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AIBU?

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DH said we have nothing in common

228 replies

NewYearSameMeeee · 20/01/2025 11:03

We've been together 14 years, pretty happily.
An argument ensued last night as DH constantly seems to be arranging nights out/trips/meals with friends, but rarely with me. I'm pretty laid back as I believe autonomy is part of married life. No trust issues etc on either side - infidelity isn't the concern. I just feel he doesn't plan much with me.
I've booked for us to see a Comedian we both like and stay over in a nice hotel (last night he tells me he doesn't enjoy stand-up) I suggested going for a meal, he says everything we do revolves around food 🤷‍♀️, suggested maybe days out to nearby little towns (he says we've done them all). Then said we have nothing in common and that's the problem. It stings.
Wondering what the point is anymore if that's how he feels.
When he goes out with friends they generally go to things I wouldn't enjoy such as sports events, music nights in working men's clubs etc - but none of the wives go to these so it's not just me. I'm figuring he enjoys those things and so do his friends and he has plenty of freedom but it would be nice if there was a bit of enthusiasm spending time with me.
He goes for curries with his mates every other week. I do all the cooking at home so sometimes I'd like to have a break from that and go for a meal, but he says the curries are cheap, whereas I'd want to go to a nice pub (is that unreasonable occasionally?)
I'm pretty homely, but I'd like to go out sometimes with my DH else I may as well be single. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
SharpOpalNewt · 25/01/2025 02:36

Trousername · 21/01/2025 12:51

Sorry but I have to disagree strongly with this. I know several women who met life partners in their 30s and 40s and 50s. If anything, I'd guess it was separated men who have more problems when their marriage ends, because they have become too settled, while women tend to think about relationships more.
People separate and remarry, it's not that unusual and there are plenty of decent men out there who might be interested in the OP, who sounds lovely. Children obviously complicate things, but the OP doesn't have children. Life is certainly not "brutal" for women over 30 and if OP does decide to separate she has every chance of finding happiness.

Quite. Are you fucking joking? It's much easier for women of any age to find a partner, if that's what they want, as many women are very happy single. That When Harry Met Sally quote is standard 1980s misogynistic tripe.

Nantescalling · 27/01/2025 16:27

How about starting off by inviting him out for a curry?

BESTAUNTB · 27/01/2025 18:16

SharpOpalNewt · 25/01/2025 02:36

Quite. Are you fucking joking? It's much easier for women of any age to find a partner, if that's what they want, as many women are very happy single. That When Harry Met Sally quote is standard 1980s misogynistic tripe.

Yes, I don’t agree with the statement that you can’t date successfully in middle-age if that is what you want to do. I know lots of women who met decent men at 40+. Some of those relationships have lasted, some haven’t and they eventually met someone else 🤷‍♀️ . No big deal.

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