She is SO much prettier

[BellsNava]

The above is a statement from my mother, about my eldest daughter in comparison to my 3 younger daughters.

For context my eldest daughter has a different dad to my younger daughters, he is Spanish and my eldest looks distinctly Spanish (tan skin, dark hair etc.) she is 23 now and undeniably gorgeous.
My younger girls are 11, 13 and 15 and I think they are also gorgeous, my 15 year old is being bullied and a lot is around looks.

My mum went on to list all the ways my eldest is prettier, tall, slim with abs, long legs, beautiful long dark hair, tanned, “gorgeous face”.
Then she listed all the ways my younger girls aren’t as “pretty”, short, “a little chubby” (I don’t even think this is true), acne, not very “pretty in the face”.

I was gobsmacked and told my mum that sentiment isn’t appreciated. She then said oh but you can’t argue with facts, and listed the ways they are “better” than my eldest (more friendly and sociable, “just” as smart etc.) before wrapping up with it’s a shame but it’s life.

AIBU to think this is good grounds for no contact? My mum is very vain and my eldest is her favourite grandchild (despite knowing her the least as my eldest hasn’t lived in the UK since she was 11). She has never said any of this to my children but I feel that’s beside the point.

Just stop her, surely? ‘Mum, I’ve no interest in hearing you list my daughters’ physical attributes. Keep schtum if you can’t say anything nice about your grandchildren.’

I will never, ever understand people like this. Even if she secretly thought it, why on earth does she think you need to hear it? I would just be so worried she would subtly let your children know these opinions...

Horrible thing for your mum to say .

Not sure why you would go no contact with your mother over this remark - unless it’s a constant pattern and you’ve repeatedly told her to stop

What's the point of this conversation Mum? What are you trying to achieve?

That is awful and could do irreversible damage to a young girls body image. I could never have her anywhere near my kids again.

Some words are never forgotten.

I asked, apparently it is because I said “I don’t know how to handle the bullying as eldest never went through this”, she then listed all the reasons eldest would clearly never get bullied.

If she was a good mum otherwise, no not really. People can be tactless. Have good boundaries, call her out, tell her that her opinions are not welcome and you don’t want to hear them again but unless there is a back story don’t remove your mum from your life for one stupid remark

Seems a bit much to jump to NC just because of this.

This is the first time she’s been so brazen about it but not the first time she has relentlessly commented on how beautiful my eldest is while ignoring my younger 3.

She also loves to bring eldest up anytime my younger girls achieve anything with “eldest did that too or eldest got better results etc.”

Revolting woman. I'm sure all your girls are beautiful but even if they weren't (in her eyes), what a fucked up thing to say

I'd point out all her flaws nice and clearly. FFS what is the matter with her?

I think NC is an overreaction to that conversation. You could have just shut her down as she was being very unkind.

She sounds horrible and dysfunctional. I don't know what you can do really, presumably you don't see her that much anyway?

My parents knocked me constantly to level me and my sister . My hair was cut short like a boys , while my sister was allowed to have long hair .

My dad told me later in life i was taken down a peg because my sister had to stand In my shadow .

It left my confidence in tatters . I could not help what I looked like . Please don't take this out on your daughter OP . It not her fault what she looks like and unfortunately people will compare .

If you mean my eldest I don’t have much of a relationship with her these days sadly but none of that is even remotely related to her appearance.

That's rubbish.
People get bullied for a whole host of reasons. Does your Mum not see that her words are akin to bullying?

The first thing I’d say to her in response to those comments, is “you are entitled to your opinion but please do not ever, ever, repeat that and especially never in front of my DC”.

I wouldn’t go NC with her over that one set of comments, but if she continues to make similar remarks in future despite you asking her not to, or starts having regular form with other toxic comments, you probably want to evaluate how much time you (and your DCs) spend with her.

It sounds like she was trying to answer your question about the bullying, and expressed her opinion, which is based on factors of appearance.
I grew up in a family that overfocused on appearance for everything, and I had very low self-esteem because of it. I wouldn't go no contact though. She is entitled to her own thoughts and opinions. Just tell her not to make such comments in front of your daughters.

Has your eldest lived with her dad since she was 11? Are you close?

I wonder whether that's caused some friction, and your dm is trying to make a point?

She is wrong for what she's said - no need to take her issues out on three innocent girls who's crime is just existing. Girls take these things in, and it manifests itself in their future relationships. Yanbu, those comments are nasty.

NC is an overreaction for this, IMO.

We aren’t close and yes she moved to Spain when she was 11. For various reasons though we only talk maybe 2 or 3 times a year. My mum talks to her every day more or less though and like I said she is my mums favourite.

I think this explains her behaviour

Are your daughter's nice about their elder sister?

She's wrong for insulting innocent children. Whatever dm's issue with you is, they aren't to blame for your issues with your eldest.

My younger daughters don’t talk about her at all. My youngest has never even met her and my middle girls haven’t send her since they were toddlers.

Sounds like your mum feels protective of the eldest, who doesn’t seem to have a mum.

Woah. Lots more going on here than unfair comparisons.