To want to go in my garden without my neighbours being intrusive

[RandomMess]

As soon as the neighbours spot either of us put in either our front or back garden they mysteriously need to come outside for a wander and then just have to interrupt us.

I get their world is small but I just want to be left alone to do what I need to.

It is ruining any enjoyment I could potentially have if I ever actually got to use my garden instead of avoiding being out there at all.

I need to tidy up after the high winds. Managed to be out for 10 minutes max before they appeared so I've come in for a cuppa.

I can feel your annoyance through your posts.
But only you can change it.
You need to say something otherwise there's going to be a big row.

Wear earphones,say a quick hello and move on.
They're not worried about you,so why are you worried about upsetting them.

LOL

I do say things, I do often smile - wave - ignore.

It does not stop them magically appearing even if they don't even try to engage with us. It seems like they see us out and need to come out to have a closer look at what we are doing.

It irritates me, often I can shrug it off and me & DH laugh about it. We often say, "going out to do X, wonder how long before neighbour appears.

Gosh there are a lot of miseries on this thread! I've got neighbours like these, they're old and like a chat. Whenever I go to the garden one of them always appears by the wall to strike up a conversation. We chat for 5 minutes and then I say oh better get back inside and see what DC's up to, or something like that. It's harmless. People are lonely. Be kind.

Mine were like this for 6 years, they would hover for the entire time i was in the garden telling me crap about their medical appointments and even telling me how to garden. In the end I'd had a close bereavement and couldn't take it anymore and just said 'Look, if I'm in the garden I just want to be left alone, I don't want to talk to anyone'.

They've never spoken to me since and probably think I'm a witch but I don't care - my garden is my sanctuary away from the stresses of work and family'. I needed them to piss off to retain my sanity.

I think this is a good response!

But this is it - I didn't want to go back inside. I wanted to spend hours weeding and pottering in my garden. Not listen for 3 hours to them whining on about their crap that was nothing to do with me.

It's intrusive and rude.

Then just chat for a couple of minutes and then say "I really must get on with the gardening, I have so little time to deal with all this!" And move off to your flowerbed.

It's coming to something when people think a neighbour striking up a conversation is "intrusive and rude". There are plenty of ways to signal you don't have hours to chat without becoming irritated by the interaction.

@Elektra1 I am kind to them, I don't mind a 5 minute chat when I have the time which is why some of these suggestions aren't appropriate. I know they are lonely but his social awareness is zero.

I frequently excuse myself.

Unfortunately I hate that they always come out and they don't want a 5 minute chat. Anything and everything we do is commented on in a negative way by him. I hate that I have to excuse myself or just completely ignore them.

I often want to be in the garden to be alone.

I would just like it if 50% of the time they didn't magically appear.

Clearly most people think I am unreasonable to find their behaviour of appearing outside whenever we are doing anything intrusive.

I did that so many times but they would carry on talking. On and on.

Honestly, they were so thick skinned. That's why I had to be totally blunt in the end.

I think it's bad manners to disturb people in their own spaces unless it's just a quick, mutual, 'hi, lovely weather isn't it'.
That is all.

You have my sympathies OP - my neighbours are like this too. Even if we out outside having our dinner in summer they put their head over the fence - it is so intrusive. It’s awful to know that someone if always watching as they are obviously running out as soon as you go out there.

I think there's a societal naivety about people like this, we say oh they don't know what they're doing, they're just old, just tell them etc.
But actually try telling them and you'll often find that they turn very nasty and this new "feud" fuels them far more than a bit of chat does everyday.

I don't have an answer OP, but YANBU!

Yes what is wrong with these people? My neighbours are not lonely, they are a couple and have a daughter and jobs.

They are just rude and want a captive prisoner to talk at about their lives.
They never once, in the 6 years, asked me about myself, my son, my job. Nothing.

@TheBluntTurtle it this.

On the better weather when they sit at the front all day it's easier as when I get out the car I can just say hello and go inside, if they really try to strike up conversation and I have some time I will converse a little. It's often on the pretext on how one of the DC is or similar as they like to be in the know.

That's part and parcel of neighbourly relations.

It's the donning costs etc to come out and suddenly garden if we are out there.

If we have workmen around he can get out quicker to speak to them than we can and we're expecting them!

My friend nipped out for a fag and got the Spanish Inquisition 🤣

I could tell him it's creepy behaviour but it wouldn't stop it.

But maybe you don't have flowerbeds to attend to, maybe you want to enjoy a cup of tea or god forbid a cigarette or even just a break from whatever is going on in your house for a peaceful 15 minutes? It IS intrusive & it makes you less likely to want to go outside

My auntie cherishes her 15 minute cigarette break (she's 80 1 a day) & if Peter from next door popped up when she was outside on the phone to one of us it would totally ruin that moment for her, it's not fair to dismiss it as being neighbourly

I get why people are saying wear earphones,but in my experience of trying to avoid intrusive people using this method,it doesn't seem to make any difference. They will just keep gabbing on regardless. Some people are just oblivious.

How old are they and how old are you for a better picture? Sorry if I've missed this in your previous posts.

I can relate so much, seems that way for us every time we go out in our garden, neighbours love to come and be nosy especially if we are on our phone talking or have visitors around they just love to be nosy and see what we are talking about such an invasion of privacy. Start recording every time as it is illegal to invade others privacy.

So the neighbours on one side of you ( attached ) need to agree to a fence on the other side of you. Is that right?. Is it because the attached neighbours use the drive as well?

Diagram ? 😁 should you feel artistically inclined

@RandomMess you're not being unreasonable at all. One of my previous neighbours was like this, they weren't disapproving but they always wanted to chat for ages and dodging them became an art form. All you want is to go out to your own garden without them appearing like magic, not having to ignore them, just for them to leave you alone and give you some privacy, it gets really annoying.

I could tell him it's creepy"I must get on with my flowerbeds" and he would stand there and bloody watch me and quite possibly continue talking at me.

You can walk off to the front or back and 50/50 he will follow.

When I'm finding life tough it's just another thing to "manage" that if they were less instructive in the first place wouldn't be something to "manage" in the first place.

@Daleksatemyshed thank you.

Cool user name, our house name is The TARDIS 💕

That could be pretty outing @RandomMess 😬

Are you my other nice neighbour?!! 😂As my neighbours are exactly the same with workmen! I’ve actually had to tell workmen to avoid my male neighbour as he won’t let them get away and will start trying to tinker with their vans! I wouldn’t usually mind but when you’re paying someone by the hour and you’re doing up an entire house it gets really annoying!

Ok well how about using oppositional language?

It's still direct but hopefully sounds less confronting.
Start with " Bob I know you think I am being rude but do you mind if giving me some privacy this afternoon, thank you"

In his brain he'll turn it round to " of course I don't think she's rude, bloody woman"
And the thank you at the end leads him to the expectation that he will agree.