talk me down from being furious!

[furiousnana]

name changed.. but at this point i don't care if anyone knows who i am, i'm that furious at the moment and need talking down. I suffer with anxiety over germs etc.

have just picked up SS's for a road trip to be informed that one of them is off work at the moment with an infectious blood infection, he's admitted that he's probably caught it by not washing his hands properly however assures me that it can only be passed on by consuming his poo!!

he has known that he has this infection for atleast 4 days, he can't remember the name of whatever it is it's called.

AIBU in a couple of things... 1. he could have told me/us before we picked him up so that I could have done my goggling and perhaps been ok with him being in the car, and 2. we are due to have his child next weekend for a sleep over, of which he's been at home with now all week.

i'm so furious right now and not really thinking straight! I have 2 grown up DD's both with serious heart conditions, and 1 is currently pregnant!

AIBU in cancelling the sleep over plans
YANBU?

What a selfish asshole he is.

I can't image wanting to go out with extended family day out with diarrhoea TBH.

So assume he feels fine - but if he's been kept off work then I agree he should be staying in and limiting contact - and I wouldn't blame OP for not wanting her DGC there either if someone in their household is actually ill or there is anyone at risk in her household.

It all sound a bit odd TBH - and I do wonder if they an element of winding someone with a phobia up TBH - but I don't know anyone here and it depends on what this step son is like and the relationship with OP.

On the bright side, if the baby doesn't show symptoms of it by next weekend he will be clear.

we are due to have GC on thursday... so 5 days! i am so torn and angry now, beacuse possibly GC is fine, but what if he's not?

i really don't know what to do.. i am sick and tired of being in this situation

Thanks I'd only heard of it before in relation to dirty water

I’m not surprised you feel this way, especially because what SS has said makes no sense. Say that you need a written note from his work or dr explaining what he actually has and if/what the risks are to others e.g. vulnerable or pregnant people. If he doesn’t provide this you are not having GC.

Suggest you sit DH down and tell him how you are feeling and why. I think it would help if he knows you want to work on the health anxiety but need his support and to go at a fair pace. If he won’t support you I think sadly you have a bigger problem x

His story really doesn't hang together properly. You don't catch shigella from blood. You catch it from someone with shigella induced diarrhoea generally in suboptimal hygiene conditions. It's pretty rare in the UK in adults, though risk is increased in men who have sex with men. Antibiotics are generally for more severe cases, though may reduce spread. It's a notifiable disease, so if he has it, then he should have been contacted by public health, who would normally make it absolutely fucking clear that this is not something you merrily spread round.

Take him at his word, and ban him from your house until he's 48 hour symptom free and has a negative stool sample, and don't have contact with anyone in his household until both he has had the all clear and they are all symptom free for at least 48 hours. If he's just confused and telling the truth, it's the sensible thing to do. If he's yanking your chain, it serves him right.

He seems to know what he's talking about. I wouldn't worry about it but maybe rethink the sleepover.
Definitely clean your car etc though and apply usual hand washing.

I can't talk you down because this is horrendous and I would be livid.

People in healthcare can be quite cavalier about this stuff (I've never had shigella, but I feel like I've had everything else at one point or another) but it's always important to remember that not everyone can just brush off illnesses as "just one of those things". Your SS is very wrong and very selfish to deny you the choice of whether you want to risk exposing yourself and your family to this. Do inform your daughters so they can decide for themselves over the next few weeks.

Just cancel all the plans. He has a serious illness (according to him) and you have vulnerable people around you. If he truly had dysentery he’d be looking really unwell and he definitely wouldn’t be going on days out or road trips. So call his bluff, tell him you’ve taken medical advice and all plans are cancelled.

Is he may or bi? It's on the rise in the UK between gay/bi men.

www.gov.uk/government/news/warning-after-rise-in-extremely-drug-resistant-shigella

Seems very strange and falsified information. A blood infection is Hep and all nhs staff are vaccinated for it. If it’s dysentery or shigella he would be stuck to a toilet. Also a HCA definitely wouldn’t stem blood without gloves on as you would be sacked for doing that (passing germs on both ways). 6 people would not have all contracted a blood infection from stemming a patients blood anyway. He is either not a professional who has basic medical knowledge or he is talking BS. Either way, I wouldn’t be anywhere near him or his child for now.

well... not to throw a spanner in the works, because i have been googling recently, BUT. he's in a straight relationship with his fiance (female). however, a few years ago, for whatever reason, and we still don't know, he found himself sleeping with his male boss on a few occasions?

this did cross my mind? we do know that normal relations have not resumed since birth of GC, but im sure he hasn't had another ?? blip for want of a better word?

and this is not meant to be a drip feed, because i didnt think it relevant until this poster asked.

6 other staff would not be off if this were the case?

Sorry...when you say he slept with his male boss, do you mean they just shared a room, or that they had sex?

My DD also had shigella as a child, around the same time as you Corporal. It's pretty rare and makes me wonder if you were at the same school.

It was brought back by a member of staff who had been to her home country for a holiday and it ripped through the school; in some cases whole families were hospitalised.

It very nasty so keep well away from him and his child OP, and as pp said disinfect anything he might have touched in your home.

If he has got it he shouldn't be going anywhere and I'm surprised he's want to as surely he'd be very unwell.

Ah - that's why his story doesn't make sense, because he hasn't caught this at work, has he?

No judgement about all of that here, but I would cancel the sleepover and thoroughly disinfect your car (and husband!). Neither SS nor any member of his family (or any suspected lovers of any sex!) should come anywhere near your household.

You have answered your own question OP. SS does this because your DH (and you to an extent) let him. If you want him to change, you both need to change.

had sex

No to the sleepover. Disinfect the car.

Sounds like he hasn’t told you how he actually caught it

How do you know so much about his sex life? 😐Thread is taking a weird turn.

Handwashing is always a thing!

surely not! this is not the first time SS may have tried to pull the wool over our eyes! you have probably gleened, he IS a story teller, and will only tell us information he deems appropriate for us and his needs.

now i am even more confused, and i have to head out now to pick up DH and SS! (Please do not ask where they are or have been, its a bit outing)

i am confident, i can pick them up without being infected with anything, i shall drop SS where we agreed and then i shall head home with DH and he will be sent immediately into the shower and impose a change of clothes on him. all towels will immediately go into the wash, and only then will i sit down and talk to DH about all of this, because this is just not fair!

the more replies, the more i believe on this occasion, i am not over reacting but also do not think i am being given the whole story

This.