneak out, they’d hear us. Felt like I was living with them! They were a really weird couple, never once saw them have a visitor or go anywhere and all they wanted to do was moan!

@MrsCarson would make driveway too narrow unfortunately plus it's likely to blow over.

“Neighbour, to us, the back garden is a private space and when I am out here I don’t want to talk to you or anyone else. So please stop approaching us when we are out here. It’s not personal. So please stop otherwise I will have to start logging it as harassment.”

🤣🤣
sounds similar to my neighbours
Everytime we go out in the garden, they go upstairs and look out the bedroom windows, they either open the curtains, open the window and then later they go and close them again 🤣
whe my husband is out there working you can guarantee they’ll be there watching so I stand by waiting for them and shout hello, and start waving 🤣 they’re not up there for long now, and they complain when I hang my washing out, so on rainy days my husband hangs out his dirty work rags just to piss them off 🤣🤣

@Alalalala but they would still be there watching!

You can't stop people walking around their garden or sitting in it.

I have planted an area at the front which will eventually give us some privacy in one area in the summer but the rest will have to remain completely open.

We have driveways between the houses that run all the way to the end of the back garden.

@BrendaSmall 🤣

I think you are being a bit unreasonable in that you keep saying you can't do any of the suggestions but you wont just say something to them. There are quite a lot of polite suggestions here. How about "sorry, if you don't mind we can't talk now, we are having a private discussion". Once you break it once it might get easier. Or even simpler. "Sorry, can't talk now, You don't mind, do you?". Or "Hello! Can't talk now. Speak later." Or even. "Hi there, I'm just out for a relax after a long day at work, you won't mind if I don't speak right now." Or "I'm just doing a spot of gardening to relax after a hard day you'll understand if I dont' talk".

I get that it's a bit awkward. But there are a tonload of ways of saying you want peace without being rude and without being unfriendly. The advantage of just saying it is that you don't have to endlessly pretend to be looking the other way, or having headphones on or pretending to read a book. You're making it clear that you are not NOT talking to them if there's a problem or whatever, but you don't want to routinely talk to them. It's a good idea not to get too screwed up about the neighbours and to keep lines of communication open, but you should be able to just say this without it being unfriendly and without having to wait 5 years for a hedge to grow!

The person who has inherited the house they are attached to has mental health issues and is due in court for causing issues with he neighbours where they currently live so maybe the new next door but one will move in and Mr Busybody will move out...

They complain about your washing?? that will be the peek a boo bras and crotchless knickers. How disgusting hanging that out in view! But by all means hang out the bondage gear, leather 😁masks get quite sweaty so I'm told

Sorry to say it but we recently had our roof replaced & the older male neighbours loved it: workmen to watch in action, things to judge, etc

Just be honest and say sorry I need some processing quiet time but have a nice day.

Job done

This

@Hadtocomment I explained earlier that I can and do say things to them. I am polite, shut plenty of conversations down.

What I want is for them to just the fuck to leave us alone and stop appearing every time we go outside. It's not nice knowing they are watching you in your garden.

I am not going to get what I want because they are who they are, bored, nothing in their lives, go outside once a week. The lady in particular comes across as a sociable person who is lonely and with an uptight man.

You can have the headphones on but nothing playing.

Gear up. Put on a yellow paper suit, don your gloves and eye and ear protection, maybe a mask if it will be dusty, wave at them and rev that chain saw or whatever.

Point at your throat and croak.

Tell them you're having quiet time.

Don’t reply or look at them.

I get this completely. We have a family next door, the woman comes out as soon as she sees us come out of the back door and then shouts over to start a conversation. Drives me nuts as I just want to go in my garden without someone calling over to me. I say a very brief hey and then head down, but I hate that feeling of being watched. We're moving.

You don’t have to be bored with nothing in your life to be like this.
Lots of people don’t understand / can’t keep to / can’t be bothered with personal boundaries.

Not sure what you can do I’m afraid if you can’t put in a solid boundary structure though.
What do you think would make a permanent solution OP aside from, neighbours move.

Wireless headphones.
Just ignore them, or briefly smile if they catch your and then get on with what you're doing.
Works for me!

You're going to have to be direct.

" Bob I don't mean to be rude but I would like some privacy in my garden" KEY PHRASE " is that ok"? Wait for him to say "yes" so he can't back out.

When he says huffily " sorry just being neighbourly" smile sweetly and " of course Bob, I'm not offended ( by your lack of boundaries) but is my garden not a communal area and I love privacy."

@AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen we are hoping the new neighbours attached to us (house for sale) will agree to change the deeds so we can fence between us and them. This means it will be worth spending £15-£20k completely changing the back, sacrificing having car access etc.

We wait and see. Also it's a balance between having an enclosed garden and losing the most amazing view