DH said we have nothing in common

[NewYearSameMeeee]

We've been together 14 years, pretty happily.
An argument ensued last night as DH constantly seems to be arranging nights out/trips/meals with friends, but rarely with me. I'm pretty laid back as I believe autonomy is part of married life. No trust issues etc on either side - infidelity isn't the concern. I just feel he doesn't plan much with me.
I've booked for us to see a Comedian we both like and stay over in a nice hotel (last night he tells me he doesn't enjoy stand-up) I suggested going for a meal, he says everything we do revolves around food 🤷‍♀️, suggested maybe days out to nearby little towns (he says we've done them all). Then said we have nothing in common and that's the problem. It stings.
Wondering what the point is anymore if that's how he feels.
When he goes out with friends they generally go to things I wouldn't enjoy such as sports events, music nights in working men's clubs etc - but none of the wives go to these so it's not just me. I'm figuring he enjoys those things and so do his friends and he has plenty of freedom but it would be nice if there was a bit of enthusiasm spending time with me.
He goes for curries with his mates every other week. I do all the cooking at home so sometimes I'd like to have a break from that and go for a meal, but he says the curries are cheap, whereas I'd want to go to a nice pub (is that unreasonable occasionally?)
I'm pretty homely, but I'd like to go out sometimes with my DH else I may as well be single. Am I over reacting?

YANBU. I’d have a serious talk that if he can’t meet you half way then he heading to divorce.

I think your relationship is in serious trouble; your husband says you have nothing in common and doesn't want to spend time with you.

My first thought was infidelity as they tend to follow a script, part of which is rewriting history.

My thoughts too. I think you need a serious talk, this sounds like something is going on.

Do you have children?

Just wondering about a common glue.

But it dies sound like he's telling you that your marriage is in serious trouble

Does he want a wife? Does he want to married? Does he want to be married to you? That’s what I’d be asking him,
and if not he should be honest so you can separate and at least have a shot at finding someone who loves you and enjoys spending time with you.

To be honest this is how I feel, like I'm just 'there'.
I don't know what to suggest anymore as he doesn't seem to enjoy anything I suggest that regular couples do. I'm not much of a hiker. I enjoy a walk with my dog, but I think he'd prefer to be with someone who enjoys hiking up mountains etc, but that's never been me and I can't pretend to be someone I'm not.
I'm not sure what other couples do? A run out, meal, theatre, but he doesn't enjoy those things with me, so I'm not sure what to do, as I do enjoy regular things. I think he expects more adventures and excitement from life, but realistically unless you're loaded- life isn't a constant stream of constant adventures is it?

It sounds like he sees friends and socialising as having a laugh with other men, and “wife” as … well, something else. That doesn’t sound good.

How old are you both OP? This is sounding like a midlife crisis on his part and agree with others that either he's got his eye on someone else or soon will. Someone who 'really understands him'. It might be scary but you could set aside time and ask him what he wants to do.... split up now because you apparently have nothing in common or equally try and work together to figure it out and both compromise.

His reaction may tell you a lot. If he's already checked out then you're flogging a dead horse.

Do you have children OP?

So what did you used to do together when you first met and during the first few months/years of courtship?

Is it that you've got nothing in common or that you've fallen into a rut of doing the same kind of thing all the time?

You say he likes sport and music and you don't, but have you ever actually gone among and given it a go?

My view is biased as my partner and I have recently separated over the same issue. If he wants to spend all of his time with his friends and none of it with you, it's probably too late to do something about it. The relationship has been going south for a while without you, or possibly either of you, noticing.
Unlike others, I don't think infidelity is always an issue. Drifting apart is quite common without another person involved. I say you missed your boat and you should cut your losses. He hasn't been making an effort to connect with you and he is not going to start now the pattern set in.

No we don't

What is the point of him in your life, what is he adding? If it really is t anything, as clearly comes over in your post, then I agree with PPs that it really is time to split up and find someone with whom you are just more compatible.

He doesn't get to treat you like this without consequences. Sorry but you might be a lot better off without him.

Have you always been this dissimilar, though?

Having read your update I would encourage you to separate and find someone who loves you and loves your company. All the best.

I have yes! We do like the same sport so we've occasionally gone together- but now he goes with his mates and says I'm welcome to come too (no thanks)
I try booking things I think we'll both enjoy (eg Comedian) but now, out of the blue says he doesn't like standup 😬. He doesn't like musicals or plays either. Infact I just don't know what to do anymore or plan and it feels all on me. He says I only like food related things, city breaks which cost a lot or shops :-( makes me feel a bit useless tbh.

Would you say that what he’s saying is true about the things you like OP?

He obviously isn’t interested in you as a person. Your spouse should be your friend. He doesn’t view you as one. You’re just ‘the missus’. His mates, now they’re who he really enjoys hanging around with. Why do you want to be with someone like that? It’s not all about him and what he likes and you being the one to cater to and please him.

It was a bit odd tbh when we first met. He used to take me on long drives. Eventually I did say it would be nice to actually get out of the car and go for a meal occasionally!

I don't think he likes spending money much 😬😬

He's just not that into you, OP.

And why is it all on you to sort? Why isn't he making plans with you and booking stuff, instead you're turning yourself inside out and he's doing nothing (except out with his mates).

He's either met someone else or you have drifted apart. Honestly, I would have a calm serious chat with him that from your perspective the marriage isn't working and what can you both do to improve, and if not then separate.

Someone will love you and want to join you in the things you enjoy (don't be embarrassed about those, not everyone loves hiking up mountains).

It does sound like he's right. That you actually don't have much in common.

Is this what you want for your life?

My DH and I are, on paper, dissimilar. He's naturally very sporty, keeps himself fit with biking and watersports and weights, always on the go. I'm overweight, love being in the house sitting on my butt or just pottering away. But we have the same values about what is important to us and approaches to spending/saving money and general lifestyle. Do you and your DP still have the same mindset about what's important, OP?

Yes, this. It sounds like you either do things you enjoy separately with your friends or end the marriage on the grounds of incompatibility.